


Gays Give Me Your Wisdom

by thephilosophah



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Illustrations, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polythieves (Persona 5), Spoilers, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-01-16 03:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 56,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18513193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thephilosophah/pseuds/thephilosophah
Summary: this was born of the deep need for polythieves and also silliness





	1. akira i swear to eff

**Author's Note:**

> i have a con to go to tomorrow and its late and i got tired halfway through writing the tags so i'll fill in the rest later, which is concerning mostly because the ship tags alone already cover the surface area of a lake

 

shiho: how do i explain to my mother that the phantom thieves are not just some rumor without giving away any truth

ryuji: the phantom thieves are real and they sucked my dick behind the 777 in shibuya

shiho: what, all of them at once?

ryuji: well

ryuji: not morgana that's for sure

shiho: wait seriously

haru: When was this?

makoto: Before I joined, at least.

haru: Yusuke?

akira: before yusuke

ann: it was just me and akira

ryuji: yeah but you were the entire group back then

akira: half the group

akira: you and morgana

akira: 4/2=2

ryuji: hey akira you know what

akira: what is it baby darling?

ryuji: liSTEn HErE YOu mOthERFUcKER

akira: hm?

ryuji: don't play fucking coy with me

akira: i have no idea what you mean, sunshine

ryuji: akira i swear to eff

makoto: Let's not turn this into a fistfight.

futaba: not without taking any bets first

makoto: Let's not turn this into a fistfight period.

futaba: fine be like that

akira: let's turn this into a fuckfight

ryuji: you could just effin ask like a normal person

akira: hey ryuji can i ask you something

futaba: no

ryuji: absolutely ask me

futaba: dont you dare

akira: well

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: what the eff

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

akira: HOW MANY WORDS DID YOU BLACKLIST

futaba: enough

akira: futaba why

futaba: you know the fuck why

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

akira: come on uncensor me

futaba: fine

akira: ryuji fuck me

\-- USER AKIRA KURUSU HAS BEEN BANNED! --

ryuji: really futaba really

futaba: its what he deserves

ryuji: you know what he deserves?

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: wow that was fast

ryuji: what, do you have a blacklist readily available all the time?

futaba: with you around

futaba: absolutely

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: hold on

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: th12 d1ck

ryuji: HA

futaba: its okay by now its too late to deliver the punchline

ryuji: but not too late to deliver this dick bye losers see you later

futaba: i shouldve kept you censored to your dying days

ann: bring akira back

futaba: deep sigh

\-- USER AKIRA KURUSU JOINED THE CHAT! --

akira: im waiting!

ryuji: omw

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ann: i need some help

haru: What's the matter?

ann: i have no cash on me and i cant get home

haru: Oh! Should I send you some money?

ann: no darling i HAVE money, just not with me right now

ann: i need someone to come pick me up

makoto: How did you manage to get yourself into this situation?

ann: hey, be glad i didn't leave my phone somewhere

makoto: Fine.

makoto: If you really want to, I can meet you in Mementos and take you on Johanna.

ann: as badass as that sounds there's no mementos point of entry in inokashira

makoto: What on earth were you doing in Inokashira?

ann: uh

ann: photoshoot?

makoto: I don't like that you sound so uncertain.

ann: okay so i was in a photoshoot and the guys offered me a ride home but i declined cause i saw a cute girl and decided to stay and try to flirt with her

akira: useless pan

ann: oh im sorry that sounded like you were trying to judge me knowing full well how many times ive caught you stumbling because you were staring at someone

akira: at least i own it

ann: you walked straight into a wall and dented your glasses first time we went to the beach

mishima: what the hell where was i for that

akira: a tragic absence, but at least we went to hawaii with you

mishima: you didn't walk into any walls in hawaii

akira: i learned my lesson

makoto: He's lying. The reason he wasn't wearing his glasses at the beach in Hawaii was because of the wall incident.

akira: this is bullying

ann: no you deserve this i don't think anyone else here has ever faceplanted right into a wall

futaba: i mean

futaba: i have but at the time it was dark and i wasnt wearing my glasses so

ann: see, akira? you have no excuse

akira: dont be meant to me :( im sensitive :(

mishima: want me to kiss it better

futaba: kiss what better

akira: my bruised ego yes mishima come here

ann: thirstiest bitch alive

akira: quenchiest bitch alive fuckers i get laid left and right

akira: not rn tho. i want some cuddles rn

ann: and i wanna go home and yet here we are

makoto: I'm almost there.

ann: WAIT YOU ARE FUCK

ann: okay im fucking RUNNING to the station

makoto: I'm not that close, you can walk in a sensible pace.

ann: oh great in that case

ann: akira how come youre the quenchiest bitch alive

futaba: its cause his charm stat is maxed out

ann: ???

mishima: be serious

akira: no she's right

mishima: what

ann: ????????

akira: and also i may or may not be a fucking idiot and be currently in possession of an unfortunate combination of personas

mishima: elaborate

akira: okay well. personas are these, like, super-power beings that attack for us in the metaverse, with magic and everything

akira: they are also, quite literally, personas. as in, our personalities

akira: for some reason we still haven't figured out, i can have more than one persona

ann: which is fucking bullshit if you ask me

akira: i also found a way to fuse personas into a mega persona, if you will, so i change often

mishima: a great crash course, still doesn't explain how you're an idiot?

futaba: CAUSE HES THE FOOL

akira: ha ha futaba

mishima: oh cause the fool is joker the wild card i get it

akira: there's a succubus persona

mishima: OH

akira: and there's an incubus persona

mishima: this took a turn

akira: when i have the incubus, im a total top. with the succubus im a bottom bitch

akira: i have both right now

akira: and i am so fucking tired

akira: what im getting at is im the quenchiest bitch alive because of personas like those but also i keep giving myself whiplash when i have them both at once

ann: must be the most confused boner ever

akira: yeah you'd think being trans would at least spare me the boners but no, not when those two are around

futaba: why are they fucking in your brain

akira: you know what futaba i dont need your bullshit right now

akira: i need mishima's cuddles

makoto: Maybe we should go into Mementos so you can sort your personas out.

akira: we went yesterday i'd hate to ask you guys again.............

makoto: And I'd hate to see our leader too horny to fight but that doesn't seem to deter you.

mishima: knock knock

akira: the shop is open and i have no door what are you knocking

mishima: the stairs maybe

akira: get the fuck up here

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: gays give me your wisdom

yusuke: To be idle is to rot, to not create is to destroy. If I can't make with my hands, I shall make with my voice. If I am ever old enough to grow mute and blind, I hope I have given the world enough that offering my love will suffice.

akira: that was the best string of words i have ever heard in my entire life

akira: lesbians, give me your wisdom

makoto: Forgiveness is not absolution. A sin need not be forgiven for the sinner's sake, but for my own. I don't deserve to be tormented for the mistakes someone else made. My anger burns too hot to be wasted on their actions.

akira: you just touched my soul

akira: bi people, give me your wisdom

ryuji: life is as short as it is long - use that to your advantage. it's the longest thing you'll ever do, but you'll be lucky if it lasts a century. what's a century to the eternity of the earth? life's long enough for you to eff up now and fix things later. life's too short for you to be hesitant. have no regrets.

akira: i will treasure your advice forever

akira: pan people, give me your wisdom

ann: you cannot enjoy the past or the future. it may be fun to think about them, but you cannot get to them, you can never enjoy them. it's never tomorrow, it's never yesterday. living for moments other than the present is wasting time. enjoy now, live today, make choices, have fun. be materialistic. use your senses to the fullest. have fun.

akira: aristotle is vindicated through your words

akira: trans people give me your wisdom

haru: Treat others as you would treat yourself; treat yourself as you would treat others.

akira: such great meaning packed into so few words. im gonna get that tattooed

akira: aces give me your wisdom

futaba: watch naruto

akira: but its so many episodes

futaba: its worth it

ann: futaba are you kidding me i busted out my life advice and all you have to offer is naruto

futaba: dont boo me im right

ryuji: come on even i had something to say

futaba: for fucks sake fine

futaba: enjoy stories for what they are without looking for meaning sometimes the feelings a story evoked in you was the only reason it existed in the first place

ryuji: yeah i'm changing my advice to "use some fucking punctuation"

futaba: over my dead body

ryuji: that can be arranged

akira: no that was some good advice actually

ryuji: naruto, the stories, or the punctuation?

akira: all of the above

makoto: I'd like to retract my wisdom.

ann: yeah you didn't deserve my wisdom either give it back

akira: ITS TOO LATE FUCKERS YOU'VE GIVEN ME WISDOM MY STATS HAVE RAISED I AM STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE

 

 


	2. there's enough of me to go around babes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the con was great, in case anyone was wondering

 

akira: can we please go into mementos right now preferably

yusuke: I'm in Shibuya, if you want to meet up.

akira: i'm running

yusuke: What's wrong?

akira: inc and succ just got a lot more heated and im gonna fucking die if they keep going

yusuke: That sounds unfortunate.

haru: Wait!

haru: You two aren't going into Mementos alone, are you?

yusuke: I believe we are only going so Akira may sort out his issue.

akira: yep no fighting here no siree not tonight

akira: i have morgana with me so there's three of us we'll be fine

haru: Well, be careful nonetheless.

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


makoto: DID YOU THREE GO INTO MEMENTOS ALONE

haru: They did.

haru: They're still in, I think.

makoto: Oh for the love

makoto: Why didn't you stop them?

haru: It seemed serious.

haru: And I believe you yourself wanted Akira to sort his personas out as soon as possible.

makoto: Not at the expense of his safety!

makoto: Okay, fine. I guess we'll wait.

akira: we're back, we're back

yusuke: I'm sorry to have worried you.

makoto: What were you thinking!?

akira: i wasnt thinking thats the problem

akira: yesterday i thought "hey whatever ill just go to bed and sort them out while i sleep" but that didnt fucking happen so i was stuck

akira: and it was manageable or whatever until succubus decided to be so loud in whatever headspace they all hang out she distracted all the other personas

akira: incubus of course was having a field day at that

akira: i would've started screaming if morgana wasnt there to talk me down

yusuke: I was worried for him as well. He seemed to have terrible balance and sense of direction, I couldn't possibly leave him to his own devices.

makoto: Well.

makoto: Alright, I see your reasoning.

makoto: Be more careful in the future, okay?

akira: promise promise

akira: never doing THAT again

shiho: are you okay tho? i dont really get it, but it sounded like it was troubling you.....

akira: yeah yeah im fine thanks for worrying you're a treasure

akira: i got rid of both of them so im finally chill for once

shiho: you're pretty chill in general

akira: i LOOK chill but in reality im constantly screaming on the inside

yusuke: That can't possibly be true.

akira: okay fox you're the epitome of all things chill what goes on in your brain most of the time?

yusuke: Messy brainstorming, mostly. Odd yet fleeting moments of inspiration that I have to either chase or leave to the void, forgotten forever.

yusuke: On a more daily basis, I guess I often do mental calculations to manage my finances? I'm not the best at math so this takes a lot of brainpower. I would avoid it, if I could.

yusuke: I notice that, sometimes, I'm slower to thought when I'm injured or hungry or sore or otherwise uncomfortable. I suppose part of my mind at those times is focused on managing the discomfort, ignoring it, then convincing me that it's not there.

akira: are you telling me you can willingly shut down your pain response

yusuke: Not willingly, certainly! I just happen to be very good at making my body shut up with its complaints.

akira: thats worse

yusuke: If you so choose to see it.

shiho: god i fucking wish i could shut out pain

mishima: rt

ryuji: rt

ann: I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND I WILL FIGHT YOUR PAIN WITH MY OWN HANDS

shiho: i think that'll be counterproductive honey

ann: by that i mean let me massage you darling i have icyhot packs and a lot of love to give

shiho: ann not in the chat

ryuji: i'll take you up on it ann

mishima: pass

shiho: wait no don't go to ryuji come to me

ann: there's enough of me to go around babes

ryuji: that's what i like to hear ;p

shiho: come to me first

ann: if you come for me first

shiho: ANN

ryuji: GET IT ANN

akira: im so proud look at her go

shiho: NOT IN THE CHAT ANN

ann: but will you?

shiho: no you're being mean

ann: not even if i apologize really really nice and slow?

shiho: hh

akira: hey ann quick question do you think you're being subtle?

ann: absolutely not

ann: bye fuckers im sliding into those dms

ryuji: wow rude what about me

akira: apparently less of a priority

ryuji: im so effin done

ryuji: bet she thinks that i'd never give up on her

ryuji: why? cause i got her back in the metaverse? cause i love her? cause i'd die for her?

akira: are you proving your point or debunking it

ryuji: im not sure

ryuji: i lost my thought process

akira: your bi is showing

ryuji: excuse you like you have any room to talk

akira: i happen to not drop to my knees and beg every time someone offers a massage

mishima: hey akira do you want a massage

akira: yes

mishima: hmmm but i dont really wanna come to leblanc right now.........

akira: unfortunate

mishima: damn

mishima: worth a try i guess

ryuji: thanks man i appreciate it

mishima: anything for you man

yusuke: Akira, if it's not too much trouble, could I ask for a favor?

akira: sure what up

yusuke: I was struck with inspiration, but I would need a model to execute my idea. Would you be willing to pose for me?

akira: sure dude why not

akira: wait clothes or nah

yusuke: Preferably nah.

akira: uhhhhhh

yusuke: I need at least your arms to be naked.

akira: oh thank fuck i CanNot exist without my binder today

akira: ok im getting ready what else do you need from me

yusuke: If you're going to dress your legs, please wear something skintight. Leggings, ideally, but you don't seem the type to have any.

akira: you're absolutely right i have none

akira: also thin pants are on the same level as thin shirts for me so i'm just gonna pose in underwear sound good?

yusuke: Sounds excellent! Thank you!

yusuke: I'll be sure to make it worth your while, I promise.

akira: omw

ryuji: HEY AKIRA YOUR BI IS SHOWING

ryuji: thanks yusuke

yusuke: My pleasure.

yusuke: <3

ryuji: <3

akira: <3 you're both assholes

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


shiho: wait akira you don't like thin shirts?

akira: i don't like it when shirts are thin small and tight enough that you can see my chest

akira: i have two settings and they are either topless or layers there's no inbetween

ann: the fuck you wear to sleep

akira: are you asking me for nudes

ann: do you sleep nude?

akira: no i just happen to be nude right now

shiho: none of that, back to the shirts

shiho: you don't like your chest showing through your shirt, but you're fine topless?

akira: ye

akira: when im topless you can see my wide shoulders and my abs and think that maybe those are pecs

akira: with a shirt, though, those are definitely tits

shiho: oh that makes sense

shiho: sorry if i was pushy! i just wanted to make sure where your comfort stands

akira: my comfort doesn't stand it's constantly face-down on the floor

shiho: god what a mood

akira: does anyone want my tits i don't fucking want them

haru: Can I have them, please?

mishima: wait no haru take mine

akira: back off mishima she said she'd take mine

haru: I can take both!

mishima: okumura i love you

akira: you're a blessing noir

haru: Thank you, I try.

ann: so what do you wear to sleep

akira: soft loose shirt + sweatpants

ann: huh

akira: what do YOU wear to sleep

ann: undies + tank top

ann: and by undies i mean a bra too, otherwise my tiddies are all over the place

akira: everyone share your sleepwear go

mishima: pj bottoms+hoodie

ryuji: uhhh pants, maybe. usually not tho

futaba: chara pj sets

yusuke: Also pyjama sets. Not character-themed, however.

shiho: sweatpants paired with whatever shirt, top or dress i happen to have available

haru: Mostly dresses! I find it very uncomfortable to sleep wearing something with a waistband. I have a few onesies as well!

akira: what kinda onesies

haru: I have a variety.

haru: In fact, I believe I have enough that we could have a sleepover and have all of us wear one of my onesies.

akira: haru i love you so much

haru: <3 !!!

akira: wait makoto where you at? answer the question

makoto: Um.

makoto: Pants, maybe. Usually not, though.

ryuji: heyy

akira: can you both elaborate on that answer

ann: yeah ryuji are you saying you sleep naked

ryuji: sometimes?

ryuji: i mean, if the weather allows for it. and also if i'm not too sweaty when i go to sleep which i realize sounds kinda paradoxical, needing weather hot enough to sleep naked but cool enough that i'm not sweating balls

ryuji: no i'll count the nude as an exception

ryuji: final answer i sleep in underwear

makoto: I do not.

ann: makoto

makoto: Wearing clothes to bed is unnecessary, unless it's so cold that it's impossible.

ann: makoto nominated for most badass phantom thief

akira: was that ever up for debate?

makoto: Thank you.

akira: so we went through that entire conversation and no one asked me for nudes? unbelievable

ann: oh yeah you did say you were naked right now

ann: i thought you couldn't exist without your binder today?

akira: yusuke was convincing

ann: what, did he finally manage to talk someone into posing nude?

yusuke: Unfortunately not.

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

akira: futaba

futaba: im not unjust you brought this on yourself

yusuke: WE FUCKED

futaba: okay i didnt account for that

akira: we're phantom thieves why the FUCK did you not think i would steal his phone

futaba: listen its late im marathoning a stream

ann: enough of that akira send me some nudes

akira: see ann cares for me

akira: and just for that i'm going to dm them to her

futaba: if youd tried to post them here i would have made your phone explode dont test me

ryuji: hey babe can you send some to me too

akira: sure thing babe hold on

mishima: hey babe?

akira: ya?

mishima: <3

akira: <3

ann: hey akira quick question when were these taken

akira: approximately half an hour ago

ann: no i mean what were you doing at the time

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ann: ah i see

ryuji: i also see goddamn is that a hickey on your effing hip?? right into the hip???

akira: hold on

akira: yep i have a hickey on my hip

akira: thanks yusuke

yusuke: You're welcome.

ryuji: did you legit need to check whether you have a hickey or not

akira: yes

ryuji: for real??

FORREALBOT: --67--

akira: oop time to take a shot

makoto: :) Of what :) exactly? :)

akira: coffee yup just coffee here no alcohol at all

yusuke: I couldn't get alcohol in my dorm even if I wanted to. Not only do I not have the money for it, there's also the dorm rules that prevent me from doing so.

yusuke: I also don't have any coffee, Akira. Apologies.

akira: nah its fine i'll just tally it up and drink a normal coffee next time the forrealbot pings

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the phantom thieves ranked based on what was the first thing they did right after awakening their personas
> 
> 7th place: posed dramatically while her persona armed an artillery. overall not much action.  
> 6th place: posed dramatically with chains rattling about. points for how intimately painful the mask ripping looked.  
> 5th place: cracked his knuckles to square up with an asshole. excellent dialogue.  
> 4th place: asked for help. while necessary, not very dramatic.  
> 3rd place: GUN IT  
> 2nd place: waxed poetic over the beauty of ugliness. didn't pose stationarily, but moved slowly enough that he was striking a pose no matter when you paused. incredibly dramatic.  
> 1st place: snatched someone's longsword and sliced her own doppelganger clean in half. most dramatic of all.


	3. dysphoric on main

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bad feels warning, trauma implied

mishima: petition to put my hips through the grinder

akira: i have a good joke to make but before that - are you being horny on main or dysphoric on main?

mishima: dysphoric on main

akira: ok nvm then

akira: instead lemme just say that i like your hips?

mishima: you can have them

akira: um

akira: that's uh. very winky face of you.

mishima: i changed my mind. horny on main

mishima: but also i hate my hips rn so i CanNot

akira: well then

futaba: i s2g if you two start sexting in the gc im gonna make it so no electrical device ever works near you ever again

akira: fine we'll take it to dms damn

akira: how about i offer some sfw hip love instead

futaba: dont phrase it like that youre on thin fucking ice

mishima: im sure he'll behave

akira: how kind of you to put your trust in me

akira: i was just gonna say that your hips are cute but okay

mishima: really? sounds kinda plain, for you

akira: what do you want me to say, mishima? want me to wax poetic over how grabbable your hips are? about how you fit on me so well that i could legit spend 72 hours straight cuddling with you? how i love your hips grinding on me so much that sometimes when i think about it i'm being so obvious that even morgana can tell? that i want you to fuck my face because i love your hips so much?

mishima: damn bitch you didnt have to go that hard

akira: i did. for you.

akira: before you blacklist me futaba

akira: i know some of that wasn't sfw but my boy was needing me i had to respond

futaba: ill allow it

akira: how generous

yusuke: Oh, are we appreciating Mishima's hips?

mishima: um

yusuke: They are rather lovely. Mishima's proportions in general are very pleasing. He would make for a great model. Would you be up to modeling for me sometime, Mishima?

mishima: what, nakey?

yusuke: Please?

mishima: i

mishima: i guess i'll think about it.......... i wanna at least wear some boxers or something

yusuke: Oh well, such is life. That would be fine, too, if it would make you more comfortable.

yusuke: And don't try to force it. It really shows when the model is uncomfortable.

mishima: oh

mishima: it does?

yusuke: Of course.

yusuke: Art is willed, Mishima.

mishima: what?

yusuke: What part didn't you understand, exactly?

mishima: uh

yusuke: It's fine, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

futaba: dont be mean to the npc inari

mishima: dont go calling me an npc!! what's the matter with you!!

futaba: i speak the truth

akira: both of you back off

yusuke: So that's where your loyalties lie? A pity.

akira: dont even start yusuke you know i love you all with my entire heart

akira: don't do that

yusuke: Fine.

yusuke: I apologize. I was out of line.

futaba: dont boo me im right

mishima: you're impossible

futaba: nope just statistically improbable

mishima: ive had enough of this

akira: yeah same let's go into dms

futaba: YOUD FUCKING BETTER

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


shiho: ><

shiho: ><><><><

shiho: >< >< ><

shiho: ><<<<<<<<

ryuji: im here im here tell me

shiho: no surface is safe. nothing. not a single thing can comfort me.

shiho: im in my bed? bed is for fucking. floor? floor is for fucking?

shiho: goddamn, can't even LOOK at a desk right now, no table no chair

ryuji: shit where are you?

shiho: emptied my closet and sat inside

shiho: i don't have to look at anything and this is definitely not for fucking

shiho: he couldn't fit in here

ryuji: shit man you shouldn't have to mentally calculate how small a space has to be for you to feel safe

shiho: listen if you wanna trade brains, ryuji, i'd be delighted.

ryuji: mine isn't much better

ryuji: plus i'm constantly in pain so i don't think that'd work out for you

shiho: tell me

ryuji: it jams in its socket sometimes. sometimes it dislocates if i don't watch how i move

ryuji: my kneecap hates me

shiho: i literally cannot drop things. if i drop it, it's dead to me

shiho: im lucky if someone is around to pick it up for me, but they don't always

shiho: cant bend over

shiho: cant kneel

shiho: cant even lean down too much

ryuji: hey hey hey im here you're talking to me snap out of it breathe deep

shiho: fuck

shiho: sorry, i woke you up didn't i?

ryuji: nah i wasnt sleeping anyway

ryuji: like i said, chronic pain........

shiho: thats

shiho: thats admirable, ryuji. that you won't even vent about your pain.

shiho: sorry that was shitty to say

ryuji: a little yeah

shiho: what was actually admirable was that,,,,, that you stopped him.

shiho: you stopped him. you kept your team safe.

shiho: it only took one punch and you saved your team from harm

ryuji: my team got disbanded

ryuji: my leg got broken

ryuji: and he'd been at us for months. i wouldn't say i kept anyone safe.

shiho: but compare it to mine.

shiho: my team had hell to deal with every day

shiho: we got everything you did and more

shiho: so much more

ryuji: shiho, stop.

ryuji: i didn't save anyone. i just moved the harm from one team to another.

ryuji: if he'd coached us as long as he did the volleyball team, he'd do the same shit im sure

shiho: but he didnt

ryuji: he did! to you!

ryuji: you know why he stopped for good? why he's behind bars right now? why he's away from school and all of us?

shiho: because the phantom thieves stole his heart?

ryuji: but why would we have

shiho: ........

ryuji: its shitty its shitty its shitty

ryuji: you jumpstarted the whole thing

ryuji: you think ann would've joined us if she could still protect you? we would've died without her im sure

ryuji: you're the reason the phantom thieves even exist

shiho: ............because i jumped.

ryuji: its shitty its shitty im sorry

ryuji: but yes and it SUCKS that you had to before anyone did anything

ryuji: sure fuck sure let's say i got my team safe 

ryuji: but wouldn't that mean i got YOUR team in danger?

ryuji: it's because of you that everyone is safe now

shiho: but i didn't save myself

ryuji: i know

ryuji: and it sucks

ryuji: im sorry

shiho: no

shiho: thank you

shiho: that

shiho: i needed to hear that, i think

shiho: i mean, yeah that was a shitty conversation on a shitty topic but

shiho: ...

shiho: thanks.

ryuji: anytime.

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


mishima: im

mishima: im sorry

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


mishima: im sorry im sorry im sorry i should've done something but instead i helped him like a fucking tool and i didn't even get anything to save myself i just dreaded denying him

mishima: i even got fucking akira a bad reputation i got some random transfer student who literally moved here to start clean a bad fucking reputation

mishima: and fuck maybe it'd have been better if i could say that i at least did it to protect myself but

mishima: shit i still flinch whenever someone moves too fast

mishima: say something

mishima: please im begging you

akira: i was never really angry at you for digging up my record and spreading it around

akira: but you're at fault here

akira: and i know you had bruises every day to the point i barely recognized you once you healed, and that you wore and still wear regret like its a fashion statement but damn it mishima

akira: you could've at least resisted

mishima: i know

shiho: hey

mishima: good morning im sorry

shiho: it's in the past

shiho: you wouldn't have if he didn't make you

mishima: no of course not

shiho: it's fine now

mishima: okay

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jocks crying together ft. the entire team reading along and being scared to give their two cents for fear of stepping out of line, 4 hours extended ost


	4. did you legit just offer to decapitate me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> today was a super weird day so im posting this chapter to make sure it's as weird as it can get

 

makoto: Everyone, there'll be random patrols by teachers and student council members today. Be mindful of your actions and words, even when you think that no one's around.

ann: we're all looking at you ryuji

ryuji: hey you're at least equally at fault here

ann: nope its all you

ryuji: you know what ann

ann: yes i do know what so shut up

ryuji: okay ive never been shut down so efficiently in my life im gonna go grab a snack this conversation is over and dead to me

ann: coward

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


akira: haru pls. come take my tits. put me out of my misery.

haru: I'm at the roof, if you want to bring them to me?

akira: damn it haru no this isn't a booty text

haru: Oh no, I didn't take it as one. I was just going to put you out of your misery.

akira: kill me with your plants

haru: I'd offer my axe in the Metaverse, but okay, I'll try to make it work with plants!

akira: i cant even tell

akira: are you responding to my nihilism with more advanced nihilism or did you legit just offer to decapitate me?

haru: I'd never.

akira: im still confused

haru: :) :) :)

akira: confused & scared

futaba: naked n afraid

akira: im wearing clothes

futaba: thats what they all say

akira: okay im terrified what does this mean

futaba: *v*

akira: what the FUCK is that

akira: stop scaring me damn it!!! im fragile!

yusuke: You are not.

akira: shhhh

yusuke: If you say so.

futaba: INTERESTING

futaba: inari what juicy gossip do you have abt akiras fragility

yusuke: He told me to shhhh.

futaba: and you listen to him

yusuke: The topic concerns him, so yes.

haru: Is this about the other day? When Akira selectively sent nudes instead of sharing them all around like a good boy?

akira: HHHHHHHHHHHHH

futaba: im kinkshaming

akira: JUST A MOMENT AGO YOU WERE BUGGING YUSUKE FOR JUICY GOSSIP

futaba: yes today i specifically prepared myself for yalls horny nonsense so if you fail to deliver ill be very disappointed

ryuji: y'all's

futaba: you heard me

ryuji: this is a written conversation you dumbass

futaba: thats rich coming from you

ryuji: YOU WANNA GO

futaba: i wanna go listen to yusukes juicy gossip

ryuji: for real, man? come onnnnnn

FORREALBOT: --68--

yusuke: It is really not my place to say. I would, in the very least, need permission before sharing.

akira: dude i love you so much

yusuke: And I, you.

futaba: blease

akira: okay fine you can tell

yusuke: Really?

akira: yeah go for it

yusuke: Okay.

yusuke: I'd say Akira is moderately fragile.

yusuke: I mean. Actually, sorry, I think I lost the context of the question.

yusuke: Was it sexual? Was it survivalistic? Was it Metaverse-related?

futaba: take your pick tall boy

yusuke: Hm.

yusuke: Well I think I'm the sturdiest of the Phantom Thieves, in a survivalistic context.

yusuke: Considering I'm the one who can ignore my basic needs most effectively for the longest time.

akira: that's not something to be proud of

yusuke: And in a fight, Ryuji has got to be the sturdiest one, yes? I believe we've agreed he's the tank of the group.

futaba: fuck we did agree that didnt we

ryuji: sure

yusuke: I'm not very familiar with those in the groupchat who are not in the Phantom Thieves. My apologies.

mishima: nah thats fine

yusuke: But back to Akira. While he can take a hit in both contexts, but that's about all he can take.

akira: excuse

yusuke: I mean no insult! It's just.

yusuke: We do spend a lot of healing on you.

ann: can confirm

makoto: Indeed...

akira: morgana the fucker just snickered at me

yusuke: So, to sum up, Akira is a decent survivalist and Phantom Thief.

yusuke: What else...

yusuke: Hm. He's not very fragile as far as sex goes. I can't remember him ever safewording me.

ann: damn now that you mention it

mishima: wait has he NEVER safeworded anyone????

makoto: That's true, isn't it...

akira: False

ryuji: false

ann: oh

futaba: go on

ryuji: i mean. i feel kinda bad, being the only one he's ever safeworded

ryuji: right? everyone? who DIDN'T confirm?

haru: Me! I'm confirming now, Akira has never safeworded me.

akira: i can confirm the only one here who i've ever safeworded is ryuji

ryuji: oh

ryuji: fuck

akira: it's okay baby that's what it's for

ryuji: yeah but like

ryuji: damn bitch i just HAD to be the one who pushed you to safeword?

akira: you didn't push me. that's what it's for. it has the word "safe" in the name

akira: oh darling don't beat yourself up about it

akira: if nothing else then it's gotta mean you and i have the most variety, right?

ryuji: you dare say that with haru in the groupchat

akira: i dont fuck haru THAT often

haru: I don't fuck Akira that often!

haru: Oh!

akira: there see

ryuji: effin

ryuji: fine. okay. okay. fine.

akira: i love youu

ryuji: ily2

yusuke: Can I speak now?

futaba: let the fox speak

yusuke: Good.

yusuke: As I was saying, Akira isn't fragile at all. Though it would seem Ryuji has figured a way to make him so.

akira: BACK OFF DONT MAKE MY BOY FEEL BAD

yusuke: I suppose that phrasing was loaded.

yusuke: Apologies.

ryuji: it's. fine.

ryuji: you have a point anyway

akira: please just let it go

makoto: Would it be inappropriate to ask what it was that caused the situation?

makoto: If not for curiosity, then for future reference?

akira: jokes on you im fine with the concept now

makoto: But are you fine with the act, too?

akira: yes

akira: babe i'm gonna tell them

ryuji: the eff you asking ME for? this is YOUR dirty laundry getting aired to your entire friend circle, dude

akira: it involves you! of course i'm gonna ask

akira: anyway it's not something bad, i just got a flashback when it happened

ryuji: define "just"

akira: shush

akira: hands tied behind my back, then pushed to bend over a table.

akira: flashbacked to my arrest.

akira: safeworded

akira: stopped, tried again another day

akira: (that one went fine)

makoto: Oh. I guess that does sound similar to getting arrested...

akira: it sure felt that way at the moment yeah

ryuji: sorry

akira: babe

ryuji: i know i know

makoto: Thank you for sharing. I was worried you wouldn't be comfortable in doing so.

akira: and let yall live with the fear of accidentally doing something that makes me safeword? hell no

mishima: what the fuck are you on about i safeword you all the time

haru: Yes? I can list several instances of my using a safeword when we're together?

ann: same????

ann: we have a fucking safeword for the chat??? bitch???

akira: to be fair >< isnt exactly a word

ann: do not diss on >< in my presence

futaba: dont fucking use it for no reason i archive this shit

ann: she's right.

akira: no but it's like my THING okay i don't safeword i'm down for anything

makoto: That's not...

makoto: No, Akira, you shouldn't think of safewords as a so-called "thing."

makoto: It's not some concept that only concerns you on occasion. It's a big part of a lot of interactions, and therefore depends gravely on the person you're with.

makoto: You can't have a "thing" for something that's so varying.

akira: you're telling this to the wild card?

akira: varying IS my thing

futaba: deep sigh

futaba: i came out today for juicy gossip and yall devolve into serious conversation

makoto: "Devolve?" Oh no.

haru: How do you mean that, Futaba-chan?

futaba: shit theyre onto me

futaba: yep im pissing my pants

futaba: this conversation is cancelled bye

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yesterday around noon i randomly decided on the spot to go to a con four hours away by bus from my uni city. i had never been to this con before and honestly i wasn't too keen on going but you know what? i got to shake don rosa's hand and got two signed posters and that alone was reason enough for me to wake up at 5.30 this morning, take the first intercity bus half in cosplay, put on my wig and makeup _while on the bus_ and then spend no more than four hours at the con centre before i left to come home again.  
> yall,  
> i met don rosa.


	5. do i need to throw down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wild card wild card wild card

 

akira: she/her today

futaba: gotcha leader

ann: i'll be at the ready to distract anyone who tries to speak to you

akira: bold of you to assume people speak to me

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ann: fuck

akira: it's fine

ann: you sure?

akira: i mean yeah what am i gonna do, ask the teachers to ignore me? they're just trying to do their jobs

ann: yeah but like.

ryuji: what's going on and do i need to throw down

ann: no it's just. we never use any honorifics when talking to each other so i forgot, but like....

akira: calm down -kun isn't that gendered

ann: i'm pretty sure teachers are obligated to gender their honorifics

makoto: They are.

akira: yeah but i can pretend that's not the case

akira: besides, that's the uniform i'm wearing, isn't it?

ann: i'd lend you my uniform if our hips were remotely the same size

akira: ann i would die for you

ann: no don't do that

makoto: I'd offer mine, but I only have enough spares to get me through the week.

akira: makoto i would die for you

makoto: What would that accomplice?

haru: Oh! I have a number of uniforms! I'd be more than glad to give you one or two sets!

haru: You could keep them, even! Don't worry, I have plenty!

akira: haru i would die for you

haru: You will!

akira: that aside, i doubt i can actually come to school wearing a skirt

akira: hell i'll probably have to work myself up to wearing one at home

akira: like it's not that i dislike performative femininity or anything, just, fucking.......

akira: i guess it just sucks that i get dysphoria even when my pronouns line up with those given to me at birth

futaba: big nb mood right there

akira: i guess

futaba: cmon just say it

akira: sigh fine

akira: futaba i would die for you

futaba: then perish

ryuji: hey

akira: ryuji i would die for you

ryuji: NOT IF I DIE FOR YOU FIRST

mishima: hey quick question are the phantom thieves okay

ryuji: none of us are okay

ryuji: you think we'd have formed the team if we were okay? heck no

mishima: concern

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: told ya

shiho: told ya what?

ann: she bet me 500y that no one would talk to her all day long.

ann: and she was right

akira: and i was right!

shiho: how does no one speak to you all day long?

akira: well, teachers don't count. and everyone at shujin thinks i killed a man in 2002 and am still in the process of disposing the body

shiho: wouldn't it have rotten by now?

akira: you focus on that but don't question that i could've commited a crime in 2002

shiho: i'm sure you'd do fine

akira: in criming? as a three-year-old?

shiho: you're the leader, aren't you?

akira: how come i've never kissed you

ann: bitch back off

shiho: yes that was rather sudden

akira: sorry

akira: i meant that you're a pretty cool gal, and even back when i had 0 friends here and no one to vouch for me, you tried to see things from my perspective and never thought badly of me

akira: and like.

akira: i do like intimacy, i really do.

akira: but if that's not for you, then no.

shiho: ngl my preferred method of getting off is sexting.

shiho: no joke.

shiho: so i'm pretty sure your intimacy would be unappreciated

shiho: but

shiho: maybe a kiss would be alright.

shiho: if. you're down for that.

akira: absolutely

shiho: okay

ann: do you want me there?

shiho: please

akira: that would be nice

ann: kay

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: he/him

makoto: Hm.

akira: what

makoto: I noticed you changed personas... Do they affect your pronouns?

akira: sometimes

akira: I mean, they ARE personas. Like, it's right there in the name.

akira: And I guess they're magical creatures and stuff so they're not exactly perfectly affecting...

akira: Can you imagine Ryuji trying to pirate a ship? Oh man.

ryuji: do i diss on your personas

akira: no but that's only bc each and every one of mine has something absolutely ridiculous going on for it and it's so obvious that it wouldn't be funny to point it out

futaba: tag yourself im akira changing his style of typing depending on who hes talking to

akira: Wild Card, Bitch!

ann: im ryuji trying to pirate a ship

yusuke: I'm Makoto typing two lines before dropping off the face of the Earth.

mishima: i'm reading "he/him" then reading the "hm" as another "him"

akira: im the magical creatures

ryuji: i'm out bye

akira: don't you mean you're out as a bi?

ryuji: i will steal your teeth

akira: kinky

ryuji: you do have that persona yes

akira: DON'T YOU FUCKING SPEAK OF KIN-KI THAT WAY YOU FUNKY PIECE OF CARAMEL

ryuji: funky piece of caramel

akira: YOU HEARD ME

akira: LEAVE MY CHILD  A L O N E

ryuji: your child? i thought your personas were all parts of yourself

futaba: i literally dont even have to screenshot just scroll up to see ryuji asking if he ever disses akiras personas

akira: betrayed by my boyfriend, the only person i love now is my sister

futaba: jkdshdlhgrehghu

futaba: ????????

akira: oh huh

akira: uhhhhhhhhh

futaba: you said that you said that you said that

akira: UHHHHHHHHH

futaba: bitch

futaba: DONT LOG OUT

futaba: YOU SAID THAT AKIRA COME BACK HERE AND OWN UP TO YOUR WORDS

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


mishima: i'm scared to ask but if i don't then i'll never sleep again

mishima: what happened here??

futaba: he called and we hashed it out its all chill

akira: what up everyone i have a hack sister to go with my coffee dad now

futaba: thats not fair you have no clear role

futaba: uhhhhh leader brother delinquent brother wild card brother

futaba: nothing fucking works

akira: you'll find something

futaba: wallflower brother

futaba: shit

futaba: no thats right shit brother

akira: i haven't had a sister for two hours and i already want her gone

futaba: i will strangle you

akira: you can't reach my neck

futaba: youve stooped low enough for me to reach

futaba: i have a shit brother everyone

akira: i'm changing hack sister to heck sister

futaba: oh

futaba: ?

futaba: i thought you wanted me gone

futaba: ?

ryuji: for fuck's sake jst put the punctuation in the same message

futaba: id rather die

akira: i've never had a sister before i'm not gonna pass up on this

ryuji: huh

ryuji: you're an only child, then?

akira: yup

akira: i've never had a coffee dad either but he's not in the chat so he's fine

akira: damn i should call home

ryuji: dude you good?

ann: for some reason, you give off middle sibling vibes

ryuji: me or akira

ann: akira

ann: you're definitely an older brother

makoto: I am certain that I'm the only one in this group chat who actually has siblings.

mishima: i have a little sib but he is much much younger than me

mishima: like, two years old.

makoto: That's quite the age difference.

mishima: i'm just glad my room is far enough from his that he doesn't wake me up in the middle of the night

akira: okay i called home and no one's picking up so like

akira: shit what time is it?? mom must be on the road rn, damn should i text her??

ann: yes?

akira: i'm texting her

ann: i don't think i've ever heard you talk about your home before

akira: that's because i like it that way

ann: oh

ann: i mean, the only other thing i can remember is when you told us about your arrest......

akira: mhm

ann: okay

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: i don't mean to shut you guys out

akira: i just don't like talking about home

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ryuji: is it because of how your home is, or because of us?

akira: neither

akira: i genuinely just don't want to talk about it

ryuji: babe,,,

akira: respect this. please.

ryuji: alright

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that ended on an ominous note when i didnt mean it to, oops


	6. Deliver pictures for the rest of us, please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow didn't mean to make that update exactly on that two-month mark. i'd say finals but the truth is i'd forgotten that in order to put art in my fic i need to actually draw the art first. my b  
> dw images are all captioned - in this house we make our art accessible

shiho: someone just passed by my desk at school while muttering "phantom thieves" and i had the weirdest out-of-body experience

haru: Are you quite alright?

shiho: i'm swell

shiho: now my classmates are talking about it in groups and like singling out the kids from tokyo to interrogate abt the pt

shiho: it'll probably be my turn soon i'm sweating

haru: You could fake a phone call?

ann: want me to call you?

shiho: no its fine i can do this

haru: Be strong!

ann: get it shiho! i'm rooting for you!

akira: let us know how it went

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


shiho: sorry lunch period ended before we were done talking about it and i had to attend class

shiho: it went fine! i'm half-convinced my class thinks i stan the phantom thieves now......

ann: don't you?

shiho: no! i'm friends with them!

ryuji: shiho are you kidding me I stan the phantom thieves and i AM a phantom thieves

shiho: some of us have it together

ryuji: all of us are hot messes shiho

shiho: stopp,,,p,, saying my name,,,,,,

ryuji: what's up

shiho: hhhhh

shiho: fine i'm just gonna say it

shiho: i think i'm getting a crush on you

ryuji: interesting

shiho: yes so you have to stop being attractive

ryuji: what if i crank it up instead

ryuji: then you won't be able to resist my charm

shiho: ryuji no offense but your idea of flirting is majorly upsetting to me

shiho: besides, broad shoulders of an athlete? are you trying to kill me here?

shiho: i didn't start liking you once i moved away by ACCIDENT

ryuji: ok first of all it hurts my feelings that you would even compare me to the scum of earth but you're the only one who gets to do such a thing so i'll let it slide

ryuji: secondly i would never ever ever in my life or death do anything to willingly hurt you, and if by some sick twist of fate i ever DID hurt you, i would give my good leg to make it right again

ann: god i love you

shiho: I TOLD YOU TO STOP BEING ATTRACTIVE

ryuji: this isn't me being attractive this is common decency and maybe an extra shot of kindness

shiho: how is that not attractive???

ryuji: i

ryuji: shit i think i like you back

shiho: damn it ryuji you've doomed us both

ryuji: me? you're the one who came clean first!

ann: i'm ending this conversation right now everyone needs to chill out futaba silence this chat for an hour

futaba: done and done

\-- MESSAGES HAVE BEEN BANNED! --

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


\-- MESSAGES HAVE BEEN UNBANNED! --

shiho: ann i will give you a buzz cut in your sleep

ann: from the country? please

ryuji: i will do it for her

ann: why what's in it for you

ryuji: boyfriend duties

ann: !! nice !!

futaba: good job

ann: i'm so happy for you two!!

ann: and also for ME cause my two favorite people in the world are now together!!

ryuji: yeah you're gonna be real happy when we team up to cut all your hair off

ann: you wouldn't dare

ann: what about MY boyfriend??

akira: me?

yusuke: Not me, right?

ann: no, ryuji

ann: you're my boyfriend too! don't you have boyfriend duties to me??

ryuji: no newest girlfriend gets most perks

shiho: aww babe :,)

ryuji: :*

shiho: ^3^

futaba: gross

ryuji: it's okay i know children are repulsed by pda

futaba: say goodbye to your kneecaps

ryuji: take them they're not much good

futaba: damn bitch you okay

ryuji: of course not none of us are okay we're all hot messes we've been over this

akira: so let me sum up the situation,

akira: next time we see shiho i get to kiss her and also she's dating ryuji now so they also get the opportunity to be gross and in love together?

shiho: oh this suddenly sounds like a terrible idea

ann: shiho i will launch all of them into the sun itself if you ask me to

shiho: what no

ann: shiho i would die for you

shiho: cool beans

ryuji: shiho i would die for you

shiho: k

akira: shiho i would die for you

shiho: perish

mishima: shiho

mishima: let's stop talking about this i get the feeling you're .5 seconds away from a panic attack

shiho: gee what gave you that idea

shiho: was it the most uncomfortable responses i've ever texted or the fact that the people who've called dibs on getting intimate with me teamed up to be macabre at my suicidal ass??

mishima: shiho i would live for you

shiho: you will.

ann: omg babe im so sorry

shiho: i love one man and one man only

ann: baaaaabe

ryuji: no pls love me

shiho: i'm breaking up with everyone mishima is my only boyfriend now

mishima: uncomfortable laughter

shiho: no im kidding im not gonna break up with anyone

mishima: dont scare me im sensitive

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: dress,,,,,, is a go

futaba: owo

akira: owo??

futaba: whats this

yusuke: Can you both please cease?

akira: please cease these sleaze biz?

yusuke: Akira, turn on your location. I just want to talk.

haru: I'm here! I'm here. I heard "dress?"

akira: ah yes,,

akira: ,,,,,,,,,dr,ess,,,, ,, ,,,,,,

akira: ,,,dres,s,,,, is a, go,,,,,

futaba: fucking deliver you coward

akira: come to leblanc yourself you coward

haru: Deliver pictures for the rest of us, please!

akira: damn fine okay

akira: ,,,,,,,,

akira: i can't

haru: Oh no! Why, darling?

yusuke: Are you unable to, or are you not comfortable with it?

akira: hhhhhhh both??

akira: like the point is obviously getting the skirt of the dress in the shot but then it's gonna be a fullbody pic and like ahahahh,a,ahah,ha, me? a picture of my body? in a dress??

akira: heart: hey let's present feminine today!

akira: body: oh god please yes don't wear a binder i'm begging you, just one day of regular breathing i don't ask for much

akira: brain: no bitch, does not compute. you hate this and yourself good day

ann: darling

ann:

akira: oh

akira: 

ann: 

akira: 

haru: You both look lovely!

ann: thank you! the dress is mine.

haru: Oh? But it doesn't look like you're at LeBlanc?

ann: ha no i handed the dress over and dodged

ann: i was NOT gonna be there while akira is wearing it, okay?

ann: 

haru: 

yusuke: Sorry to interrupt what is honestly an incredibly pure and valid exchange, but would it be too much to ask what you're standing in front of, Haru?

haru: It's a poster! Do you want a better picture?

yusuke: Yes, please.

haru: You have to trade me a picture of your own, first!

yusuke: oh

yusuke: 

haru: 

yusuke: Beautiful.

yusuke: And I guess the poster looks fine, too.

akira:

ann: 

haru: 

yusuke: 

shiho: 

futaba: 

makoto:

ann: RYUJI GET YOUR ASS HERE

ryuji: im here wheres the fire

ann: SCROLL UP THEN SELFIE

ryuji: oh SHIT

ryuji: 

mishima: 

akira: 

akira: look all the phantom thieves finished my heart

futaba: thats a paw

akira: oh like you did any better? i can't see a thing in your pic

futaba: good

akira: im here in a dress sending you guys pictures and you won't even get some proper light to respond smh futaba smh

akira: oh my god im taking this off

ann: strip strip strip

ryuji: strip strip strip

haru: Strip! Strip! Strip!

akira: you've all seen me naked what's the matter with you

 


	7. i'm gonna launch myself into the void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plot? in MY chatfic??? mayhaps

ryuji: hey haru?

haru: Yes?

ryuji: tell your dad that he can go choke on a stick

haru: To his face?

ryuji: either that or get him to fix his effin palace

ryuji: god fucking damn could he have made it any more bullshit??

mishima: what's going on

ryuji: okumura's palace is a piece of shit is what's going on

ryuji: we got stuck and we went back TWICE without making any process

ryuji: and we've explored the whole floor at this point we're just wasting time

haru: I'm sure we'll break through soon enough!

makoto: Yes, please stop working yourself up about it, Ryuji. There must be some way to cross over.

ryuji: cross over the fucking VOID??? are you kidding me????

mishima: ?? the void?? embrace the void, dude

makoto: No, he's being quite literal.

makoto: The Palace is set in outer space. There's a door leading out of the station and a corresponding door leading into another part of the station.

makoto: However, there is nothing between them.

makoto: We'd explode if we attempted to cross as we are now.

mishima: uh

mishima: can people die in palaces??

makoto: I've never seen it happen.

haru: The injuries we retain in the Metaverse do carry over in the real world! However, there is also the magical power of healing, so we rarely come out of the Metaverse with injuries.

ann: yeah i've been around the block longer and i can confirm

ann: you're more hurt in the metaverse than you are in real life. one time i got bruised all over my hip, but when i came out the bruise was the size of a playing card and a little shallower

mishima: what was the original size?

ann: like, a hand? a hand splayed open. maybe two hands.

ann: it's not a big difference, but it is

ann: there are these reviving spells, too, though....... i'm pretty sure we don't actually die, right?

makoto: I highly doubt that. It's never happened to me, but when using it, it feels like the spell is drawn to whoever's out. That must mean they're still alive, right?

haru: Don't look at me, I'm not a healer and I've only seen this twice.

ryuji: hi im not a healer either but i go down a lot

ryuji: i'm pretty sure we just pass the eff out. maybe fall into a coma, at WORST

ann: yeah it does feel like fainting! and the spell feels like it goes where it needs to by itself

ann: on the other hand, trying to use it when nobody is down feels like it refuses it leave, you know? like it refuses to be cast

akira: okay i just asked morgana the expert

akira: m "It is very possible for someone to die in the Metaverse, yes. That's why we have to be careful! Why do you think we always run with our tails between our legs whenever Joker goes down?"

ann: he said that??

akira: yeah im terrified too

akira: like buddy, am i the only one you can't afford to lose?? what the hell??

akira: m "Well, not to say that any one of us would jump in the way of harm aimed for you, but we would literally rather die than have you gone."

akira: im

akira: i have to lie down

ryuji: i mean

ryuji: it IS true

mishima: are the phantom thieves okay?

ryuji: no next question

mishima: right uh

mishima: why don't you guys just jump over through the void? how far is the other door

makoto: Mishima, we would explode. I'm being literal.

mishima: huh? no you just have to hold your breath for a bit?

ryuji: idk dude space is very cold

makoto: You're both missing the point.

makoto: We would explode, as in expand so fast and in every direction that our fleshy bodies would burst into pieces.

ann: hello im scared what the fuck

makoto: There's no outer pressure in space. There is on Earth.

makoto: Humans have internal pressure equal to that of the atmosphere.

makoto: That internal pressure would push out in space. Skin isn't enough to counter that pressure, and don't get me started on our suits.

makoto: All of us have most of our heads exposed. Some of us have our chests exposed, too. And even if we had them covered, the material our outfits are made of isn't appropriate.

makoto: We'd die violently and messily.

ann: petition to redesign my thief outfit

yusuke: Yes, suddenly I am very concerned that I'm the only one with my throat out.

haru: Mona-chan doesn't even wear clothes!

makoto: Ironically enough, he's the one whose head is covered the most.

yusuke: His throat is covered, too...

haru: I wonder if my father has any pods hidden somewhere in his Palace. Surely, there must be a way to climb through?

ann: maybe there's only pods on the other side

ann: hell what if there are more than two sides, what if we have to find more than one pod??

ann: what if the only pod available is with his shadow self and he's the only one who can travel around????

ryuji: maybe there's a teleportation pad

yusuke: As was discussed when we were there, there are no teleportation pads.

ryuji: but what if we didn't check EVERYWHERE

yusuke: Ryuji, we've been searching up and down that station so intensely that I could recreate it from memory. I could sketch it up right now.

yusuke: I'm starting to memorize the Shadows' movements. If you ask me to go in there one more time and search again, I'm going to lose it.

yusuke: Spare me.

akira: okay lets all calm down no one's gonna lose it

akira: we're all going to take our time to relax. we're not going back into that palace unless we have a good idea of what to do next

akira: also, i mentioned the exploding thing to morgana and he jumped out the window.

ann: hard same

akira: no, hard same would be if we jumped through that door and into outer space

mishima: what about that thing in movies, does that apply? when the airlock opens and the air from inside rushes out

makoto: That would apply, yes. However, I doubt that little escaped air would be enough to keep us alive.

makoto: We can't even be sure on whether that push would be enough to carry us over. For all we know, it might knock us out of path and into certain death.

haru: Impressive, Mako-chan! You know so much. I've never been quite this good at physics...

akira: wait

akira: wait, does okumura know that living things explode in space?

makoto: Huh?

akira: it's HIS cognition! if he doesn't know, maybe we're safe

haru: Oh! Well, I doubt he knows that!

akira: so we could jump right out???

makoto: Now wait a minute.

ryuji: i can jump out first if you're scared, queen

makoto: Ryuji I will chain you to the floor if I have to.

ryuji: kinky

ryuji: don't steal akira's brand

akira: now hold on

ryuji: i speak the truth

akira: maybe i'd like to keep some of my dignity how about that

yusuke: You have one of those?

akira: oh my god

akira: betrayed by the last man who had his hands down my pants i can't believe this

mishima: hey bigass question what the fuck

ryuji: when akira first summoned his persona we were in a dungeon cell and there were chains around and both he and arsene just RATTLED them for the drama of it

akira: dont listen to him i'm a good boy

ryuji: no listen to me i don't lie

akira: you're the only one who claims this to be true so you have no one to back you up

ryuji: because i was the only witness you kinky piece of shit

mishima: yeah the fact that you just called yourself a good boy isn't helping you,,,,,,

akira: im INNOCENT

futaba: im here with receipts

akira: nevermind then

futaba: so you do know whats best for you huh

akira: hey futaba quick question do you and necronomicon constantly tentacle fuck when you're in it

futaba: i take it back you dont know whats best for you

akira: its not my fault you manifested your inner self as a hentai chamber

akira: im kinkshaming

futaba: oh please akira we all know youd bend over for arsene

akira: excuse you??

akira: i'd bend over for all of my personas

akira: id bend over for all of YOUR personas

akira: id bend over for the shadows

akira: i already have bent over for most of the phantom thieves

akira: dont test me

mishima: quick question

akira: i'll be taking no questions

mishima: damn okay

akira: no im kidding what's up

mishima: would you bend over for the phansite admin

akira: i might

mishima: oh cool cause i know the guy and he was asking me to hook him up

akira: nice

akira: ask him if he's single

mishima: he said no he's dating the phantom thieves leader

akira: aw

akira: well ask him if he feels like cheating

mishima: he said no not really

futaba: if you start singing im gonna ban you both

mishima: he just changed his mind he's totally down

akira: oh good! tell him to take me out back and let me do the rest

mishima: he says he's busy can he reschedule for tomorrow

akira: sorry tomorrow i'm gonna launch myself into the void and see if it kills me but if it doesn't, tell him i'll contact him

futaba: okay ive had enough stop roleplaying

mishima: he says okay and also he winked

futaba: dont think i wont ban you

mishima: okay okay im done

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: mishima you beautiful beautiful motherfucker

mishima: ??

akira: it WORKED

akira: we just needed to jump out into the void

mishima: nice

akira: yell heah

mishima: yell heah

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell heah


	8. sit still look pretty?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did you know? i don't care for kaneshiro as a villain. every other villain had months' and years' worth of threat to pile up. kaneshiro never felt threatening. like bitch? fuck off. everyone else was terrifying. what is your sorry fly ass doing in this lineup?

haru: Sit still, look pretty.

ann: sit still look pretty?

haru: Sit still. Look pretty...

ann: sat still looked pretty

haru: Sitting still, looking pretty.

ann: do you want to talk about it?

haru: No.

haru: Does it ever get better?

ann: it instantly becomes a thousand times better the moment you realize with absolute certainty that he'll never lay a finger on you again

haru: Sit still, look pretty...

ann: throw a punch. be ugly.

haru: I can't.

ann: rebel and scream

haru: Rebel and... scream?

ann: murder and holler

haru: Refuse and deny?

ann: refuse and deny!

haru: Refuse and deny!

ann: NOW GO CHOP HIS DICK OFF

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ann: not at the expense of safety, okay?

haru: I suppose...

haru: I have little leeway, but I can make my life a little easier.

ann: make sure you're not putting yourself or others in danger

ryuji: is this because

ann: yes

ryuji: does

ann: i think so

ryuji: did you

ann: no that's why im not sure

haru: It's like you're talking in code!

ann: we are

ryuji: the subject is sensitive okay?

shiho: hi

ann: shiho my love my dear light of my life

shiho: it's not your fault

ann: i don't know what you mean

ryuji: cut the bullshit ann let her speak

shiho: thanks

shiho: you know what i mean, ann. and im telling you its not your fault.

ann: h

ann: how did you find out?

shiho: are you kidding? he told me while he was 

shiho: >< >< ><

ann: and you,,, don't hate me for it?

shiho: i could never hate you

shiho: not even a little bit

shiho: the real question is, how did YOU find out?

ryuji: scum-who-shall-not-be-named's shadow told us like it didn't even fucking matter. piece of shit didn't even remember your name

mishima: wait what wtf happened

ann: you don't ask that!!

shiho: scum who shall not be named came to me after ann refused to meet with him for the same thing, and i want to make sure she realizes that it's entirely his fault and not hers

mishima: okay what the fuck

mishima: what the FUCK are you telling me it didn't even matter if you were on any teams or not?? are you KIDDING me right now???

mishima: also, scum who shall not be named? really?

ryuji: fucker doesn't deserve to have his name acknowledged, hence, scum-who-shall-not-be-named

ryuji: sometimes shortened to just scum

ryuji: then there's scum-who-shall-not-be-named-part-II

ryuji: kaneshiro gets a name just bc no one was traumatized by him and also he was relevant for such little time that he's not important enough to get a specialized insult

mishima: the other two aren't specialized either they're the same one

ryuji: hush admin

ryuji: okumura i guess gets a name bc he's not out of the picture yet, and anyway it's haru's last name so it's not like we can avoid saying it in general

ryuji: futaba's a good gal and also one of us so we couldn't avoid saying her name if we tried to

ryuji: and anyway that palace was the only one that wasn't a hostile takeover so shrug emoji

mishima: are you telling me all your targets have been men in power

ann: aren't those always the best targets

mishima: with the one exception being a girl just asking for help

ryuji: that's what i'm saying yeah

ann: i mean how many women do you know who would abuse power like that

ann: hell how many women could ever even GET that kind of power

ann: the only thing i can think of is scum-part-2 could've MAYBE been pulled off by a woman? surely if she played up the motherly nature or whatever she could avert suspicion

akira: speaking of which i just remembered i have to call someone

ann: jesus christ akira how long have you been ghosting

ryuji: nope he's gone

ann: UGH

yusuke: It's odd, now that I think about it.

ryuji: what is

yusuke: All the parents of the Phantom Thieves have in some way or another become unreliable.

yusuke: It seems to me like Boss and Ryuji's mother are the only parents we have around.

yusuke: And I don't think I even know Ryuji's mother's name.

ann: truth be told they exceed vast amounts of raw parental energy that's not to be messed with

mishima: god i wish my parents exceeded any parental energy at all

mishima: i was so surprised when they got a second kid like really? really? you're still gonna go for it? why, did you do such a good job with the first one that you want a repeat??

mishima: fuck i haven't talked to them in days

akira: im back

akira: shit man that sounds tough but also like

akira: yeah i don't think any of us can offer any kind words

ann: yeah i mean, i haven't talked to my parents in two weeks

akira: i haven't talked to mine in months

yusuke: Mine are dead.

makoto: Mine also.

mishima: ARE THE PHANTOM THIEVES OKA

ryuji: i like how you stopped yourself from completing that sentence

akira: anyway i'm going to kanda does anyone wanna tag along

ann: kanda? why?

akira: there's a church i like

ann: huh????

mishima: yeah buddy you okay?

yusuke: Oh, I know exactly the church you mean. I would come along with you if I had the train fare.

akira: i'll pay it for you

akira: and also dinner for three, if you're down?

yusuke: Sure. I'm in Shibuya, call me when you get here.

ann: did he say dinner for three

mishima: maybe they're meeting someone

ann: at the church?? who hangs out in a church??

ann: especially at this hour?????

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


yusuke: This is why.

akira: ITS NOT MY FAULT

yusuke: Are you sure about that?

akira: LOOK when you refuse to let any of us sleep over at your dorm i ASSUMED it was bc the walls were thin or something okay??

akira: i mean WHO the FUCK goes around during curfew to kick out unexpected visitors

yusuke: You could've simply asked.

akira: WHO, you or HER

akira: CAUSE YOU MIGHT'VE NOTICED I WAS A LITTLE BUSY

yusuke: Busy getting your hands up her skirt, yes, I noticed.

akira: excuse you? i'm a gentleman. My hands stayed firmly above clothes while you were nearby.

yusuke: You're going to try to lie? Really? Right now? While you're locked here?

akira: Speaking of which, tell your gatekeeper to let me out.

yusuke: You can't get a student to vouch for you. That's suspicious.

akira: But I'm not a damn student here! Why are the gates locked?

yusuke: Well, if you can't prove you're not a Kosei student, the obvious course of action would be jumping over the fence.

akira: The 3m tall rose bush fence? That fence? The one that's almost twice my height, can't hold my weight, and is entirely made up of thorns?

yusuke: It could hold your weight.

yusuke: Maybe.

akira: For some reason that's not very reassuring!

yusuke: Oh well, let me know if your endeavors in escaping don't succeed.

yusuke: If you're willing to hide in my room, we're going to have to time it well.

akira: No now I'm leaving on PRINCIPLE

yusuke: Have it your way.

yusuke: Goodnight, dear.

akira: yeah yeah gn

 


	9. N I C E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quick one, im on vacation so you'll have to excuse

 

ryuji: so you're telling me akira tried to sneak into the kosei dorms with some girl and got locked OUT of the dorms but IN kosei last night?

akira: i climbed over the fence

akira: half my jacket is still there but hopefully they won't be able to trace it to me

akira: rip my jacket 20XX-20XX

ryuji: did you at least get some action out of that whole nonsense?

akira: oh yeah totally

yusuke: He did not.

akira: and how would you know, asshole?

yusuke: You were kicked out of her dorm just a few minutes after going in, then left.

akira: well maybe i went back bc i'd rather hide in her room than yours

yusuke: Togo has the subtlety of a trainwreck. I doubt she could help you time your hiding.

ryuji: whomst

akira: dont worry about that

akira: worry about the fact that i spent enough time staking out the patrols that i figured out the timing myself, went in for a quickie, then went back out to battle the fence

akira: i won

yusuke: A quickie. Really. You're going to lie again. Even now, after you've already failed to lie on this topic.

akira: maybe im such a good fuck that she couldn't help herself but be quick

ryuji: im gonna need you to back up

akira: at least buy me dinner first

ryuji: damn it akira no im not flirting

ryuji: you spent most of the night at kosei and you didn't even sleep with yusuke?

akira: oh no i got some action from yusuke too, dont worry

yusuke: That is true.

akira: less from him than the girl, tho

ryuji: do i wanna know

akira: neither of us got off

ryuji: neither being you and yusuke or you and the girl

yusuke: Me.

akira: im not gonna fucking tell you what i did with someone who you don't know and isn't here to defend themselves wtf ryuji

ryuji: come ooooon man give me something to work with here

yusuke: For crying out loud!

yusuke: 

ryuji: nice thanks

ryuji: lol always low enough for the uniform to hide huh

akira: always

yusuke: Now stop messaging so early! Some of us are trying to sleep.

akira: most of us are on our way to school dude

yusuke: I live at my school. I haven't even woken up.

ryuji: um?? are you gonna eat breakfast???

yusuke: Unless someone wishes to share theirs, no.

ryuji: dude seriously???? you have to eat!!

akira: o? no for real this time?

ryuji: i know exactly what the forrealbot's count is and im biding my time

ryuji: yusuke eat something before i come over to kosei and kick your ass

yusuke: No promises.

ryuji: EAT

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


yusuke: 

ryuji: GOOD

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


futaba: good evening who wants to have a little wager

mishima: nu huh i am NOT betting ANY money against you for any reason ever again

futaba: spoilsport

makoto: Betting isn't exactly legal for students.

futaba: im not a student

makoto: You're underage just like the rest of us.

futaba: fine then

futaba: hold on

futaba: im thinking

futaba: okay who wants to play a game of bingo

akira: oh nice what's the topic

futaba: you probably wont get to play

futaba: you can be a judge if you want tho

akira: aw what? why?

futaba: id say the topic is akiras kinks

akira: kink bingo with me as a subject

akira: it's like we were destined to meet

ann: sounds fun!

haru: I'll take part as well! I can think of a few kinks to put on a bingo card.

mishima: what worries me is that no one's questioned the possibility that akira might have enough kinks that we can fill out multiple cards

ryuji: he does

ann: he does

makoto: He does.

yusuke: He does.

haru: He does.

futaba: he does

shiho: how on earth do you all know????

futaba: theyve all slept with him multiple times

futaba: and i have access to all his devices so

shiho: but you haven't slept with him??

shiho: i mean!! forget i asked.......

futaba: no i havent

futaba: its just you and me in this club

shiho: oh,,,

shiho: i mean, i'd like to play, but i think i might be at disadvantage here...

mishima: it's okay shiho im at a bit of a disadvantage too

mishima: i can only think of one thing. two, maybe

akira: you're all aware of at least one and i know this bc i've mentioned it more than once in this very chat

akira: i'd recommend putting that one in the free space slot

ann: wait which one are we talking about

akira: if you don't know, that's your problem

futaba: OKAY everyone write your cards today

futaba: then lets play tomorrow

futaba: akira you cant avoid us okay

akira: sure

akira: in fact im so certain of my victory that i'll mention a kink in this here chat every two hours on the hour

akira: starting uhhhh 7.00 when i wake up and ending 23.00 bc then it's midnight and we said the game only lasts for the day

futaba: buddy youre not a player you cant win

akira: i'll win if none of you get a bingo

futaba: i have suddenly made it my lifes mission to get a full card of bingos by the end of tomorrow

akira: i doubt that

futaba: okay everyone write your cards and take a pic of them today to prove that you didnt tamper with them over the course of tomorrow

futaba: ill know when the pics were taken dont worry

yusuke: I'm done with mine.

ryuji: WHAT ALREADY

yusuke: Yes. I just wrote down whatever popped to mind.

ryuji: fuck

ann: i've figured out what i want for my free space but im still working on it.....

makoto: I'm almost done. I'm missing my bottom row second and fourth panels.

ryuji: what you have a strategy for this???

makoto: Of course.

haru: It's going to take a while for me to decide on mine! I can't pick which all of Akira's kinks I should put here... I only have twenty-five slots, after all!

ryuji: for real???

FORREALBOT: --69--

ryuji: NICE

ann: nice

makoto: Nice.

mishima: nice!

yusuke: Nice.

haru: Nice!

shiho: nice

futaba: nice

akira: N I C E


	10. good morning im into bondage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there were too many chapter-title-worthy lines in this one

akira: ok everyone i just woke up. last chance to finish your bingo cards

futaba: were all done with them and waiting on you kinky boi

akira: great!

akira: good morning im into bondage

ann: HA that was my free space

yusuke: Huh. I didn't even write this one, though I should've expected it...

akira: dont worry im gonna start you guys off with some easy ones

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: choking

mishima: really akira??? REALLY

akira: yes now pay attention to class or makoto and kawakami will both have our heads

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: hit me with that public sex and also hit me in general

haru: Aren't those two?

akira: yes and it's not even lunchtime yet

ann: you're a wild ride akira

akira: i can be your ride tonight if you know what im saying

ann: do pickup lines count as a kink

akira: no they're usually pet peeves. onward

haru: onward?

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: okay everyone i've given you four easy ones so let's move on to the hard ones shall we

ryuji: was that a pun

akira: yes you're a hard one babe

ryuji: not right now im not but ask me later tonight and i might be

akira: this thing right here is my kink: synergy and communication

shiho: free space

ann: you're kidding

shiho: sakura can vouch for me

futaba: yeah her free space was communication

akira: shiho, a girl after my own heart

shiho: steal your heart, phantom thief!

akira: <3333

shiho: <3

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: clothes

ryuji: now hold on

akira: what

ryuji: i need a clarification

ryuji: do you mean that certain outfits are a turn on or that clothed sex is where it's at

akira: clothed sex

akira: no outfit could ever be a turn on. the sexiest thing you can wear is nothing.

ann: amen leader

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: service top / power bottom

makoto: What the fuck do these words mean.

futaba: its when your sub tops or when your dom bottoms

makoto: Oh so like, everything with Akira. Got it.

makoto: I had this as a corner, but I wasn't sure what to call it.

ryuji: it matters where you put them???

makoto: Yes. Corner panels can contribute to three bingos.

ryuji: damn

ryuji: i just put all my best guesses at the top line and hoped for the best

futaba: i saw your picture and i assure you your card is terrible

ryuji: thanks futaba

akira: im on my way home rn futaba do you need me to grab anything while im out? cause im gonna slam into my bed and stay there for the rest of the day

futaba: nah im good sojiro got groceries yesterday

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


futaba: whats the matter joker its seven already shouldnt you be sharing a kink

akira: im trying to think of something obscure to say so no one gets a bingo

haru: Oh come on, Akira! Please throw us a bone here!

haru: I only have one hit!

akira: there's no way you didn't write both choking and bondage

haru: I forgot...

akira: im not sure i believe you

akira: and futaba hasn't jumped in to defend you so i have to take your word

akira: sus

haru: It's not like there's a prize or anything... Just tell us a kink so we can move on!

akira: hhhhhh fine

akira: okay okay let's see uhh

akira: bite me

mishima: free space

ryuji: free space

yusuke: Free space.

futaba: corner

ann: corner

makoto: corner

haru: Bingo!

akira: HARU YOU FILTHY LIAR

haru: Freedom must stem from betrayal for me!

akira: DONT YOU DARE USE YOUR OWN PERSONA'S WORDS AGAINST ME

haru: I will! <3

akira: HARU

akira: <3

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: what's the point if we got a bingo already

ann: keep it rolling babe dont leave us hangin

akira: fucking,,,,

akira: good boy i guess

futaba: free space

makoto: Free space.

shiho: corner

ann: corner

akira: wow i cant believe only two people put that in their free space when i specifically told yall to do so

ryuji: wait that was what you were referring to?? i couldn't figure it out so i just went with your most obvious kink

akira: biting?

ryuji: you bit my tit right over a bitemark you'd already left there one time okay you're not subtle

akira: okay you do have a point

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: 9pm kiddos second-to-last-one

futaba: ah but youre forgetting the forbidden hour between eleven and midnight

futaba: anything you say then is fair game

akira: bold of you to assume i'll answer any question when i know what you're trying to do

futaba: give us a kink akira

akira: well aren't you invested

akira: ah wait fuck are we supposed to be siblings??

futaba: shit i forgot

futaba: uhhhh lets put that down as a maybe

akira: idk is it weird for siblings to talk about kinks? it must be weird right?

futaba: dont ask me i wouldnt know

yusuke: It is extremely uncomfortable, yes.

makoto: The furthest any kind of sex-related conversation goes is usually a teasing "don't forget to use protection" thrown in the sibling's general direction.

yusuke: If there is a significant age gap, and depending on the parents/guardians you share with your sibling, you might get The Talk from your sibling or vice versa.

akira: okay so we suck at being siblings

futaba: we sure do

akira: yusuke are you telling me you asked another of scum2's pupils where babies come from

yusuke: Something along those lines.

futaba: did you get a legit answer

yusuke: Not from the one I asked, but someone else was willing to bear the discomfort. Thankfully he explained it plainly and comprehensively, and because I wasn't very interested, I didn't have any follow-up questions so it was a short conversation in general.

akira: that sounds nice

akira: my talk with my parents came hand in hand with me coming out so it lasted about two weeks

futaba: big oof

makoto: Yeah that sounds rather tiring.

akira: meh

akira: at least they knew i was a boy early enough that i never had to change school uniforms

akira: that would've been hell

akira: especially in my hometown GOD

makoto: You came out before elementary?

akira: my elementary didn't have uniforms but yeah

akira: early in kindergarten actually

akira: and i was such a wallflower even back then that none of the parents remembered me

akira: and i mean, the kids never questioned it. why would they? kids are nice people

akira: anyway the kink of 9pm is sensory deprivation so both blindfolds and headphones get to go

ann: bingo

akira: yeah that's fair

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: fuck it

akira: dirty talk

yusuke: Bingo.

ryuji: bingo also

yusuke: But now that you're here, Akira, something you said earlier bothers me.

akira: what's up

yusuke: You said you came out to your parents as a boy when you were little, yes?

akira: yeah back then and for most of my life until recently that's what i was

yusuke: That's what bothers me. Are your parents aware of this recent development?

ryuji: oh shit right do they know you're genderfluid or what

akira: no, i haven't told them yet.

akira: and since im still a boy for the most part, im not sure if its worth the trouble to tell them

akira: i mean my pronouns are usually still he/him even when i'm not a boy so why bother

yusuke: Hm.

yusuke: I understand the difficulties of coming out. I'm sorry I asked in such a rude manner.

akira: naw babe you're fine

ryuji: damn man it sounds like your folks were plenty supportive last time you came out. why are you hesitating now??

akira: it's not that they will react negatively to another coming out

akira: i think i built their resistance to that when i spent most of my tween years somersaulting between bi pan and ace and also felt the need to tell them every time it changed

ryuji: huh

ryuji: now that i think about it, you never did tell us any of your labels,,,,, i think the only time we came anywhere near the subject was when i asked you if you swing my way

akira: fun times

ryuji: you're not gonna elaborate?

akira: look it's a hassle to find labels when the word queer does the job just fine

akira: im the wild card. everything goes.

yusuke: I'm not comfortable with that word, but if you find it appropriate to describe yourself with, then I'm happy for you.

akira: thanks yusuke you're a gem <3

akira: so much so that i'm gonna offer another kink

yusuke: But I've completed a bingo already.

akira: yeah but it's the cursed hour between eleven and midnight so everything goes

akira: can i get uhhhh hair pulling

mishima: bingo

makoto: Bingo.

shiho: corner

akira: aw you guys know me so well

makoto: It took us twelve entries to get a single bingo.

akira: honestly im surprised yall got bingos at all

akira: i guess that's what i get for saying so many easy ones.

akira: we're only missing shiho and futaba now?

akira: new winning conditions: i win if i get everyone to bingo

shiho: do you have a handcuff kink

akira: that's a hard maybe unfortunately bc i have been arrested

shiho: oh right sorry

akira: it ok

shiho: alright how about voyeurism

shiho: you said public before so i wrote that down for exhibitionsim

akira: yes to both

shiho: okay okay

shiho: uhhh

ann: sadomasochist

akira: you know it

ann: second bingo

haru: Wait! We're going for more than one?

ann: i mean we might as well

haru: But is there really a point if we just ask him and he answers honestly?

ann: sure

akira: futaba's been ghosting and i can only assume she's scheming so let's keep this going

haru: Alright then! How about begging?

akira: yes

haru: Third bingo!

yusuke: Delay?

akira: yeah sure why not

akira: let's also say leather, specifically, and like is manhandling a kink term bc ho boy

makoto: We had communication as one, so... I don't think we're stuck on specifics right now.

akira: fucking uh uhhhh muscle?? muscle good

shiho: bingo

akira: and curves, curves also good. butts are nice. boobs are nice. hips too, hey mishima

akira: tho i gotta admit my most favorite of curves is that of an arched back am i right or am i right

ann: you have never been more right about anything in your life you funky little kink bitch

akira: oh thanks for reminding me! humiliation is also my kink

futaba: FULL CARD BINGO

akira: beg pardon

futaba: THEN BEG

\-- USER FUTABA SAKURA HAS SENT FILE fullcardbingo.png! --

futaba: check the timestamp and weep

ryuji: holY SHIT

ryuji: FOR REAL????

FORREALBOT: --70--

futaba: WHOOHOO BOIS AND I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO DO ANY OF THE QUESTIONING DURING THE CURSED HOUR

ann: and it's 23.52 too you just barely made it

akira: you couldn't've fucking SAID you got a bingo the FIRST time you got one??

futaba: absolutely not s rank or try again from the beginning

mishima: you're impossible

futaba: just statistically improbable

akira: i should get going

akira: morgana looks like he's going to claw my eyes out if im not in bed within two minutes

mishima: gn babe

ryuji: gn babe!

akira: gn babes

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: hey, shiho?

shiho: why are you awake?

akira: to talk to you, obviously.

shiho: aren't you risking morgana's claws right now?

akira: naw i'm fine. he's sleeping

akira: are you okay?

shiho: ?

akira: i know most of my kinks aren't really,,,,,,,, ptsd friendly

akira: i just want to make sure i didn't freak you out or anything over the course of the day

shiho: i

shiho: that's very thoughtful of you.

shiho: i must admit some things were said today that i'd rather not think about in general.

shiho: since we'd planned on playing this game the night before, i'd made sure i had an easy distraction at hand in case i saw something i didn't want to

shiho: and i did. but i've forgotten by now, really, between only giving the chat weary glances and immediately occupying myself with something else, none of what you said really stuck

shiho: except for the ones that made it to my card, i guess

akira: what else did you have?

shiho: huh?

akira: what other kinks had you written in your card, other than the ones that got you a bingo?

shiho: you'll laugh

akira: and risk waking up morgana? no way

shiho: i had communication for my free space, akira

akira: and i'm sure the others are gonna be just as wholesome

shiho: can kinks be wholesome?

akira: they can when they're like communication

shiho: i uh

shiho: well

akira: you don't have to tell me

shiho: i mean. i had sexy clothes be one, but you specifically said that one was out

akira: yeah

shiho: um, and the handcuffs, you also shut that one down

akira: i said that one was a hard maybe. it heavily depends

shiho: on what?

akira: who i'm with, what's been said, the type of handcuffs, my mood, the weather, the stock market

akira: you know, the usual

shiho: you're wild

akira: the wild card, yes.

shiho: lol

shiho: i uh

shiho: at some point i couldn't think of anything else so i just started writing numbers

akira: in retrospect i should've just said i had a kink for foursomes

akira: bc how funny would that have been

shiho: you would've gotten me a point, if nothing else

akira: what numbers did you write

shiho: 3, 4, 5, 6 cause i wasn't sure if mishima would be invited to a thieves' party

akira: probably not

akira: then again getting all the thieves into the same party might be a bother in itself

shiho: i also wrote uh

shiho: 1

akira: yeah that's fair

akira: i mean, all things considered

shiho: yeah

akira: you've said your preferred method of getting off is sexting

shiho: don't ask me of anything right now

akira: no no i wasn't going to

akira: did you have sexting written down?

shiho: yeah

akira: what about phone sex

shiho: mhm

akira: i really could've gotten you a bingo much earlier than i did

shiho: i'm sure

akira: okay we should both go back to sleep

shiho: yeah

shiho: good night dear

akira: good night dear

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me trying not to end a chapter with another goodnight: aha, i will also put in the section after everyone says goodnight!  
> that section: in the middle of the night, ends with more goodnights  
> me: F UKC


	11. We'll give them hell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm back from italy! still on vacation tho  
> in this chapter the plot finally gets moving some more

ann: speaking of which

ryuji: speaking of what

ann: my beautiful girlfriend shiho and my amazing enbyfriend akira calling each other "dear"

ryuji: enbyfriend

ryuji: you could just say datemate

ann: as much as i enjoy the rhyme you have to admit that enbyfriend sounds infinitely cuter

ann: besides, i put the word right next to "girlfriend" i felt like it should be something ending in "friend" as well

akira: let's not argue schematics they're both fine

ann: yes yes

ann: but speaking of pet names i need everyone to know that if any one of you calls shiho something that makes her freak out i will break all of your fingers

shiho: as endearing as that sounds i have to assure you it's not necessary

shiho: and it makes me a little uneasy if you guys so obviously treat me with kid gloves

ann: i would kill for you shiho

mishima: ann

mishima: please dont

shiho: thanks

shiho: as long as you don't use words that could be insults at me, i should be fine

shiho: also baby and darling are dangerous territory so tread carefully

ryuji: well shit we call each other both of those all the time

shiho: i've noticed

shiho: as long as they're not directed at me, you know?

mishima: can i call you rn?

shiho: hold on i have to leave the room

shiho: okay call me

ryuji: what did i miss

ann: some of us, ryuji, didn't get to punch him in the face

ryuji: that's fair

ann: i just

ann: ugh

ann: it's just that you and i both had moments of power over him, or at least equality, moments when we could fight back

ann: both in the real world and in the castle

ann: neither of them did

ryuji: i

ryuji: that's true isn't it

ryuji: fuck

ryuji: this got real shitty real fast sorry

ann: better to know what not to say that say it and be left with a mess

ryuji: i guess

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


shiho: thank you for being so understanding, everyone.

haru: Of course. We all have been through rough times, and we know first-hand how reminders of such times can be triggering.

yusuke: Don't downplay your struggle, Haru. You're going through your own rough times right this moment.

shiho: i've only heard bits and pieces. are you in trouble?

haru: Not exactly.

haru: You see, my father has arranged a marriage for me, but I can't accept the chosen man as my husband.

haru: To even call him my fianc é, as he is now, pains me.

haru: No...

haru: It disgusts me.

haru: I could never stand by that man's side.

haru: And surely that would be the way it plays out: I would be required to stand by his side, when I rightfully should be the one to gain his support.

haru: I don't want to marry a man who sees me as little more than arm candy. I want to marry someone who supports me.

haru: I had originally planned to rid myself of him as soon as I inherited the company, but that seems impossible right now.

haru: I think...

haru: I think my father might all but sell me to that man's family.

haru: Changing my father's heart is my only option.

yusuke: Please wait for a moment.

yusuke: Did you say your father would sell you?

haru: I'm expected to move in with his family...

yusuke: You're underage. Surely they won't expect you to move in with someone you're not married to?

haru: He was very angry after today...

haru: He contacted my father.

haru: I have until the end of the month.

yusuke: No.

yusuke: WE have until the end of the month.

yusuke: You're our family, and if your time runs out, we're going down with you.

yusuke: We'll give them hell.

shiho: me too! okumura, i'll be on your side if you need me!

mishima: yeah no offense okumura but if you think that we won't fight for you just because we're not phantom thieves, you're mistaken

haru: I...

haru: You really mean it, everyone?

yusuke: You would doubt us, even now?

haru: I don't know what to say...

haru: Thank you.

haru: Thank you, this means more to me than I could hope to describe.

yusuke: That's not to say we will run out of time.

yusuke: We'll change his heart.

yusuke: And after that, that wretched man will never even get to look at you.

haru: Please don't blind anyone for my sake.

yusuke: Don't ask me for things you know I can't promise.

haru: Thank you, Yusuke. I owe you all a great deal.

mishima: not yet you dont

mishima: we'll see how it goes

yusuke: Yes. Wait until after his change of heart to owe us anything.

shiho: i feel like i can't do much

shiho: i'm not a thief and i don't provide anything useful like yuuki......

haru: You offer moral support! Your words hold more power than you think, Shiho, and I appreciate them!

yusuke: Mishima's first name is Yuuki?

mishima: not another word

yusuke: I didn't know, that's all.

mishima: not. another. word.

yusuke: Not another word, then.

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: where the fuck is futaba

mishima: she's not with you?

akira: she said she would be here so i didn't take her with me

mishima: where are you guys

akira: in position

akira: and we're missing a support

mishima: sakura is a support?

shiho: sakura is a support?

akira: yes and yes

akira: in fact she's our only non-combatant

akira: huh

mishima: again, are you sure we're talking about sakura here?

akira: her persona doesn't attack and she doesn't carry a single weapon

mishima: sakura? you sure?

akira: yes mishima im sure

akira: i think i would've noticed if she whipped out a gun

futaba: hehe gun

akira: and where the fuck are you?

futaba: i panicked on the train ride over so i had to stop and shut myself in the nearest bathroom

futaba: im omw

shiho: you guys carry guns in the other world?

akira: yeah

akira: guns and some melee weapon

futaba: i carry no guns

futaba: nor does morgana

akira: yeah morgana's ranged weapon of choice is a slingshot

futaba: he does carry a sword though

akira: hurry your ass up we can only look inconspicuous for so long

futaba: seven minutes out

akira: okay that's too long

akira: we're gonna split up tell me when you're leaving the station

futaba: aye

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


shiho: did you guys meet up?

mishima: i think they're in the other world

shiho: oh

mishima: let's hope it goes okay

shiho: do you think they're in okumura's father's palace?

mishima: yeah

mishima: they must've gotten impatient after the chat this morning

mishima: i hope they pull through soon

shiho: im worried about the outer space thing

shiho: how literal do you think that is?

mishima: pretty literal, i'm sure

mishima: but since not all laws of physics apply there, then maybe they're okay

shiho: the more i think about it, the more of a headache it becomes

mishima: same here

mishima: must be a see to believe kind of thing

shiho: yeah, it sounds like it makes more sense to experience than to explain it

mishima: wanna stream a movie together?

shiho: sure

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


shiho: i'm worried

mishima: ??

shiho: it's late! shouldn't they be back by now?

mishima: now that you mention it, none of them have logged on.....

mishima: you don't think they'd be dumb enough to try and speedrun through the whole thing?

shiho: i don't know.

shiho: i keep thinking that i might've said something wrong, this morning, that pushed them all to go in and try to get it over with quickly

shiho: but would they really be that hasty?

mishima: i want to say they know what they're doing, but...

mishima: i don't want to see them hurt

mishima: oh god shiho i don't want to see them hurt

mishima: what do i do if one of them doesn't come to school tomorrow?

shiho: yuuki breathe

shiho: you're worrying me

shiho: i

shiho: let's just try to get some sleep, okay?

mishima: okay,,,,,,,,

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


makoto: We're alive.

haru: We won.

 


	12. don't fuck on the train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shujin kids shujin kids shujin kids

mishima: WHAT THE HELL NIIJIMA YOU DONT JUST SAY THAT AND THEN LEAVE

makoto: Since you only responded now, I can't but assume you managed to sleep.

makoto: Good morning, by the way. Don't be late to class.

mishima: OF COURSE I WONT BE LATE TO CLASS

mishima: BUT ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON

haru: We defeated my father's shadow! The change of heart should happen over the next few days, I've been told.

haru: I haven't had a chance to speak with him, yet. I'll try after school.

mishima: holy shit

mishima: you guys okay? you were gone for a hell of a lot of time yesterday

haru: We were too close to the finish line to leave at a time we usually do!

haru: But then, at the final battle, he kept adding more and more enemies for us to battle against... The fight just dragged on for too long.

makoto: I assure you we are all alright, if a little tired.

akira: morgana for once didn't even bitch at me to go to bed despite the hour

makoto: You're phrasing it like you didn't pass out as soon as you made it home.

akira: are you kidding

akira: futaba didnt even make it to the sakura house she just laid face down in the couch in my room and dozed away

akira: she was so pissed when my alarm woke her up

makoto: Did she at least make it back today?

akira: yeah though i had to wrap her in one of my hoodies so she'd make it through the cafe and out the street

akira: sojiro just about had a heart attack

haru: Oh no! Had he not realized she didn't return? That must've been scary for him!

akira: thankfully she wasn't so sleepy that she couldn't explain herself

makoto: What explanation did she give? I'd hate for her story to clash with anyone else's.

akira: we played video games until late into the night and she just didn't bother to go to her own room, since leblanc is just as much home as the sakura residence is

makoto: A heartwarming statement and a believable story.

ryuji: what year is it

akira: 1797

makoto: 0

mishima: 5th century bc

haru: 33ad

ryuji: you're all on my hitlist

akira: don't lie ryuji you're too good of a person to have a hitlist

ryuji: you're first i've just decided

akira: aw sweetheart you wouldn't dare

ryuji: try me

ann: i literally only now managed to disentangle myself from my mane what's going on

akira: i'm trying to flirt my way out of ryuji's bad mood

ryuji: i mean

akira: great idea babe

haru: Great idea?

akira: there's a few easy things i can do to quickly pick up ryuji's mood

ryuji: hey uh

akira: even better

ryuji: hell yeah

haru: ?

haru: You mean you guys just communicated something?

ryuji: i'm gonna be eating something other than lunch today

akira: it's me

akira: he's talking about me

haru: How nice!

mishima: i better not catch you guys fucking in the bathroom again

ryuji: you could always just avoid the bathroom

mishima: or you could always not fuck in the bathroom

mishima: you're supposed to be thieves, aren't you?? be more subtle!!

makoto: Ryuji deserves this, but Akira definitely doesn't.

akira: yes queen defend my honor

makoto: Though, admittedly, people would be less suspicious of me than of Ryuji, if they saw one of us dragging you behind closed doors.

makoto: There's that rumor going around that you're my boyfriend, too...

akira: who would spread such an untrue and totally lying rumor

makoto: Ha ha, Akira.

mishima: i just noticed that there's only shujin students in the chat rn

ann: and we have all the shujin students, too

ann: huh

haru: I'm on the roof, if any of you want to meet up before class!

ann: i'm not even out the house yet

ryuji: i'm on the train

akira: on the train also.

mishima: don't fuck on the train

akira: you never let me have any fun

makoto: Don't fuck on the train, especially not while wearing your uniforms during rush hour.

akira: fine

ryuji: you got it queen

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


akira: we may have fucked on the train a little

makoto: Leave Morgana someplace where he won't be hurt, and after that I'm only giving you a ten-second head start.

ann: akira just shoved his bag in my lap and jumped out the window what the hap is fuckening

ann: ah

ryuji: dude

makoto: That goes for you too, Ryuji. Start running.

ryuji: you wouldnt hunt down an injured ex-athlete, would you??

makoto: You could always stay put and see what happens.

ryuji: nevermind i guess im running now

ann: yall deserve this

akira: i may have phrased that poorly. Makoto, I swear we didn't actually fuck on the train.

makoto: I know you're in the boys' bathroom.

akira: The train was packed tight, okay? Nobody would notice if two teenagers were standing a little too close.

makoto: Don't think I won't come in there.

akira: Didn't even grind all that much, okay?

makoto: I see the door.

makoto: GET BACK HERE

ryuji: RUN BABE DONT LOOK BACK

akira: Makoto I promise you with all my finesse as a Phantom Thief, no one on that train saw us getting cozy together. I promise.

ryuji: yes i can also confirm like dude. dude. it's rush hour. everyone's in each other's space

ryuji: just like. happened to slot our hips together just so, you know?

akira: nothing suspicious about that

ryuji: just friends things

akira: just guys being dudes

ryuji: just dudes being bros

akira: just bros being gay

ryuji: show me your dick leader

futaba: if a single one of you dares to send a nude on this here chat makoto wont be your only problem

futaba: i love vine references as much as the next gamer but spare me your nasty dick pics

ann: tit pics ONLY in this chat

futaba: youre on thin ice

makoto: Indeed. I'm letting this go, but there better not be another incident like this.

ryuji: thank you queen

akira: thank you queen

mishima: i'm scared to say she has you trained like puppies

makoto: I'm YOUR Student Council President too.

mishima: i'd never call you that, i'm not a thief

makoto: Oh?

mishima: suddenly i'm gay and not interested bye

akira: soft gasp he has unlocked the immunity

ryuji: run mishima it's too late for us

ryuji: go be gay and free with yusuke

mishima: i think the joke is that i'm not actually gay, but niijima is

makoto: I was going to make a joke along those lines, yes.

mishima: so yusuke doesn't get the royal treatment?

ryuji: he's a little clueless

yusuke: I'm right here.

ryuji: oh hey boy

ryuji: would you call makoto queen just to get in her good graces

yusuke: I believe that might have happened, in the past.

yusuke: However, you and Akira overuse that name, to the point where I'm afraid it's starting to lose effectiveness.

akira: wlw mlm solidarity

yusuke: I...

yusuke: Makoto and I?

akira: yeh

yusuke: Hardly.

makoto: Likewise. No offense to you, Yusuke.

yusuke: None taken.

yusuke: I would simply prefer to offer this solidarity to Haru, if she would have it.

haru: With pleasure!

akira: you can do solidarity with more than one wlw

akira: you can do solidarity with all the wlws we have

yusuke: Like you?

akira: im PEAK solidarity material

yusuke: Don't you have an unfair advantage, anyway? Since you're the "wild card"...

akira: yeah that's the point

haru: Oh! We should have a dance party!

haru: I bet Akira is a lovely dance partner.

akira: im PEAK dance partner material

mishima: oh man i wish i could record that

futaba: >:3c

mishima: Put That Back

futaba: cat paw face but bass boosted

akira: mishima bold of you to assume you won't be invited

mishima: i refuse to intrude on a thieves dance party

ann: you're our site admin! you deserve to be invited

mishima: invite me when shiho is around to join in

shiho: ah,,,,,

shiho: i might,,,, be a little too weak in the legs to handle a dance party.

mishima: i'll lift you myself if i have to

shiho: (//////)

mishima: ^3^

ann: good and pure damn

ann: mishima i wanna kiss your face

mishima: but class

ann: why do you have to sit near the front, damn it,,,,,,,,,

mishima: oh like you could kiss akira's face if you wanted back there

ann: well maybe no

akira: she can give me a nice eyeful of her legs if she wants to

ann: he can feel me up with his long arms from back there

yusuke: Can someone please tell me what the seating arrangements are, here?

futaba: yeah pls tell me akira doesnt just reach across a row to grab anns butt

akira: i'm sitting right behind her

futaba: oh thank god

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


futaba: jokers long noodly arms reaching over to grab panthers tit

ryuji: i damn near laughed out loud futaba FUCK

futaba: good

ryuji: don't send funny shit when we have class

futaba: you guys have class all the time

ryuji: stop sending shit

futaba: >:p

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


makoto: Futaba, please refrain from sending us texts or media during class time, especially with the purpose of inducing a reaction. Not only is it disrespectful to us and our education, you're also putting the Phantom Thieves at risk.

futaba: ;(

makoto: I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.

makoto: A winking frown? What emotion would this even represent?

akira: frustration, clearly

akira: swag of a wink with the sadness of a frown

futaba: aw thanks leader youre the best

akira: you're tolerable sometimes

futaba: wow i try to say a good word and you betray me like this

futaba: fuck you too then

ann: dibs

ryuji: dibs

ryuji: FUCK

futaba: on what

ann: fucking akira too then

akira: not today

ann: aw

ryuji: hey ann

ann: absolutely yeah

akira: ah the wonders of polyam relationships

ryuji: btw is something up today buddy

akira: i have plans to get knocked out by an experimental drug and then hold up a sign for a politician for like half an hour and see if that combination of things kills me

makoto: I have a few questions.

akira: i have time

makoto: First of all, how do you plan for something like that?

akira: i have some friends in tokyo. can't believe you guys doubt me even though you've been living here your whole lives

ann: no i think that's it

ann: we've been living here all this time and you still somehow manage to get these crazy connections

akira: must be bc i don't care about my reputation next question

makoto: You're planning on making use of an illegal drug?

akira: i said experimental. it's perfectly legal, just in development

akira: the good doc needs a young healthy subject to test stuff on

makoto: Do you trust this doctor with something like that?

akira: are you kidding? i'd trust her to do my bottom surgery

makoto: She's a surgeon?

akira: unfortunately no

akira: next question

makoto: Do you know what drug you're going to be under the influence of?

akira: no but i'm going bc my cramps are killing me and i wanna know if that can maybe stop

makoto: Cramps? Are you injured?

akira: nah im just supposed to be on my first day. hasn't actually started yet, but im dying nonetheless

ann: dear lord dear god please tell me if your doc has something that works

makoto: Please, yes.

akira: kay

makoto: What politician are you getting yourself involved with?

akira: oh he doesn't have a party

akira: in fact he's preaching alone outside a train station

makoto: Hm.

akira: he makes some good points and he has that politician talk that he's been teaching me

ann: you're learning politician talk why?

akira: it helps with shadow negotiations

ann: that sounds far fetched

akira: it makes me charming

ann: are you sure about that

futaba: existent

akira: excuse you i'm at LEAST suave

mishima: you're debonair in my heart akira

akira: yeah look i've scored all these dates meanwhile who are YOU dating futaba HUH

futaba: UR MOM

akira: which one

futaba: h

mishima: ??

ann: what

ryuji: hey what the fuck

makoto: How do you mean?

akira: i have to go right now immediately

futaba: come back here you milquetoast sack of shit

akira: no

futaba: THAT WASNT A QUESTION

ann: me and mishima'll team up on you once lunchtime is over akira don't think we won't

mishima: you have to come to class at some point

akira: joke's on you kawakami'll cover for me

mishima: doubt

akira: well she can try bye

ryuji: AKIRA KURUSU DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

ryuji: NO HUGS OR KISSES FOR A FUCKING MONTH

ryuji: I'LL BE CALLING YOU KURUSU

ann: i'll also be calling you kurusu

futaba: oh bitch ill call you kurusu too

mishima: don't make me do it

makoto: I'll do it without hesitation, Kurusu.

akira: why do you all hate me like this

ryuji: dude we don't hate you we just want to know about your family situation

akira: hhhhh

akira: i don't

akira: don't wanna talk about it

akira: but fine shit

ryuji: thanks man

ann: so you have two moms?

akira: yeah

ann: i was always under the impression you had a mom and a dad

akira: that's bc i always refer to them as my parents

akira: and so does everyone else

ryuji: why

akira: you know why

ryuji: seeing as you're dating several people across different genders no i don't

akira: that's just cause

akira: hhh

akira: tokyo is so fucking wild, okay? and i don't have to give a shit about anything. except maybe the law

akira: you think this shit would've flown back home? no way

akira: hell the only reason i have the guts to do it here and now is bc i'm in a huge city with no reputation and no fucks given about anything

akira: well that and the big bang challenge. that sure gave me some guts

akira: my moms worked their asses off left and right to make sure i wasn't bullied for being the lesbians' kid, you know? and then i had to go and be trans. it's like they have to work triple time to be equal, once because they're gay, twice because they're married with a kid, thrice because i'm trans. at this point it doesn't even matter who i fancy it's already a goddamn struggle

akira: and then i get fucking arrested? of course they sent me away.

akira: what were they going to do, leave me to be isolated if not attacked in my hometown?

akira: now at least our neighbours can pretend like the lesbian couple down the street doesn't have a child at all

ann: akira that's terrible

akira: that's why i don't like talking about it

ryuji: is

ryuji: is that why you never bothered to find a label beyond queer?

akira: i dont know

akira: it might be part of it

ryuji: shit dude

ryuji: this might've been worth mentioning during that heart to heart we had after yusuke joined

akira: you think i'd ever be able to say this out loud? be realistic

ryuji: come on man

akira: look just

akira: let's just go to class.

ann: do you want some hugs

mishima: come to class before the bell rings for hugs

ryuji: suddenly i'm running to your class

futaba: oh yeah thats not suspicious at all

futaba: but like

futaba: thanks for telling us akira

futaba: mustve been tough

akira: im shaking

futaba: big oof

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i keep writing like there will be no chapter breaks, so when i actually have to figure out chapter breaks they're all like this. why. anyway next update soon bc i said so


	13. everyone's having so much fun in my vicinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quick one cause this is what i get for writing without taking chapter breaks into account

 

haru: I'm sorry to hear you had to watch your parents work so hard for so little reward!

haru: Are you still available for hugs?

akira: sorry just got on the train

akira: if it makes you feel any better ann is still hugging me

haru: That does make me feel a little better.

makoto: Are you at the roof?

haru: Yep! Nothing much today, just checking for weeds and parasites.

haru: Maybe I'll air the soil a little bit.

makoto: I might be able to join you. It seems I don't have much to do today.

haru: Then I'll be sure to take my time so you'll be done before I am!

makoto: Thank you.

akira: oh great i have ryuji and ann flirting in front of me irl and makoto and haru flirting in front of me in the chat

akira: mishima you better not be flirting with yusuke

mishima: he's not even online

akira: come to think of it, he hasn't been online at all huh

makoto: Maybe he's tired. I'm still tired from yesterday's infiltration.

akira: oh great and now morgana is preening

akira: everyone's having so much fun in my vicinity and all i want is to crawl under my couch and die

futaba: big mood

akira: and i have to go to the doctor too hhhhhHHHHHhhh

futaba: then dont go simple as that

akira: i'm going

akira: first of all bc my cramps are taking no prisoners today, secondly bc i like takemi and i haven't seen her in a while, thirdly because you just told me not to, and fourthly because i sure as hell won't let you of all people talk me into staying in my room

futaba: all fair points ill admit

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


haru: How will I know if a change of heart has taken place?

futaba: it takes a few days

makoto: The target usually spends a few days isolated, or trying to avoid socialization in general.

futaba: lol yeah i was passed out for all of mine

haru: My father doesn't seem to act this way. He looks a little dazed and he's cancelled a couple of meetings, but everything else is business as usual.

haru: I tried talking to him, but he didn't seem too different... Like I said, maybe a little dazed, if anything.

makoto: I have to admit, most our targets aren't people we'd been able to keep a close eye on.

yusuke: Except for Madarame.

yusuke: After stealing his Treasure, I noticed that he was more reserved. He tended to spend more time alone in his rooms than outside or with me.

yusuke: He barely even attended his own exhibit, those last couple of days.

yusuke: Give it time.

haru: Thank you, this insight puts me at ease.

haru: Are there any telling signs that I should be watching out for?

yusuke: None that I could tell.

yusuke: The more time passed, the more he seemed to change. It really is a gradual thing.

yusuke: Eventually, like all the other targets, he was disgusted with himself and came clean.

futaba: oh big mood i was disgusted with myself to begin with i just wanted my heart stolen so i could feel relaxed in my own skin

shiho: can i get the phantom thieves to steal my heart please

futaba: it didnt work quite like that

shiho: oh

futaba: yeah i had to steal myself

futaba: they basically just opened the path for me 

makoto: Heal a heart instead of steal it.

shiho: do that to mine

makoto: Do you believe you have a strong cognitive distortion?

shiho: i can't even look at certain types of desk without feeling the urge to vomit so yeah, i'd say so

makoto: Interesting.

haru: Where would your Palace be?

shiho: my what

haru: Is there a place where you feel your distortion would be the strongest?

shiho: oh thats easy shujin physed faculty office

makoto: But haven't you removed yourself from that place? From anything near it, in fact? I doubt you could have a Palace there.

haru: What would your distortion even be?

shiho: torture chamber

futaba: i dont like that we have three keywords

haru: I'm scared to open the Meta Nav...

makoto: ...I'll do it.

haru: You will??

makoto: We have to know.

makoto: Oh thank god. It's not a hit.

futaba: i was shaking holy shit

shiho: that's.... a good thing then?

futaba: means you dont have a palace

futaba: good thing too cause having a palace sucks

shiho: i don't know. what im living right now sucks too

makoto: Oh, if only Akira were online. We could ask Morgana if Shiho has a Shadow within Mementos.

shiho: he'd know?

makoto: He would have to be in Mementos to check, but he might be able to tell, yes.

shiho: so,,,, i might have a shadow even if i dont have a palace?

makoto: Mishima had a Shadow.

mishima: back up what

makoto: You had a Shadow. When we confronted the other you, you invited us to take you down.

makoto: Akira... told you that if you were to give us lip for trying to help, then you could change your heart yourself.

makoto: You weren't there the next time we went looking for you.

mishima: i

mishima: i had no idea

makoto: I can't think of any good reason for Akira not to tell you, but I can't think of a good reason for him to tell you, either.

makoto: Maybe he hinted at it without you realizing it.

mishima: he mighta...

mishima: sometimes a lot of what he says flies over my head.

shiho: so you didn't like. feel any big changes in yourself??

mishima: i can't think of a time when that could've happened??? when was this?

futaba: remember that time you tried to post a purging note on the phansite but it kept getting blocked

mishima: ??????????

mishima: why do you know about th

mishima: you didn't

futaba: i did

mishima: seriously?

futaba: i wasnt going to let our precious site be thrown under the bus just cause you were getting distorted

futaba: and i guess

futaba: we couldnt afford to lose our precious admin either

futaba: of course i blocked it

futaba: what did you think was going to happen

mishima: i,,

mishima: geez

mishima: so you changed my heart??

futaba: no

futaba: we very specifically left you to your own devices

mishima: oh

mishima: weird....

mishima: i kept thinking about it for days after. that if the note wasn't going through, maybe it wasn't meant to be.... even if it felt like a necessity at the time.

mishima: so did i,,,, change my own heart??

futaba: welcome to the club

futaba: tho i guess you and i cant really be compared

futaba: i had a whole ass palace after all

makoto: Indeed. If Futaba could simply heal her own heart, she wouldn't have had a Palace.

shiho: im so confused you guys

mishima: yeah im starting to lose it too

makoto: That's alright. You don't need to understand the mechanics of it.

 


	14. after booty texting ryuji? seriously?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i would like to apologize to whoever designed the fool card. i am so sorry.  
> yeah this is another quick one

ann: hey shiho do you want me to call you?

shiho: no i'm alright. thank you though! <3

ann: <3

ann: great ryuji where you at

ryuji: uh, out

ann: ok come to my place

ryuji: now?

ann: yes

ryuji: i'll be a while

ann: i'll wait don't worry

ryuji: do i have any clothes over there or am i gonna have to borrow something to sleep in

ann: i have one of your shirts and it's currently in use

ryuji: good enough

ryuji: i'll be over in like an hour

ann: hh that's so much time

ryuji: do your nails or something.

ann: they're done already

shiho: you could do some homework, love

ann: after booty texting ryuji? seriously?

shiho: if you do some homework, i'll call you tomorrow ;p

ann: tempting

ryuji: if you do your homework i'll sub real nice

ann: done deal

  


* * *

 

  


ann: hhhhhhhhhh i can't do this anymore is that enough?

shiho: it's barely been twenty minutes

ann: im going to PERISH

shiho: dont do that

shiho: you could take a break if you want to

ann: hey great idea

ann: oh i could shave my legs. haven't done that in a while

shiho: shave your legs then come back to your hw

ann: FINE

shiho: i love youuu

ann: ily2 <3

  


* * *

 

  


ann: ryuji where the FUCK are you

ryuji: on the train jesus calm down

ann: oh okay i'm waiting

ryuji: mhm omw

  


* * *

 

  


akira: i'm here what did i miss

mishima: nothing much. ann and ryuji are probably banging as we speak

akira: a regular tuesday then

mishima: it's friday

akira: don't sass me

mishima: you make it so easy

mishima: anyway did the medicine + sign holding combo kill you

akira: nah but i was swaying during the whole speech so i might've looked drunk a little

akira: i'm better now. i couldnt even look at a screen before lol

akira: currently getting my fortune read by a scam artist

mishima: who?

akira: take seven steps to the right

mishima: you piece of SHIT

akira: where'd you run off to

mishima: my usual spot, i'm done meeting women you know in shinjuku

akira: you do have a point

yusuke: You guys are at Shinjuku?

mishima: it's where i usually am

akira: sometimes you worry me

mishima: i'm not the only teenager hanging out at the red-light district

yusuke: Hm. That does sound rather odd.

yusuke: However, you speak as if you're familiar with the place. I'd trust that you know how to handle yourself with the crowd.

akira: hhhhhhhh i guess

mishima: thanks, kitagawa

yusuke: Now, what is this about a scam artist?

akira: oh she sold me an overpriced ball of salt and now i'm bothering her until she gives me my money back

akira: no luck so far

akira: she does tarot

yusuke: Tarot, you say?

yusuke: Would it be improper to ask for a picture of a few cards?

akira: i'll ask

akira: 

yusuke: How wonderful.

yusuke: Such striking imagery...

yusuke: A few more?

akira: she says you're gonna have to come here yourself if you want a better look

yusuke: Cocky.

akira: yeah

akira: i might just steal the whole deck when she's not looking

yusuke: No need. I'm sure I'd be able to find images of the deck online.

akira: she says it's a modified tarot of marseilles deck

yusuke: Tarot of Marseilles, huh?

yusuke: Oh, indeed. Searching for it shows results with much different colors...

yusuke: It's a custom deck, then?

mishima: wait i found something

mishima: modified, right? i found a thing.

mishima: is this it?

mishima: [[ deck modifications ](https://external-preview.redd.it/ddpHjzmOBFdPNahEP1wt4z6xY5SV7qqjZkAeTLsF6U4.png?s=826c917d6190739f9c993e9e82ef9f1274a0d700)]

yusuke: Indeed! This is it!

yusuke: Thank you, Mishima!

mishima: eh, you know. gotta help where i can

yusuke: How beautiful!

yusuke: And indeed, the modifications seem to overflow with symbolism!

yusuke: How wonderful.

akira: ok done with that too

akira: mishima, you wanna hang out?

mishima: you just walked past me

akira: oh

akira: did i?

mishima: look, you've had a long day. the medicine is probably still messing with you. just go home

mishima: you walked past me again

mishima: oh my god stop walking in circles i'll take you to the station

yusuke: Akira, please go home and sleep.

yusuke: Put your phone away and listen to Morgana.

akira: you're all lucky i'm about two minutes from falling asleep standing or i'd have some witty retort

yusuke: Truly, I am shaking at the prospect.

yusuke: Goodnight.

 


	15. she had her tits out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confidant ranks mechanics _and_ p5d reference in the same chapter? it's more likely than you think

 

ryuji: hey akira?

akira: ya

ryuji: you have a lot of personas right?

akira: sure

ryuji: and they must all talk a lot?

akira: they have some shit to say sometimes

ryuji: ok ok here's my question, how do you get them to shut up

makoto: My question would've been, what does your headspace look like?

akira: oh it's a right mess

akira: arsene is just hovering ominously over everything

akira: he always seems bigger than the others, weirdly? like, when they come out he's the same size as some, right? well he's bigger than those same personas in my head

akira: or maybe all the others are smaller idk

akira: the -ki family is all cuddled together

akira: all the greek, roman and egyptian ones are basically playing cards around a table

akira: for some reason the norse ones never speak to me, tho they speak to other personas

akira: anything that's explicitly or even remotely sexual goes around annoying everyone

akira: all the horse ones are thankfully quiet, unfortunately because they're always running around the edge of my mind without much thought

akira: i've never had a picaro at the same time as its original and at this point i'm kinda scared to see what would happen so i'd better not

akira: and i always have this odd sensation that there's more i'm not seeing, which makes sense bc i'm sure there are other shadows we haven't come across that would be more than comfortable screaming inside my head

akira: what was the other question?

ryuji: it was how do you shut them up but now i wanna change it to dude are you okay

akira: with difficulty and no

akira: why what's up

ryuji: captain kidd keeps singing sea shanties

akira: and that's a problem? yesterday i only had about two minutes in the entire day when someone WASN'T screaming "begone thot" while thoth was failing at ignoring them

makoto: Is Captain Kidd's singing really that bad?

ryuji: no he does fine

ryuji: besides it's sea shanties it's less singing and more chanting

ryuji: it's just distracting

makoto: What is he singing?

ryuji: rn i think it's one called twiddle

ryuji: oh queen you're gonna love this one look it up

makoto: Very well.

makoto: ...

makoto: You're right. I like it.

akira: catchy

ryuji: right??? it's so catchy that even when he's not singing it, it gets stuck in my head so as soon as i so much as suggest at thinking it, he starts singing

akira: wanna hang out?

ryuji: what for

akira: i'm thinking maybe the captain is trying to tell you something. but he's a piece of you, so i'd expect that he needs to be told it as well

akira: sounds like you're at the cusp of a revelation

akira: wanna go for some ramen?

ryuji: eff it yeah sure

ryuji: meet there?

akira: sure

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ryuji: AKIRA

akira: what

ryuji: YOU MOTHERFUDJKFJIPP

akira: you're going to have to be a little more specific

ryuji: SEITEN TAISEI

akira: 83c

ryuji: AKIRADHJSLHGI

akira: 83ccccccc

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


futaba: ah there that is i was wondering what took so long

futaba: tho lmao sounds like even captain kidd was getting tired of waiting

akira: it was about time, i think

haru: What happened?

futaba: ryuji ranked up and transformed his persona

futaba: remember how mine was like a ufo looking thing

haru: Indeed! It's much rounder now, isn't it?

futaba: yup thats prometheus

futaba: it transformed

haru: How impressive! Does that happen often?

futaba: im p sure it can only happen once per person

futaba: maybe twice if you push it but i have no proof of that ever happening so far

akira: yeah that's about right

akira: i helped ann with hers too, tho i guess haru wasn't around to see that change

haru: Hecate looked different before?

akira: yup

akira: she was carmen

akira: she had her tits out

haru: Oh!

haru: I wonder if Milady can transform as well!

akira: oof it'll take a while

akira: let's not do anything until we figure out if okumura got that change of heart

haru: Oh! Speaking of whom!

haru: My father has arranged an emergency conference on October 11th.

haru: Which is odd, especially considering that there were some other arrangements for that day, and they had to be canceled.

akira: that's only a few days away.....

futaba: !!!

futaba: is he gonna confess his crimes on live tv

akira: scum2 did the same thing

haru: You really think so?

akira: it's a definite possibility

futaba: HELL YEAH

haru: I'm happy as well!

akira: we should celebrate

futaba: its kinda too cold to go to the beach again

ann: speaking of which, not to be that white bitch but we should go to the beach again

ann: i gotta work on my tan

futaba: ann why would you say not to be that white bitch and then proceed to be that white bitch exactly

ann: leave me ALONE i need that vitamin d okay?

akira: i can give you that vitamin d if y

futaba: he got sniped mid sentence

ann: thank you morgana for sniping this fuckboy

haru: Today, we lost our leader...

akira: im alive

haru: Sometimes, I can still hear his voice.

akira: stop telling people im dead

haru: From beyond the grave...

akira: oh my god

futaba: ok no were not going to the beach with this weather

haru: Oh! How about Destinyland?

ann: ehh there's no way we can afford the tickets

haru: Oh no, I wasn't thinking anything like that.

haru: The company had rented the park for the day, but since the conference got scheduled, the reservation was cancelled. It's quick notice, but I'm sure I can ask them to let us use it for the evening!

futaba: y

akira: hh

futaba: youre talking about renting out the entire park

akira: hhhh

haru: Yes!

akira: HHHHH

futaba: holy shit lets do it

ann: yeah im in!

haru: Wonderful! I'll make arrangements, then!

akira: hhhHHhhhHHHHHHH

futaba: fucking FINE just spit it out already

akira: sugar mama

haru: ;)

ann: she went for it,,,

futaba: scary

ann: hot

haru: ;) ;) ;)

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


shiho: oh DAMN IT you guys are going to destinyland? i'm so jealous UGH

ann: i'll make sure to get lots of pictures for youuu <3

akira: i can send you some selfies if you want

yusuke: I also could provide some photos of the park, if you wish to  see it.

shiho: oh thanks everyone! yeah id like that

mishima: send me some too

shiho: wha you're not going with them?

mishima: what for? i wasn't the one who had to apparently jump into the void

mishima: let them celebrate

ann: we could hold another party with you mishima

mishima: nah bc then i'd have to come up with another reason not to go

shiho: why wouldn't you go?

mishima: what's the point, without you?

shiho: yuuki damn it come into my dms i have some words for you

mishima: <33

haru: Oh! We should have that dance party, before the date! I'm not sure if the acoustics of an open park would allow for music...

futaba: oh HELL YEAH lets rent out a karaoke place and go all out

ann: will a karaoke booth have enough space for a dance party, though...

akira: if we're this large a group, they should give us a large room

futaba: fuck it lets go right now

ann: it's almost midnight

futaba: leggo

ann: we have class tomorrow

futaba: saddle up

ann: we need to sleep

futaba: no you dont

yusuke: Actually, I'm rather certain that you should be sleeping as well, Futaba.

yusuke: You didn't sleep yesterday, did you?

futaba: thats classified

yusuke: We made a deal.

futaba: wheres your proof

yusuke: Do you honestly want me to say here, where your entire friend group can see it? Should I go announcing it inside Leblanc, as well?

futaba: are you trying to kill me

yusuke: No. I am merely trying to get you to sleep.

futaba: ugh FINE one more episode

yusuke: Promise?

futaba: hhHHHHH

futaba: yeah fine WHATEVER yeah

mishima: im kinda scared to say it but im gonna do it anyway

mishima: whipped

futaba: do you expect me to deny

mishima: kinda

futaba: tough luck nishima

mishima: my name is literally right there

yusuke: Let's not argue again.

yusuke: Please don't argue with her. She'll use any excuse to get out of sleeping, right now.

mishima: alright

futaba: so dance party tomorrow yes or yes

yusuke: I have time.

ann: yeah let's do it!!

shiho: be sure to let us now how it went!!

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ann: shiho light of my life

shiho: what up

ann: and mishima my dear if awkward buddy

mishima: present

ann: the dance party was awesome

ann: and like, akira made good on his word. he really is prime dancing partner material

ann: it's like he can match anyone's style just by standing close enough to them!

akira: WILD CARD BITCH

mishima: did you have fun?

akira: hell fucking yeah

akira: everyone's so fucking good at dancing

ann: that's a lie

akira: yeah most of yall are disasters

akira: like i'm pretty sure haru is the only one who actually knows how to dance

ann: she does ballet

shiho: oh! nice!

ann: yeah and it looked real good! i always thought ballet was for like, classical music or whatever, but she worked it so well with modern stuff!!

akira: ryuji and makoto were absolute disasters

ann: oh right yeah

akira: it's like they both decided their sport was going to work as a dance move and it really did not

mishima: their sport?

akira: running for ryuji, aikido for makoto

ann: yeah makoto was in a power stance the entire party

akira: ann looked good dancing but she got repetitive a lot

akira: you look like you're posing, actually

akira: like you're going through poses

ann: kind of, yeah

ann: yusuke looked pretty decent too!

akira: you think? i thought he looked comfortable, above anything else

akira: like he didn't care what he looked like

ann: oh yeah you were all but laughing when you were dancing with him

akira: i liked it

ann: futaba was pretty cute

ann: im pretty sure she tap danced at some point

akira: idk i can never tell, without the shoes

mishima: oh same

mishima: i can only recognize tap dancing by sound

ann: still, akira it's amazing that you could sync up, even, when everyone was improvising....

akira: wild card wild card

akira: i am the most welcoming soul to step on the face of the earth a fucking GOD could try to fight me and i'd somehow talk it into becoming my persona

shiho: what would happen if two wild cards tried to dance together?

akira: i guess we would go around in circles until one of us inevitably died

akira: but that won't be a problem cause i don't think there can be two wild cards

shiho: there are two joker cards in every deck of playing cards!

akira: there's only one fool in every tarot deck

shiho: you do have a point...

shiho: but is the world a tarot deck, or a playing card deck?

akira: you're trying to force a dilemma but there's a tarot card called The World so you played yourself

 


	16. we didn't do this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what did you think it'd be all ships and shitposts? well yeah probably but the plot has to roll so here we are

mishima: hey you guys are you watching the stream?

shiho: wait it started??? hold on

mishima: ok ok enough texting time to watch

mishima: wait

mishima: wait no

shiho: what

mishima: jesus christ what

mishima: THEY CUT IT OFF IT'S SERIOUS

shiho: did that really happen!!

mishima: i mean i guess! if it was staged they wouldnt have cut it off right

mishima: holy shit okumura what's going on????

shiho: okumura??

shiho: everyone????

shiho: what's happening??????

mishima: wait is this a fucking shutdown??

mishima: you guys didn't do this, right???

shiho: what!!

akira: stop

  
  


* * *

 

 

akira: alright

shiho: akira what the fuck happened i've been holding back tears for the last hour what's going on

akira: let them flow cause that did happen

akira: haru is,,, busy, so don't message her or anything

mishima: akira they're saying you guys did this

akira: we didn't do this.

akira: we did everything the same way we always do, this has never happened to us before

akira: and we haven't been in his palace for days! why now?

mishima: okay...

mishima: i think you're telling the truth. you guys don't kill

akira: we don't kill

shiho: what's happening akira

akira: i know it's scary but please know that even if we get in trouble, you two are completely safe

akira: they can't trace you guys to us

akira: this chat has futaba-approved security and even if they trace the phansite to mishima, you can say you're nothing but a fan

akira: you're fine. you're fine. it's okay.

akira: that being said, we have no idea what's happening either.

akira: i'll try to keep you guys updated, but for now we're as shocked and scared as everyone else

shiho: akira...

akira: yes?

shiho: where's ann?

akira: we're all commuting to our respective homes. we broke it up after we failed to calm haru down or even keep her close

akira: but we couldn't have done anything. she had to leave.

mishima: that's fair

mishima: hey, are you okay?

akira: we're shocked and scared, but other than that we're fine

mishima: no i meant you, akira

shiho: yeah...

akira: i'm shocked and scared, but other than that i'm fine

akira: i think i'm doing a little better than everyone else, actually. i have morgana with me

shiho: right

shiho: take care

akira: you too

akira: love you both

  
  


* * *

 

 

haru: Thank you for being so understanding, everyone. I'm afraid I may not feel well enough to respond to some of your messages in a timely manner. Know that it is nothing against you, personally.

  
  


* * *

 

 

ryujI: ugh leave it to haru to be so kind when people are bugging her while shes grieving

ann: yeah

ann: she's responded to some of my dms, but it takes her a few hours.....

ryuji: man i sent her a handful of texts and then left her alone, i'm not gonna bother her rn

ann: idk i don't want her to think we stopped caring, but..... i guess i'll text her more sparingly......

yusuke: I was thinking of working on a painting for her. Do you think that might be unwanted?

ann: idk man prolly not

ryuji: i mean, it might, you know? you only paint when youre inspired dude, and she might take offence that you drew inspiration from her father's death,,,,

yusuke: Ah, I see.

yusuke: It seems I was thinking about it in a rather roundabout manner, then.

ryuji: penny fr ur thoughts

yusuke: You must be aware by now, that the variety of human emotion inspires me greatly.

yusuke: My dear friend is experiencing deep grief... I am immensely troubled by it.

yusuke: I was simply wondering if she'd be okay if I painted such troubles...

ann: ask her maybe

yusuke: Ann, you know as well as I do that my social skills are not delicate enough to handle a potentially offensive question to a grieving friend.

yusuke: I was hoping either of you might be able to offer some insight, since you two are the best at this kind of thing.

ann: grieving?

yusuke: No. Socializing.

ann: ah

ryuji: idk man just ask her, really

yusuke: But what if I come off rude? I'd hate to trouble her more.

ryuji: just take your time and put together a clear text to state your thoughts and reasoning! as long as you don't leave room for negative implications, you should be fine

ann: yeah and even if she says no, it's no big deal!

yusuke: I am not worried that she may deny me.

yusuke: I am worried that I may hurt her when she's vulnerable.

ryuji: shit man when you put it like that

ryuji: maybe start with that

ann: yeah tell her you mean no offence

yusuke: Hm.

yusuke: I'll think about it.

ann: yeah

ryuji: yeah

  
  


* * *

 

 

yusuke: Alright. I asked her.

ann: babe it's been hours

yusuke: I have the emotional capabilities of a squeezed sponge, Ann. You'll have to forgive me.

ann: so you just sent her a text?

yusuke: Yes.

yusuke: It was two texts, actually. One explaining my thought process as clearly as possible, the other asking the question.

yusuke: I hope she's alright...

ann: she answered one of my texts earlier

ann: i sent her a selfie of my legs in some cute shoes i had on for a shoot and she sent me a pic of her bare feet on raw ground

yusuke: Does her house have a garden, perhaps?

ann: yeah i think so

makoto: It does.

ann: queen!

ann: hi do you have any news from haru?

makoto: Sorry, I can't say.

ann: aww

ann: that's alright

ann: how are you holding up then

makoto: My sister... is planning on using this as an opportunity to intensify the investigation on the Phantom Thieves.

makoto: She stayed at work overnight...

makoto: I hope she's okay.

yusuke: I did not realize you would worry so much, in so many fronts. For this, I apologize.

yusuke: Are you okay, Makoto?

makoto: Thank you, I don't believe I am.

makoto: It would be nice to have some sort of distraction during the day...

makoto: I'm perfectly capable of tormenting myself with worry at night. I don't need my daylight wasted as well.

ann: how about some study sessions?

makoto: Yes, we have exams soon. That could work.

makoto: How about you, Yusuke?

yusuke: I have exams rather soon as well.

yusuke: Along with the written tests, I am expected to present an adequate amount of artwork.

yusuke: I might have dug my own grave with that one. I always present quite a lot of work, but lately, I haven't had much time to draw anything worthy of being presented at exams.

yusuke: I'm almost worried to turn in work of such significantly lesser quantity.

ann: can't you hand over some sketches??

yusuke: Oh, of course. And I'm planning to do just that.

yusuke: But you must understand, showing up for finals with sixty sketches and only two finalized works to show for it makes a rather sloppy image for myself, and I'd rather not have that.

ann: SIXTY?!?!??!

yusuke: That's what you focus on?

ann: babe i can't do sixty ANYTHING over the course of a semester

ann: hell i'd be surprised if i had sixty meals in just one semester!!

makoto: Ann... No...

ann: math is not my strongest subject

makoto: You'd have sixty meals in less than twenty days.

ann: oh nevermind then

yusuke: Hm. Hold on...

yusuke: By that logic, Ann would be having over three meals each day...

makoto: Yusuke.

makoto: Yusuke, no.

makoto: How do you two not balance each other out...

makoto: Three meals per day is recommended, and is also the amount most people have.

yusuke: Is that so?

makoto: Yes!

makoto: And you KNOW Ann likes to snack! Of course she'll eat more than that.

yusuke: That's so much food...

ann: how the hell are you so tall, yusuke

yusuke: Genes, I'm guessing. If it were caused by my nourishment, surely I would have some meat on me.

makoto: I hereby declare that all our study sessions be held in places that serve food, my treat.

ann: no no we can't accept that!

yusuke: Speak for yourself, babe.

yusuke: Thank you for your kind offer, Makoto, I will be more than happy to accept it.

ann: babe,,,,,

yusuke: Never in my life have I turned down free food. I'm not about to start now.

ann: i mean yeah but i could pay sometimes too,,,,,,

makoto: Oh you two are adorable.

makoto: You're so opposite from each other, in so many ways. It's interesting to watch!

ann: fire

yusuke: Ice.

ann: ohhh! snacking all the time~

yusuke: Starving. Often.

ann: curves!!

yusuke: Bones.

ann: showing skin~~

yusuke: Long sleeves.

ann: <3333

yusuke: <3 <3 <3

makoto: You're so cute...

makoto: I wish I could enjoy this more, but I'm afraid my mood won't allow for it.

yusuke: That's quite alright. Don't force yourself.

ann: yeah honey dw about it

 


	17. because i love you so much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's real sappy hours in this chat <33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are,,, so many birthdays today? i've counted like five so far, it's crazy. happy birthday everyone and especially happy birthday sis

mishima: do the phantom thieves take requests from people they know irl?

ryuji: yeah

mishima: i have a request

ryuji: lay it on me

mishima: end my suffering

ryuji: we don't need a third suicidal person in this chat

mishima: ok not that far but like

mishima: hhhhHHHH ive been dysphoric as hell today and the phansite is basically up in flames and everyone is still freaking out over what happened so i cant even ask anyone to hang out

ryuji: i'll hang out with you

mishima: thats the thing though i'm so dysphoric right now that i dont even want to leave the house

mishima: if i put on CLOTHES then im presenting myself, you know?? under these blankets all is vague and unassuming

ryuji: i could come over

mishima: if my brother sees you then i'm going to jump out this window

mishima: that came out suicidal as well i didn't mean it like that

ryuji: i can come pick you up and bring you over

ryuji: will that work?

mishima: i dont wanna wear clothesssss

ryuji: wrap yourself in a blanket and go

mishima: ryuji no

ryuji: i can bring you some of my own clothes?

mishima: hhHHHHHH

mishima: okay that might work

mishima: can you bring over your triple seven hoodie

ryuji: don't you have one of those too?

mishima: yes

ryuji: ??

mishima: ugh

mishima: yours is bigger and smells like you and it's YOURS it's DIFFERENT okay

mishima: it's like

mishima: armor

ryuji: im gonna cry holy shit warn a guy

mishima: please just bring your 777 hoodie

ryuji: already out the door see you in a bit

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


futaba: is haru a dog person or a cat person

makoto: Ducks.

futaba: thank

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ann: okay whomst here did this

makoto: What?

ann: i found a hickey on the inside of my upper arm whomst here did this

makoto: Maybe it's a bruise?

akira: yeah ann maybe is a bruise

ann: suspicious

akira: me? never

yusuke: Indeed, Akira would never act suspicious.

ann: doubt

akira: are you calling me a liar?

ann: honey,,,,,

akira: yeah that's fair

ann: no for real who did this

yusuke: Probably me.

ann: k

akira: what thats it

akira: i was expecting worse

makoto: So was I.

ann: i mean

ann: its just

ann: maybe i'm gonna pay him back next time, you know?

makoto: Are you quite alright?

ann: im

ann: only a little

yusuke: Oh.

makoto: Oh.

akira: oh

ann: no don't get me wrong! i had fun and everything

ann: i think i needed that and stuff

ann: like it took my mind off things for a bit and it felt nice and it was with you guys so i liked that a lot

ann: i just

ann: i saw the mark and it

ann: god i don't know

ann: i worry for haru so much

ann: but i can't do anything for her....

haru: Not true. Your messages cheer me up quite a lot.

ann: haru!

akira: hey haru

haru: Hello, everyone. Sorry I've been absent these last few days.

yusuke: You don't need to apologize for that. We understand.

haru: How's your piece coming along, Yusuke?

yusuke: I have a few sketches. I'll pick between them sometime today.

akira: what are they like?

yusuke: Rather variant. I haven't decided if I want to take a more abstract, expressionistic approach to better fit the emotions I want to convey, or if I should attempt a portrait of someone experiencing those emotions.

makoto: Hm. Which of the two do you usually prefer?

yusuke: For pieces such as these, abstract.

yusuke: I would have to be wildly inspired indeed to try for a portrait.

yusuke: But I am, hence the dilemma.

ann: man i have no idea what most of that was but sounds like a portrait would be easier to read? if that makes sense?

yusuke: Precisely.

yusuke: This only serves to further my indecisiveness.

akira: i liked the ones you showed me

yusuke: See? There are very good arguments for both sides. Maybe I should just do two pieces and be done with it.

akira: won't that take more time

akira: and materials

akira: and effort,,,

yusuke: You think I care for any of that?

haru: Thank you, Yusuke. Please do whatever you feel is closer to your artistic vision.

haru: I'm afraid I have to sign off.

akira: see ya haru

makoto: Take care.

ann: yeah good talking to you!! <3

haru: <3

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


futaba: im gonna die what the fuck is that

mishima: ugh you're seeing this too?

futaba: yeah what the shit

akira: what's up

mishima: something's up with the phansite

futaba: someone hacked the voting code and now all the requests at the top are way out of the sites traffic and about the same subject

akira: ugh shitty

akira: can you fix it?

futaba: sure

mishima: hold on let me try first

futaba: knock yourself out

akira: what are the top requests?

mishima: they're all from guys who got dumped by their girlfriends or rejected or ignored ugh

futaba: oh look at this one

futaba: hes complaining that some stranger didnt hug him

futaba: thats so fucking sad and also terrifying

akira: ugh

akira: people like that are why im in tokyo in the first place

futaba: huh

futaba: oh right

akira: yeah

futaba: shit man

akira: yeah

mishima: okay i think i fixed something but i'm p sure i didn't fix everything

futaba: lemme see

futaba: yup you barely scratched the surface but good try

mishma: thanks

futaba: alright give me two minutes

mishima: akira you wanna talk about it?

akira: nah i'm good

mishima: you sure? i mean

akira: yeah it's okay, i don't remember much anyway

akira: like, i can't even remember either of their faces

akira: it's all in flashes

mishima: if you say so

akira: yeah

futaba: done

futaba: regular votes should be functioning again

mishima: yeah looks good! thanks, sakura

futaba: no prob

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


haru: Greetings, everyone. How are you all doing?

shiho: i was going to study but since you're here

haru: Oh no, don't let me interrupt you!

shiho: nah it's cool

shiho: you make for good conversation

haru: Oh!

haru: Thank you!

shiho: so how are you?

haru: I just finished checking up on the plants at the school rooftop. It was a little tiring to work in this cold, but I couldn't leave those veggies to their fate.

shiho: gardening, huh? sounds like a cool hobby to have

haru: It sounds that way, but in truth, it's hard to practice it on a whim! It requires special locations to allow for it, since I live in a city that's more concrete than soil.

haru: It must be easier for you, out in the country, yes?

shiho: not really

shiho: the ground here is full of wild weeds and stuff, it'd be hard to tame a piece of soil to grow controlled veggies in

haru: Ah, indeed...

haru: Sometimes I envy Yusuke. Imagine, to need nothing more than paper and pencil to do what you're most passionate about doing...

yusuke: But I envy you as well, Haru. What you make is something alive and growing, with tendencies of its own. What I make can only come to be through my own hand.

yusuke: You don't know how many times I've wished for something to draw itself.

shiho: that sounds wild

yusuke: Art block is a curse I cannot wish upon anyone.

shiho: what's it like

yusuke: It's not dissimilar to insomnia. To want something so much, to know how to do it, to follow the steps exactly as you've always followed them...

yusuke: ...and to still find your goal elusive.

yusuke: To attempt something with the entirety of your heart, and in the end, to have nothing to show for it.

haru: That sounds similar to what I feel when something doesn't take root, despite my best efforts...

haru: But I can't imagine the situations to be comparable simply because they induce similar feelings.

shiho: ??

yusuke: How so?

haru: In each hole I dig, I place a handful of seeds to assure that at least one of them will grow.

haru: And I plant in batches, always.

haru: And like you so rightfully pointed out, plants grow whether I tend to them or not.

haru: To create something with my own hands? Something that I shape fully and completely by myself? And to find the result lacking or evading me?

haru: I would be crestfallen.

yusuke: Haru...

haru: Yes?

yusuke: I'm

yusuke: You're correct. It is very disappointing for that to happen. I lose faith in my work, in myself, when the results turn as such.

yusuke: But Haru, please understand. A piece of art is a piece of art, whether it be completed or not, whether I find it satisfactory or not.

yusuke: A plant is a living organism, it is alive, and it wilts or gets rooted out when it's not to the gardener's liking.

haru: That's the point in planting in batches.

shiho: if you're trying to produce, it is. but if gardening is your hobby, not your job, doesn't that count for something?

yusuke: Yes.

yusuke: I keep all my sketches, Haru.

yusuke: Even the ones I hate deeply.

yusuke: The ones that are little more than two lines on a page.

yusuke: I keep them close to my chest, because at the time I drew those lines, I felt something I wished to capture, and I did.

yusuke: It doesn't matter if it's a fully completed, realistic portrait, or if it's just the impression of the curve of someone's back as they hunched over homework.

yusuke: They matter to me.

yusuke: They matter to others too, Haru.

yusuke: I like sharing my art with you.

yusuke: ...and,

yusuke: And I liked it, when you invited everyone up on Shujin's roof and I got to catch just a glimpse of your passion.

haru: Yusuke...

yusuke: I would like it

yusuke: If you didn't keep this from us.

yusuke: If you didn't shut us out.

yusuke: I would like to see it again.

yusuke: Please, Haru.

haru: I

haru: I didn't know th

haru: I'm sorry I

haru: I just didn't want to worry anyone...

yusuke: We worry either way. Talk to us.

yusuke: Haru, we want to know how you feel.

yusuke: I would like to know that.

yusuke: Will you tell me?

haru: I'm

haru: I feel... sad.

haru: Sad that my father is gone, that it might be because of my own actions.

yusuke: It was not.

shiho: it wasn't your fault!

haru: But how can I know? Yes, the news reported different patterns for the previous targets of the Phantom Thieves, but how do I know they are all still alive right now?

yusuke: Don't you trust us to tell the truth?

haru: That's the problem, I do.

haru: So why was it that this is the only time there were casualties?

haru: Since you so adamantly insist that everything was done exactly the same?

shiho: haru no that's

haru: I have never changed a heart before! I don't know if I did something wrong!

haru: The only difference between my father and all previous targets was my involvement!

haru: If the Phantom Thieves caused it, it was my fault and my fault only!

yusuke: Haru, please, please listen to me.

yusuke: One Thief's actions cannot affect any target this much.

yusuke: And it doesn't matter if that's a possibility or not.

yusuke: Our actions are interwoven. It cannot be your fault alone. If it is your fault, it is my fault. It is Joker's fault, Queen's, Panther's, Skull's, Oracle's, Mona's.

yusuke: You did not act alone. You acted with us. We acted with you.

yusuke: You are our family. I am not joking when I say that any one of us would step into speeding traffic to see our family from harm.

yusuke: So tell me, Noir. How do you feel?

haru: I'm...

haru: Fox, I'm disgusted.

haru: I am appalled that his death was broadcasted so broadly, so cruelly.

haru: I am terrified beyond thought that it might be of my actio

haru: Of OUR actions.

haru: But mostly, I am angry.

shiho: angry?

haru: Angry at myself that I cannot put my mind at ease.

haru: I'm furious at whoever arranged for the event to be so public.

haru: I am fucking livid at whoever is responsible for my father's death.

haru: I want them to pay.

yusuke: They shall.

yusuke: You're a Thief.

yusuke: A force to be reckoned with.

yusuke: And you're not alone.

yusuke: Many have survived a storm. Nothing can survive eight hurricanes at once.

haru: I love you.

haru: Fox, I

haru: Yusuke, I love you with all my heart.

haru: If I didn't know how your soul craved for colors, I would fight tooth and nail to make sure you end up a poet.

haru: You've made me cry three times in the past conversation using nothing but words.

yusuke: I'm crying myself, if that helps.

shiho: yeah im crying too

futaba: shit man i like to pretend i dont have a heart but same

ryuji: are you kidding i never stopped crying

yusuke: And I love you as well, Haru.

haru: I know. Thank you.

haru: Why were you two silent for this whole conversation?

futaba: ghosting is my middle name

ryuji: you really want me to open my mouth and ruin the absolute beauty happenin here? dont think so

yusuke: Well, it's happened now. Let us hear your thoughts.

ryuji: what, me?

yusuke: I'm sorry, is there any confusion? We care about you and we want to know how you feel.

ryuji: well first off i love you too

ryuji: uh, both

ryuji: with like, the whole of me

ryuji: i didn't know you could love someone with your entire self, i thought i could only love with my hands or my head or my eyes or my heart but

ryuji: god it hurts so much when i spend the whole day without seeing any of you

ryuji: that goes to you too, futaba, don't think you're getting out of this

ryuji: hell it goes to the whole team

ryuji: shiho let's talk later

shiho: yeah

ryuji: secondly haru why did you have to slip on a mask to be honest? why was noir the one who spoke bluntly

haru: Oh, don't mistake it.

haru: There was no mask.

haru: It doesn't matter if Noir speaks, or Milady, or Haru.

haru: I am her. She is I.

haru: Her words are my words. My actions are her actions. And my actions are those of a Thief.

haru: And there is honesty among Thieves, is there not?

haru: I will be honest with you, my dear, just as soon as I can be honest with myself. I love you so.

ryuji: damn

ryuji: okay i guess i can cry a little more whatever its not like i was trying to do anything here

ryuji: futaba come on

futaba: what

haru: Don't think you can get out of this, Futaba-chan.

futaba: what this cry fest

futaba: pass

yusuke: Futaba. Spare us a moment.

yusuke: I crave to know your thoughts. You are so bright I am sure I could never understand a fraction of what goes through your head.

yusuke: Not without your help.

yusuke: Help me understand.

yusuke: I love you so, so much, Futaba. Tell me your thoughts.

futaba: goddamit inari how do you do this

yusuke: Do what?

futaba: you know damn well what

futaba: you got fucking everyone to speak their minds

futaba: like fuck do you think we like baring our demons

futaba: and the shit is its working

futaba: i want to tell you

futaba: but i suck at this

futaba: i suck so bad inari its embarrassing

yusuke: Did you not read what I said earlier?

yusuke: I keep even the worst of my failed sketches.

yusuke: An attempt is worthy for being what it is. You don't need to succeed in order for me to value you.

futaba: i fucking

futaba: hate how you do that

futaba: youre supposed to be bad with words

futaba: youre supposed to fumble and miss social cues

yusuke: I simply spoke my mind, as I'm asking you to do.

futaba: damn it

futaba: fine

futaba: i

futaba: i cant picture my life without any of you at this point

futaba: you know what you did for me

futaba: youve been in my palace you know what i

futaba: im so scared

futaba: all the time

ryuji: yeah, me too

shiho: same

ryuji: but that's the thing, isn't it?

ryuji: i'm scared and pissed as hell but like

ryuji: when im with you

futaba: yeah

futaba: when im with you

futaba: it just

futaba: it goes away

futaba: and every time we hang out it gets weaker and weaker

futaba: i think

futaba: i think id like to think that this is what love is like

futaba: to be stronger because you are

futaba: to be calmer because you are

futaba: to be confident just because

futaba: just because i want to be better for you

futaba: better for me

futaba: i think

futaba: i think i might love myself a little

futaba: just because i came to love all of you

futaba: isnt that such a backwards thing

futaba: i adopted parts of who you are to my own self

futaba: and because i love you so much i ended up loving myself

ryuji: you know, i couldn't have said it better myself

ryuji: damn. its like you took the thoughts from my brain and found words for them

yusuke: I feel similar as well.

shiho: i don't think im quite there yet

shiho: but maybe

shiho: yeah, maybe the only love i have left for myself is because ann never gave up on me

shiho: ryuji i

shiho: can't believe im about to say this

shiho: ryuji i can't wait to see you again

ryuji: for real?

FORREALBOT: --71--

ryuji: what if i bring back bad memories??

shiho: yeah i'm surprised too but i think

shiho: god, ryuji

shiho: i want to see you again

ryuji: yeah

ryuji: yeah me too

shiho: and i wanna meet everyone too

yusuke: It would be a pleasure.

haru: We have heard so much about you!

futaba: im good over here

shiho: maybe i can make the trip over a weekend

ryuji: dont rush it

ryuji: things are still kindof

ryuji: yeah

ryuji: but i'd love that

shiho: <3

ryuji: <3

haru: <3!!

yusuke: <3

futaba: <3

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god writing that painting/gardening metaphor was a joy and a half jfc <3 <3 <3


	18. sitting there hunched like a gargoyle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i like writing ryuji and ann being feels-smart

ann: im gonna fucking cry

ryuji: yeah imagine actually being a part of that convo

ann: ryuji you beautiful, beautiful fucker

ryuji: ann my beautiful beautiful fucker

ann: i wanna smooch your fucking FACE

ryuji: get here then

ann: by the time i get to you it'll be too late to make it back, the trains will have stopped

ryuji: stay the night

ann: don't tempt me

ryuji: come onnnn ma misses you! she's been asking about you

ann: DONT FUCKING TEMPT ME RYUJI

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


futaba: did you stay the night

futaba: and more importantly did you smash

ann: no and no why was that more important than the first thing

futaba: you know why

ann: bc you're a thirsty bi ace mess?

futaba: ah you know me so well

akira: apparently i don't

akira: didn't expect you to get so emotional, futaba!

akira: how come you were being a fuck when i asked for your wisdom?

akira: was it because of the way i asked? should i have gone for yusuke's smooth honesty?

yusuke: Thanks.

futaba: omg shut uppppp

futaba: the wisdom i offered you was fucking top tier

akira: doubt

futaba: i take it you havent watched naruto yet then

futaba: you heathen

ann: i've watched like three episodes tops

futaba: you HEATHEN

haru: What's Naruto?

futaba: IM SURROUNDED BY HEATHENS

futaba: I CANT BELIEVE MY ONLY HOPE IS INARI AND RYUJI

yusuke: You made me watch that whole thing by force.

futaba: that wasnt force

yusuke: Wasn't it?

futaba: im not discussing this with you here

futaba: take it to dms or drop it

yusuke: Is it because you're still under the misinformed illusion that this group chat might remain free of "nasty" content?

ann: WHAT

futaba: inari

yusuke: I didn't say anything.

ann: WHAT DID SHE DO TO MAKE YOU WATCH NARUTO

haru: No, really, what is that?

haru: It sounds like a movie or a series... An anime, if I had to guess?

futaba: yeah its an anime you should watch it

ann: THAT'S NOT WHAT'S IMPORTANT HERE

akira: indeed guys share the details :3

yusuke: Apparently, we have different ideas about what happened.

yusuke: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

yusuke: Futaba...

futaba: HOLD THE FUCK ON GIVE ME A MOMENT

yusuke: To do what?

yusuke: Futaba?

akira: oh shit

ann: wait did we break her

haru: Futaba-chan, please come back! They were being mean, you don't have to listen to them!

haru: We can talk about something else if you want.

ann: i wasnt TRYING to be mean! i was just teasing futaba come on you know that,,,,,

yusuke: I'm sorry I said you made me watch Naruto by force.

yusuke: It wasn't like that.

yusuke: I was wrong to phrase it that way.

akira: i swear to god if youre just sitting there hunched like a gargoyle and giggling at our flailing

futaba: only a lil

akira: im going to eat your glasses

futaba: ill eat yours

haru: You're not upset?

futaba: i was a lil

haru: Did we do something wrong? What was it?

futaba: haru youre an angel and you have never done anything wrong in your life ever

haru: Don't lie to our faces like that. I know you have my internet history.

futaba: fair

futaba: it wasnt the teasing that threw me for a loop it was the

futaba: the

futaba: the thing

futaba: you know the thing

yusuke: The potential that I might say what happened?

futaba: well not exactly that

yusuke: That I might describe it?

yusuke: In detail?

yusuke: That I might allude to something you physically did in real life?

yusuke: That I might suggest you're not as unquenchably thirsty as you'd have people believe?

futaba: we kissed and stuff

futaba: it was just kissing

futaba: pants on through the entire thing

futaba: dont let him trick you into thinking we fucked or anything

haru: Methinks the lady doth protest too much!

ann: i have no idea what haru just said but hell YEAH futaba get some!!

ann: and yusuke babe you too!! <3

yusuke: Thank you <3

ann: so how was it

futaba: THE FUCK YOU MEAN HOW WAS IT

futaba: IT WAS KISSING

ann: yeah but was it good kissing?? give me the deets!

akira: did you really watch naruto for it

yusuke: It was worth it.

yusuke: It actually ended up being pretty good.

ann: i can't tell which he's referring too

ann: did naruto end up being pretty good or did the kissing

yusuke: Yes.

futaba: yes

akira: nice

ann: dont encourage their cryptid bullshit

akira: how dare you speak those words to me when i have mothman in my head right this moment

haru: I'm so happy for both of you!

haru: Now where can I purchase a copy of Naruto?

akira: no haru dont do it it's like a bazillion episodes

yusuke: Do it, Haru. It's good.

futaba: ill send you some links right now

futaba: wait did you say purchase

futaba: fuck yeah ill send you links to buy the dvds

futaba: support the creators

yusuke: Yes! Support the creators!

haru: I would love that!

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


mishima: you guys haven't watched naruto?

mishima: what are you doing with your lives????

futaba: i cant believe my only hope for this group is inari ryuji and the fucking npc

mishima: i have a name

yusuke: So do I, but she derives joy from our suffering. I just let it happen.

mishima: what seriously? i'd be calling her a weird insult for revenge if i could just come up with something

yusuke: I'm sure I'd be able to conjure a creative insult, but it seems like a waste of my time.

mishima: come on man do it for me

yusuke: Why? What have you done that warrants my favor?

futaba: thats easily the most terrifying way to tell a guy you dont like him

mishima: i run the site! be nice to me!

yusuke: At this point, Futaba has assisted in its maintenance so much that you're only its administrator.

mishima: like that's worth nothing?? what the shit kitagawa???

ryuji: okay what's going on here

yusuke: ?

yusuke: Nothing? We were discussing Naruto again.

ryuji: no you were fighting with mishima what's up

mishima: drop it sakamoto its nothing

ryuji: no

ryuji: why are you two being mean

futaba: im innocent

ryuji: stop calling mishima an npc

ryuji: you know he hates it

mishima: sakamoto

ryuji: and yusuke goddamnit you may not have to do shit for him but you can't be mean to him for no reason

yusuke: Mean?

ryuji: telling him his work aint shit

ryuji: i know you dont like him but you could stand to lay off a lil

yusuke: I was not being hostile. I re-read the texts you are referring to, and I agree that they could have been phrased more politely.

yusuke: However, there was no need for that. And I didn't want to.

ryuji: yeah that's called being mean and we don't do that to our admin, fox

mishima: sakamoto shut up

ryuji: no. futaba calling you an npc isn't the same as her calling yusuke inari

ryuji: yusuke doesn't fucking care

ryuji: mishima cares futaba get it through your head

futaba: youre the only one in our naruto group that i called by name and you come for me like this

ryuji: yusuke fucking agreed to being called inari. you explained the nickname to him. it was a fun playful moment among the team and you came up with a name on the spot.

ryuji: with mishima you couldn't even bother to come up with it. you just took an existing term and slapped it at the end of a long string of insults to make fun of him

ryuji: it's not fun futaba it's shitty and you gotta cut it out

mishima: god FUCK sakamoto how about YOU CUT IT OUT FOR ONCE HOLY SHIT SHUT UP

ryuji: hey

mishima: i don't need your fucking help! i was doing fine!

ryuji: wanna duke it out

mishima: what no why would i do that

ryuji: cause words hurt more

ryuji: look man we've both been called way too many things and i dont want it happening in the thieves

ryuji: i mean come the fuck on we're fighting against shit like this

mishima: oh the phantom thieves are targeting mean teenagers now? your standards have dropped

ryuji: we're not f

ryuji: this isn't targeting. it's addressing issues in the squad

ryuji: a callout post if you will

mishima: well it's not necessary

ryuji: isn't it

ryuji: it's been five minutes mishima i know you've seen my text answer the question

yusuke: I apologize.

yusuke: I was unnecessarily rude. I did not mean to belittle your work, Mishima. I was unable to come up with a creative insult towards you, and I did not want to disappoint. I'm afraid all I could think at the time was to hit you where it hurt, so to speak.

yusuke: It was wrong of me.

mishima: shit

mishima: its fine man its not a big deal

ryuji: ISN'T IT

ryuji: IF IT'S NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION

ryuji: WHY WERE YOU TRYING SO HARD TO GET THEM TO BE NICE TO YOU IF YOU DIDN'T WANT THEM TO

ryuji: STOP DENYING MAN YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE

mishima: shut up

ryuji: oh you sure told ME

mishima: i will not duke it out with you, sakamoto, get over it. we all know who'd win

ryuji: ryuji

mishima: ??

ryuji: not sakamoto. ryuji.

mishima: oh

mishima: right yeah uh

mishima: ryuji, then

ryuji: thanks

futaba: moonmoon

ryuji: what

futaba: instead of npc moonmoon

ryuji: why the eff would you call him moonmoon

mishima: yeah im more confused than insulted

futaba: moon boi

mishima: what

yusuke: You're confusing me as well, now.

futaba: boy on the moon

mishima: what is it about the moon that makes you think of me

yusuke: Does he emit some sort of lunar energy to you?

futaba: moonman

akira: oh i get it

ryuji: you do????

yusuke: You do?

mishima: decrypt this akira pls

akira: moon -> light of night -> hidden lead -> admin of, but not a part of the thieves

ryuji: kinda roundabout

akira: also it could be that he's the only person our age i have met in tokyo that i can find in the red light district late night

yuske: Obscure...

futaba: moonishima

mishima: you know what i'll take moon boi

ryuji: moon bi

ryuji: okay that was a typo but i stand by it

yusuke: Moon boi...

akira: moon boi

futaba: moon boi

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, trying to find a non-4th-wall-breaking explanation for why mishima should be moon boi:


	19. fix what I can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quick one and particularly gay

haru: I'm a little disappointed that our outing to Destinyland was as terrible as it was.

haru: I wish we could've had a better time.

makoto: That's what's bothering you?

haru: I want to fix what I can about a night that was wholly and cruelly terrible.

haru: Let's have another team outing. One of proper celebration, this time.

makoto: I think I would like that.

ryuji: hell yeah dude lets do it

ryuji: mishima you're coming too this time

mishima: yuuki

ryuji: yuuki you're coming too this time

mishima: but,,, thieves celebration,,,,

haru: Oh! How about we do this at the cultural festival?

makoto: That would be a good chance, I think.

makoto: And I believe we could invite Yusuke and Futaba to join us, as well.

makoto: Yusuke, Kosei's festival isn't on the same days as Shujin's, is it?

yusuke: No, I will be able to attend.

haru: Lovely!

ryuji: oh damn dyou think shiho could make it????

ryuji: shiho???? dear???

shiho: isn't the festival like

shiho: day after tomorrow

makoto: Yes.

shiho: how do you expect me to be there

ryuji: through the power of i really wanna give you a hug

shiho: fair point fair point

haru: I will pay for your train ticket if that's what it takes!

shiho: hmmm a valid argument

mishima: i've missed you, shiho

shiho: well damn i guess i'm coming to the festival

ryuji: YES

ryuji: WOOOOOOOOO

haru: Let me know what time I should get you tickets for!

shiho: uhhhh like 7

haru: In the morning?

shiho: evening

haru: Tomorrow, yes?

shiho: yes

haru: Consider it done!

ryuji: HARU I LOVE YOU

haru: And I love you as well, Ryuji! <3

ryuji: <33333

mishima: hell yeah hell yeah

shiho: hell yeah hell yeah!

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  


ann: HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

ann: SHIHO HELL YEAH

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  


makoto: Oh, Shiho, has your school had its festival already?

shiho: yeah it was a bit ago

ann: how was it??

shiho: alright i guess

shiho: my class did a knitting bit and i dont know how to knit so you can guess how much fun i had

makoto: Were they teaching how to knit or was it an exhibition of knitted items? A sale perhaps?

shiho: both

shiho: mostly a sale

ann: so did you learn anything?

shiho: i learned i can apparently tangle myself in a bit of yarn shorter than my arm and somehow tie both of my hands together

ann: how do you tie your hands together

ann: wouldnt you need your hands to do the tying

shiho: you'd expect so, right?

shiho: i have a gift apparently

shiho: the class prez let me take a keychain for free bc i was so bad at it

ann: god i love you so much

futaba: morosexual

ann: i will beat you up with my bare hands

futaba: you would never hurt a hair off my head

ann: is that a bet you're willing to make

futaba: yes

futaba: do it coward

shiho: ANYWAY ANN WHAT IS your class doing for the festival?

ann: we're doing a maid cafe

mishima: we did not have the budget for it

akira: it is more maid than cafe

mishima: we got like three maids total

ann: it's kinda sad

ann: we had no money left for cafe things

akira: im pretty sure we stole the microwave from the faculty office break room

akira: as a class i mean, not as thieves

shiho: makoto, what about yours?

makoto: Ah, we're doing a haunted house theme...

shiho: oh that's cool!

akira: clearly you dont know makoto

shiho: what's wrong?

akira: she hates it

makoto: I hate it...

ann: she is so jumpy you wouldn't believe

makoto: Most of their decorations are spiders and bats and stuff, those are fine, it's just...

makoto: The ghosts. And the dark classroom.

makoto: It creeps me out...

akira: hey who wants to go by makoto's class day tomorrow

ann: im down

shiho: me too!

akira: im still reeling from the fact that you're gonna be here, shiho

akira: i really, really want to kiss you.

shiho: i am immediately filled with dread!

akira: yeah, i know

akira: i just wanted you to know what i'm thinking on the subject

akira: im not gonna go for it, but you know. best policy

shiho: ah

shiho: thank you, akira

ryuji: i'll go to the haunted house with you

ann: what a gentleman

ryuji: ah wait but then who's gonna keep makoto company

akira: haru, i guess

ryuji: and me

akira: mop your drool off the floor ryuji someone might slip on it

makoto: Let the guy be thirsty.

ryuji: yeah man let me be thirsty

makoto: You'd keep me company, dear?

ryuji: hell yeah!

makoto: Nice.

shiho: ryuji what's your class doing?

ryuji: huh

ryuji: hell what IS my class doing

makoto: You seriously don't know?

ryuji: i forget

shiho: what's haru's class doing?

makoto: I believe they are selling handmade paper creations.

makoto: Calendars, mostly, from what I've gathered.

makoto: Maybe some origami.

makoto: It's a sale, in any case.

shiho: boo you should all do maid cafes

akira: ironically enough it's only our class that's doing a maid cafe

mishima: why is that ironic

akira: oh, no reason.

mishima: i do not trust that punctuation

akira: dont worry about it babe

ann: speaking of babes shiho are you packed yet?

shiho: im trying to figure out which t-shirt of mine i should bring

ann: you own t-shirts?

shiho: shocking i know

ann: oh ha ha shiho

ann: why are you bringing a tshirt in this fucking weather

shiho: to leave for you, of course!

shiho: i have one of yours here and i am not bringing it back

ann: ohhhhhhhhh my little heart. i've been shot. i've been stabbed, i've been strangled

akira: kinky

ann: babe do you wear that shirt to like sleep?? is that what's happening here? i need to know for science

shiho: i use it as a pillow case

ann: IVE BEEN SHOT

akira: yeah no offense but i felt that shot and it wasnt even directed at me

ryuji: what are you kidding me? dude i keep one of your shirts under my pillow all the time

akira: WHAT WHEN WHY

ryuji: it smells like you

ryuji: if it's under my pillow then i can keep it hidden, feels like a lil treasure

ryuji: plus that way you won't get to see it which means you won't steal it back whenever you come over

akira: why,,,,, are you telling me this,,,,,,,

ryuji: you know why

akira: i am a FOOL for wearing your shirts is what you're telling me

ryuji: oh no you're effin adorable when you wear my shirts

ryuji: yuuki too you cute as hell in my clothes

ryuji: ann somehow manages to always be hot in my clothes, i don't know how she does it. i've seen her look cute in akira's clothes or in shiho's clothes or in makoto's clothes, but if they're mine or yusuke's, they're always hot

ryuji: HOW

futaba: boyfriend hot hence boyfriend clothes hot

futaba: girlfriend cute so girlfriend clothes cute

akira: objection makoto is hot as hell

akira: makoto herself doesn't look cute in makoto's clothes

futaba: yeah well ryuji doesnt look hot in ryujis clothes either

akira: That's False

mishima: i am, so confused

ann: yeah i lost yall when you assumed hot and cute couldnt coexist when they constantly do in regards to me and also akira

akira: back to the task at hand shiho can you bring a shirt for me too

ryuji: im good

mishima: yeah im good too

shiho: well lucky for you two and unlucky for akira, i wasn't bringing any extra shirts to begin with

shiho: the one im bringing for ann is only to cover up for the one i'm keeping here

shiho: a steal for a steal, right?

shiho: okay NOW im packed

ann: have a safe trip!

ryuji: we'll be waiting!!!

mishima: see you tomorrow <3

shiho: <3

ann: <3

akira: <3

ryuji: <3

 


	20. proceed to festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE DID IT FOLKS POLYTHIEVES IS NOW A PROPER FILTERED TAG WE HAVE DONE IT  
>  _ **AO3 SAID POLYTHIEVES RIGHTS**_  
>  i'd like to thank everyone who's ever contributed to the tag, and everyone who ever will. i see you and i love you, look here, we made it!

ann: good morning!

ann: girlfriend: acquired

futaba: date activities unlocked

futaba: proceed to festival

ann: where you at?

futaba: akira and morgana are gonna swing by in a minute to pick me up

futaba: sojiro offered to drive us to school but i have unlocked the public transport mount so he can keep farming for money at leblanc

ann: thats,,, a worrying increase of gamer lingo

ann: you good?

futaba: uh

futaba: im

futaba: im gonna be good once akira and morgana are with me

ann: there's nothing to worry about, you're gonna love shujin

futaba: bold words

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


futaba: i hate shujin

haru: >:0

makoto: Excuse me?

ann: yeah this place is a trashbag

haru: >:0000

ryuji: it was worse earlier in the year

akira: i would trade this entire school for one corn chip

makoto: Is that any way for all of you to be speaking?

haru: How dare!!

futaba: why is everything so loud here

ann: oh she's hating the festival false alarm everybody she's not talking about the community of shujin

makoto: Oh, I was genuinely considering punching you all.

ryuji: nah the school itself is fine prez we wouldn't trash talk that

haru: We all know exactly what you're trash talking. Let's go back to Futaba's worries?

futaba: theres so much of

futaba: everything

futaba: fuck

futaba: is this what yall have to put up with every damn day

ann: nah this is just for the festival

ann: see the walls? without the decorations i mean, that's how muted it usually is, it's a good color

ann: fuck where are you can you see any walls

akira: yeah we can see some walls

akira: where are you

shiho: we're outside

ann: waiting for yusuke and ryuji

yusuke: We're still on the train.

ryuji: two stops

shiho: anyone seen mishima?

akira: he's on microwave duty in our class for this hour

akira: me and ann got pardoned bc we pitched in for the maid costumes

shiho: oh

akira: you wanted to see us in maid costumes?

shiho: a little bit

ryuji: IM GONNA SCREAM

futaba: yeah suddenly you have my attention

ryuji: MAID COSTUMES MAID COSTUMES

yusuke: I refuse to be seen with this man if he continues muttering that phrase. Ann, Suzui-san, please come pick me up from the station.

ann: dont speak that way about your boyfriend

yusuke: He just gave me a look and I swear he's just picturing me in a maid costume.

ann: o yeah slap him

yusuke: I refuse.

shiho: kiss him to distract him so you can steal his phone

ryuji: Mine now.

ryuji: We are disembarking from the train. See you soon.

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


mishima: is it bad that i would pay actual money to see some of you in maid costumes?

akira: it is neither bad nor surprising all things considered

ryuji: lmao yeah

futaba: we're missing something here

ann: i dont want to know

futaba: i do tho

akira: bad luck cause we are never going to talk about this for any reason whatsoever

ryuji: bro code

ryuji: boyfriend c

ryuji: brofriend code

mishima: where the fuck are you i need to kiss you right now

ryuji: hold that thought cause we're going into the haunted house classroom

mishima: FINE but meet back at our class after

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


futaba: nobody look alarmed but mishima suzui leave as fast as you can

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


mishima: ???

mishima: what's going on?

shiho: guys?

shiho: holy shit is that

futaba: dont even peek just go

shiho: IS THAT FUCKING GORO AKECHI

futaba: keep walking im begging you

mishima: we'll be just around the corner, tell us if you need us

futaba: no go away

futaba: fuck cant talk rn

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


mishima: wasn't akechi going to be the celebrity guest for tomorrow? why's he here today?

mishima: guys?

shiho: yall got akechi to be your guest? wild

futaba: do a lap around the school

shiho: what why

futaba: so youll stop messaging were in the middle of something here

mishima: fuck fine okay we'll stroll around the first floor tell us when we can come up again

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


futaba: clear

shiho: we're on our way

mishima: what the hell happened

futaba: so uh akechi might be onto us

mishima: excuse me

ryuji: he effin

ryuji: strolled up all "hey the gang's all here" we're like "??what gang?? what are you talking about??" fucking fake smile face goes "oh well miss okumura is here, and like this dude from that other case, and weren't you two on the kamoshida case?" fucking

futaba: like oh hey what a coincidence

ryuji: i swear to fuck he threw a look at futaba i was just about ready to eat his face off

ryuji: like i know he was probably thinking medjed shit but FUCK i would've cut him clean in half if he'd kept that fucking look one moment more

haru: I mean, to be fair...

ryuji: what

haru: You did seem threatening enough that he wouldn't have kept looking even if he wanted to.

futaba: yeah thanks

ryuji: huh??

shiho: what did he do?

futaba: he planted his elbow on the table like he was gonna arm wrestle someone

ryuji: are yall trippin

ryuji: are we talking about me putting my arm on a table like is that really the topic of conversation rn

akira: subtle gestures speak volumes sometimes, ryuji

futaba: heart eyes

ryuji: okay that is definitely something to unpack at some other point of time please let's change the subject right now preferably

haru: If you so wish!

haru: Suzui-chan, Mishima-kun, where are you? It's been a while since you said you'd be coming!

mishima: there's like a line? right in front of the stairs?

mishima: i guess we'll circle around

mishima: we'll be right over get ready to tell us everything

 


	21. hopepunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in a stunning turn of events, things get straighter while still being pretty damn gay if i say so myself

ann: i WAS gonna sleep

ann: but then i couldn't stop thinking about how ryuji just let a man nearly die of takoyaki

ryuji: i would never

ann: just hours ago you were threatening to snap him in half

makoto: I believe it was "cut him clean in half."

ryuji: we can all scroll up thank you, ann, makoto

makoto: Are you in a bad mood? Is something troubling you?

ryuji: i guess i

ryuji: it's stupid

ann: yeah so am i but we don't talk about that

ryuji: what yall said earlier about like. the arm thing

ann: your intimidation tactics?

makoto: It was effective, yet subtle enough that you couldn't be called out on it.

ryuji: i dunno

ryuji: i don't know why i'm hung up about that

ryuji: let's talk about akechi again

makoto: We've exhausted the subject, I believe.

makoto: Besides, those kinds of conversations are better held in person.

makoto: What's bothering you, Ryuji?

ryuji: i dunno

ryuji: might be that im just nervous about akechi figuring us out or whatever

yusuke: No, I don't think that's the case.

yusuke: From the way you've been texting, it really does feel like something is bothering you.

ryuji: it's nothing

ann: oh

ann: oh ryuji is this really about what we said earlier?

ryuji: no that'd be stupid

ann: you're not scary, ryuji

ann: we're not scared of you

ann: it's. nice. that you'd do that for one of us

ann: we meant it as a compliment, i'm so sorry love, i didn't think you'd take it that way

makoto: Oh my God, is that it?

makoto: Ryuji no, we didn't mean that you are scary.

makoto: It's like, um.

yusuke: You know how you like to hold your shotgun one-handed during holdups? You look cool like that. And when I stand with you, doing the same, it feels good.

yusuke: But the Shadows must find you scary, yes? Find all of us scary. That's the point of a holdup.

yusuke: It's like that.

makoto: Yeah, like that.

ryuji: this wasnt a fucking hands up negotiation this was just an elbow on a table

ann: and yet you still did it, you amazing thief you

ryuji: i

ryuji: i don't want to look scary

ryuji: i don't want to act scary

ryuji: i don't want to make sudden moves or loud noises or dirty jokes because those are all scary things but i don't know how to exist any other way

ann: oh, love

ryuji: i don't want to scare you guys

futaba: hey

futaba: hey dude

futaba: you know how you did that because akechi was giving me a look

ryuji: yeah

futaba: that was scary he scared me

futaba: i thought hed figured it out i was about to break into trembling i am not kidding if he hadnt broken eye contact when he did i wouldve given us away as the pt

futaba: but you put a stop to that right quick and it was righteous as hell my dude

futaba: you were badass and i am fucking floored that you knew exactly what to do and exactly how to do it to get attention away from me and you pulled it off absolutely seamlessly

futaba: thank you ryuji

ryuji: uh, fuck

ryuji: not about the scary thing, y'all warmed my heart about that subject and i think all of my worries on that front have been murdered

ryuji: but futaba can i speak with you in dms real quick there is a sudden issue i would like gone

ann: that's not ominous or anything

makoto: I'm sure that whatever it is, it can be resolved over a private conversation or two.

yusuke: Knowing the two of them, I think one conversation would be enough.

makoto: I really am glad we could ease Ryuji's mind, though. It would not do for any of us to be nerve-wracked tomorrow at the panel.

ann: you, specifically! you're gonna be up there with whatshisface

makoto: You know Akechi's name.

ann: we need to find a more consistent insult

yusuke: Fake-smile-face was rather creative.

ann: i have seen sidewalk cracks more creative than that

yusuke: Do you have a better suggestion?

ann: i would if i weren't still reeling from the takoyaki incident

yusuke: I'm sure he must also still be reeling from it.

ann: lol get rekt

ryuji: we're back

ann: what up

makoto: Issue resolved?

futaba: in a manner of speaking

makoto: Anything you would like to share with the chat?

futaba: if ryuji wants to tell

ryuji: if you want to tell

futaba: what no way you tell it

ryuji: why would i tell it

futaba: you started it

yusuke: Just. Someone please say it, the muse beckons and I can't keep checking the chat all night.

ryuji: yusuke you've got competition

yusuke: I highly doubt that.

yusuke: What are we talking about?

futaba: naruto

yusuke: What does Naruto have to do w

yusuke: WHAT

futaba: :3c

yusuke: YOU DIDN'T

ryuji: i mean, not yet we didn't

ryuji: we literally just got done hashing it out in dms, so,,,,,,,

futaba: that was easily the quickest confession cutscene ever implemented

yusuke: I NEED BOTH OF YOU TO COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW

futaba: arent koseis gates closed already

yusuke: FUCK

yusuke: THE MUSE

ryuji: you have good visual memory you'll figure it out

yusuke: GUESS WHO'S NOT SLEEPING TONIGHT

ryuji: dude no go to sleep we have akechi business tomorrow

yusuke: Absolutely not. The muse takes priority and she is pulling at my hands right now, have a good night.

ryuji: gn try to get some sleep

futaba: those are my boyfriends

ann: i'm real happy for you two!

ann: are we gonna see some action tomorrow??

futaba: bold of you to assume i would ever survive pda

ryuji: rooftop?

ryuji: i really wanna

ryuji: like

ryuji: okay i'm not gonna say it, i don't wanna get banned

futaba: i guess ill have to see the rooftop first before i decide whether its okay

ann: i can go with you if you want!

futaba: id like that

futaba: wait what are you angling for

futaba: ann what are you angling for

ann: i think you know

futaba: yall

futaba: if you were this thirsty for me you could have just said so

ann: these are recent developments futaba i haven't always wanted to run both hands through your hair and see if pulling it does anything interesting

\-- MESSAGES HAVE BEEN BANNED! --

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


\--MESSAGES HAVE BEEN UNBANNED! --

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


makoto: Now, Futaba, why did the messages unban at four in the morning?

futaba: i could not risk unbanning them when any of you were awake to continue the conversation

ann: so how about futaba's hair pulling kink huh?

\-- USER ANN TAKAMAKI HAS BEEN BANNED! --

ryuji: i have been asked but not bribed to implore you to reconsider

futaba: what did she bribe you with

ryuji: what could a teenage boy ask from his girlfriend futaba really think about it

futaba: i will ban you also

ryuji: please don't

futaba: ugh

ryuji: pretty please?

futaba: how the FUCK do you do that how are you so SOFT when youre tough as nails and BADASS AS HELL and so fucking kind and the most vulgar person i have ever met

ryuji: manners mean nothing to me

ryuji: i am kind, not polite

akira: hopepunk

ryuji: haru is the most hopepunk person in this entire chat

akira: yeah "I want to fix what I can about a night that was wholly and cruelly terrible" still has me shookedeth to my core

futaba: do you just have that in your clipboard

akira: i copypasta'd it into my notes

futaba: valid

akira: great now unban ann

futaba: fine

futaba: but this is her final warning if she makes another joke like that we are breaking up

\-- USER ANN TAKAMAKI JOINED THE CHAT! --

ann: but we're not dating

futaba: yet

ann: yet

futaba: i will ask you out just to break up with you do not test me

ann: that is a serious threat! i will back off

futaba: thank you

futaba: btw is suzui still around

ann: nah she's already on the train back

ann: she prolly doesn't have reception during the train ride

futaba: weak

ann: it's a moving inter-city train

futaba: weak

makoto: So are you guys coming to the festival, or?

ann: you're already there?

makoto: The panel is today and I'd rather not have any more

makoto: Unexpected complications.

akira: we're just leaving leblanc we'll be right over

ann: i'll be a bit late

makoto: I will be here, but I will be unavailable until after the panel has finished, sorry.

ann: it's cool dont worry

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


shiho: i'm home!

shiho: is the panel done?

shiho: no?

shiho: okay tell me how it went once it's done!

shiho: im gonna get myself a shower

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


yusuke: So.

ann: so

yusuke: That happened.

shiho: what happened??

ann: shit went down

yusuke: Akechi knows. About us, I mean.

yusuke: He has evidence that he is blackmailing us with.

shiho: oh fuck

akira: yeah

shiho: what's he asking for?

ann: he wants to join us and take down a target he wants

ann: he has a persona apparently

shiho: what the fuck

yusuke: Indeed. Imagine our surprise.

shiho: who does he wanna take out?

makoto: My sister.

shiho: FUCK

makoto: Indeed.

shiho: so what now then????

ann: we dont know

ann: can i call you?

shiho: yeah shit

yusuke: For the record, I still don't want him on our side.

akira: i get you

makoto: My sister's corruption is one of the main reasons I joined the Thieves. This opportunity feels like an omen for me.

makoto: Like, yes, now is the time. Take the chance. Do it.

akira: i get you also

akira: and like he brought up a good point, right? we really cant afford to have her figure us out and she's real close

akira: but we cant trust the guy

makoto: And the fact that he asked that we disband after this heist...

yusuke: Yes. It seems there's no way we can make this work out for us.

akira: and its not like we can turn him down, either...

makoto: I suppose, ultimately, it's in your hands, Akira. As our leader, I will follow your decision no matter what it is.

yusuke: Likewise. We're with you to the end.

yusuke: But Makoto, understand that this goes for you too. It kills me that you hurt.

yusuke: You've told us how much your sister means to you.

yusuke: If helping her puts us in a vulnerable position, then so be it; for you, anything.

makoto: Thank you, Yusuke.

makoto: It saddens me that I wasn't there for the times when you were hurting.

makoto: I wish I could have helped you like you've helped me.

yusuke: You do not.

yusuke: You would not have stood for it.

yusuke: It was... terrible, Makoto, absolutely terrible.

yusuke: I'm glad you are spared at least that.

makoto: To be honest, I think you're right. From what I've heard, it would have killed me to see you in such a situation.

makoto: I understand why you don't want to take Akechi's offer. I want us all safe too, and it sounds like he's setting us up for at least three different traps.

makoto: I see your point of view, but I stand by mine.

yusuke: Me too. But I'm willing to relent, if that's what's truly for the best.

akira: you guys are not making this any easier

makoto: Apologies. It looks like we've left all the tough choices to you.

akira: it's fine i'll figure it out

akira: i guess i'll have another hours-long debate with morgana until the sun comes up

makoto: Won't he be trying to get you to sleep?

akira: we've stayed up all night debating before and i think it's about to happen again

makoto: Try to get at least a bit of sleep. Today was tiring.

akira: yeah you too

akira: gn

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now's a good time to mention that this is a bad end fic. yall know im not for angst so it's not for the sake of tragedy, i just wanted to end it before big spoiler times and there's the perfect device for a quick ending right there in canon, so whoops


	22. Heart of my stars?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's gettin gay again

akira: we managed to get some sleep

ryuji: how much?

akira: little over two hours

ryuji: that's not much

akira: i said some

ryuji: man and i wanted to hang out with you today

akira: you still can

ryuji: no you gotta catch up on that missing sleep

haru: Good morning!

ryuji: gm

akira: morning

haru: Would the two of you like to join me at my house, today, after school?

haru: Perhaps for the night?

ryuji: idk akira do you promise to fucking sleep if we go to haru's?

akira: ryuji no offense but if i have your chest or your arm for a pillow there is no way in holy hell that i'd be able to stay awake

ryuji: oh my heart

ryuji: my little heart

akira: haru it would be our pleasure

haru: Many thanks, gentlemen! I'll be sure to have the appropriate onesies prepared.

akira: i want the jack frost one

haru: Of course!

ryuji: i want the pikachu one

haru: Done and done, gentlemen! Anything else?

akira: hhhhhhhhhhh maybe not,,,,, gentlemen,,,,,,

haru: Consider it done, my love!

akira: thank you darling

ryuji: anything we can do for you, lady?

haru: I hesitate to ask, my dear, but can you come to school a little early? You're awake already, and I have some soil to carry up to the roof.

ryuji: i should be able to get there like a quarter early

ryuji: sure thing babe i'll be right there

haru: Thank you, dearest. <3

ryuji: anything for you <3

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


futaba: im gonna fucking barf what am i reading here

haru: What is the matter, Futaba-chan?

futaba: are you guys tryna give me cavities with this shit in our shared chat

ann: oh fuck you i enjoy those cavities

haru: Thanks.

haru: I didn't think it would bother you, Futaba-chan...?

futaba: its just too much

haru: Ah, my apologies, then.

haru: I'll be sure to tone it down when I invite everyone for a shared sleepover, dear.

futaba: do not

haru: Hm?

futaba: dont you dear me

haru: My darling? My love? Sweet of my heart? Heart of my stars? Stars of my sky? Why not?

futaba: cause i cant fucking handle it okay

futaba: so there i cant handle sexy shit and i cant handle sweet shit now lets talk about something else

haru: I say this with all the love in my heart, but if you want to take my nicknames from me, you're going to have to fistfight me for them.

ann: big same

haru: Thank you babe. Knew I could count on you! <3

futaba: thats not fair why does she get to be babe

haru: Isn't she?

ann: i am a babe

haru: She is.

haru: Would you like that too?

futaba: no forget it

haru: Sure thing, babe.

futaba: i lied dont fucking forget it holy shit do it again

haru: Hmmmmmmmm, I think not!

haru: It wouldn't do for you to grow immune to it right away, after all!

ann: god i love you so much

futaba: fuck

haru: <3

ann: <3

futaba: <3

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


mishima: and here we see a prime lesbiann

ann: i see your lesbiann and i raise you a pann

mishima: you are correct have a nice day

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


makoto: Suzui?

shiho: ye

makoto: Is your new school... better than Shujin?

shiho: what are you asking me

shiho: he's not here and he never was. of course it's better

makoto: Him aside...

shiho: you cant put him aside

shiho: i jumped off the damn roof, niijima

makoto: My apologies, I...

makoto: I should have fought to stop him.

shiho: dont

makoto: But it is partly my fault!

shiho: stop

makoto: I was your student council president too! Why couldn't I protect you?

shiho: ><><><><

futaba: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE STEP THE FUCK UP NO WHAT IS UP DUDE

mishima: niijima, back off!

mishima: i get it, okay? but the only one who ever got to do anything about it alone was ryuji

makoto: I'm sorry!

makoto: I should've stopped when you said so, I'm sorry Suzui.

futaba: YEAH YOU FUCKING SHOULD HAVE

mishima: yeah okay alright lets all chill out now

mishima: lets never talk about whose fault it was or who did what or whatever the fuck else okay?

mishima: ryuji threw a punch, shiho jumped, the thieves wrecked some shit, end of story

mishima: what you or i or anyone else could have done doesn't fucking matter bc none of what we did do made a fucking difference okay?

mishima: niijima, trying to apologize for something you didnt do so long after the fact is a dick move cause youre trying to make yourself feel better by reminding shiho of a shitty time, what the FUCK is wrong with you

futaba: STEP THE FUCK UP KYLE

mishima: sakura stop memeing you're just confusing us now

futaba: im helping

mishima: you're not

futaba: suicidal solidarity

mishima: step the fuck down kyle

ann: yeah, babe. it's chill. i personally attempted to kick makoto's ass back before she joined

futaba: whoa you did

ann: yea babe

ann: she's had her stern talking to, or whatever it is you think she needs to get right now

makoto: Thank you...

ann: now are we all chill, babes?

shiho: what a make love not war attitude of you!

ann: <3

futaba: hehe lovers arcana

ann: i have no idea what you're saying but yeahhhhh baby!

shiho: yeah baby! <3

futaba: <3

makoto: Um, <3

mishima: right uh <3

shiho: i'm alright, really.

shiho: give me those hearts

mishima: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

makoto: <3!

shiho: yuuki can i call you?

mishima: oh OH

mishima: fuck shit okay yeah lemme close the doors and stuff

futaba: salacious

mishima: fuck off <3

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


futaba: morganas asking if akira is in bed yet

haru: He is!

futaba: k

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


akira: wow backreading last night was a trip and a half

akira: a considerable percentage of thieves got some huh

ann: if we count our honorary thieves, yeah! <3

shiho: wh

shiho: us????

shiho: i get yuuki, but why me????

mishima: you're in the chat you can't escape

ann: i think what pleases me the most is that neither of you tried to deny that you got some

mishima: yeah no

shiho: i woudn't have bothered even if i wanted to

shiho: <3

akira: nice

akira: looks like we all had a good time then

mishima: but DID YOU catch up on that missed sleep

akira: yea and i think it was exactly what i was needing

akira: FOLKS THIEVES MEETING AT LEBLANC AFTER SCHOOL

ann: oh! you figured it out?

akira: yeah

akira: i think i just needed to rest up and maybe spend the night away from morgana to really evaluate his points

akira: the faster we do this meeting the faster we can move so we can delay it by a couple of hours if need be but for sure let's get it done today

ann: hell yeah, leader!

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


yusuke: I'll be about half an hour late. Please wait for me.

futaba: done

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


makoto: I'm leaving Shujin now. Have you guys started?

futaba: not yet

futaba: and yusuke said hed be late so dw wed be waiting either way

makoto: I see.

makoto: I'll be right there.

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  


ryuji: two sleepovers in a row babeyy

shiho: really?

ryuji: yeah the original thieves stayed behind at akira's so we're sleeping overl

shiho: nice!

shiho: how was the meeting?

ryuji: we're gonna work with akechi

ryuji: if nothing else, it'll at least let us dodge the more immediate threat of the evidence

shiho: sounds dangerous.......

ryuji: yeah

ryuji: but when hasn't it been

shiho: be careful, okay?

shiho: for me

ryuji: well shit now I gotta be careful

shiho: you should be careful all the time, not just when i'm being cute

ryuji: but you're cute all the time

shiho: stop dodging im serious here

ryuji: shiho

ryuji: please trust me

ryuji: ive been doing this for a long long time okay?

ryuji: so when i promise you a hug, it's not lightly. i intend to follow through

shiho: <333333

ryuji: <33

ann: <3

ann: them! im dating both of them!!!

mishima: oh hey same hat

ann: oh shit right you two did get together huh

mishima: we did

shiho: we did

ryuji: about effin time if you ask me

mishima: fine see if you ever get any action again

ryuji: there's no way you can keep me from getting some, i have way too many partners

mishima: i can recruit the ones that count

ann: yup

shiho: yup

akira: im in sure yup

ryuji: hey wait

ann: hmmmm??

ryuji: damn okay fine do whatever you want

ann: that's what i thought

ryuji: ugh

 


	23. That certainly is one way of putting it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> while writing this chapter i mentioned to a friend that i was writing polythieves and one of the immediate ships he named was futaba/makoto and like a gunshot i bolted with the freezing cold realization that i had not, in fact, written that.
> 
> i started my internship! this is my first time working 9 to 5 so im not sure what it's gonna do to my schedule

 

yusuke: Something just occurred to me.

ann: go on

yusuke: We'll be giving Akechi access to this chat, correct?

ann: uh huh

yusuke: Won't he read how distrusting we are of him? Won't he see that we only accepted his deal to give ourselves more time to find a way out of the corner he's backed us into?

ann: i think futaba's gonna do a thing

futaba: yeah imma make it so he cant read anything past three hours prior at any time

futaba: so were all gonna pretend like none of us can read anything from three hours prior got it

yusuke: Got it, yes.

futaba: dont worry

yusuke: I will.

ann: well, there's no need to. futaba's got this and it's not like we can add him in our actual thieves business chat

mishima: you have another thieves chat?

ann: you see any strategizing in this chat? we're not gonna dump that on you two

mishima: thank? you?

futaba: anyway meet tonight for akechi nonsense then add him in right

ann: right

yusuke: Right.

futaba: great

futaba: now we pretend to be all buddy buddy

yusuke: We have less than three hours before we meet with him, though. He'll see these, won't he?

futaba: he wont see anything from before he joined

yusuke: Amazing, what you can do with a simple chatting program.

futaba: oh you know its nothing

yusuke: It is quite something!

ann: it's like when yusuke does the art and we all go WHOA DUDE that's like when you do the hack and we all just go WHOA DUDE

yusuke: Is it really like that?

ann: YEAH

yusuke: Oh.

yusuke: Thank you, then.

futaba: yeah sure

mishima: yall are adorable you need to know this

futaba: fuck you

mishima: you goddamn wish

futaba: ew gross

yusuke: Speak for yourself.

ann: oho?? do we have some developments there?

yusuke: Mind your own.

mishima: INTERESTING

yusuke: Hush.

futaba: nope too late ive screenshotted this for posterity

yusuke: Futaba, we're breaking up.

futaba: youre saddled with me tall boy

yusuke: I wish I had it in me to regret it, but I appreciate you too much.

futaba: sjddalkhfkdshaadjf THIS CONVO IS CANCELLED

  


* * *

 

  


\-- USER AKECHI GORO HAS JOINED THE CHAT! --

akira: welcome to the chat

futaba: its a secure channel so dont you worry

futaba: you have the Futaba Safety Guarantee

futaba: oh also messages get deleted after three hours so if you dont catch something ask or stay confused forever

akechi: Very smart! I'll trust the security to you, then.

akechi: And I'm safe in assuming all the Phantom Thieves are here as well?

ryuji: sure

akechi: There seems to be more Thieves than I knew of, then.

ryuji: oh no those two aint thieves

ryuji: they're just kinda

ryuji: way too involved not to be in the chat

mishima: that's one way to put it

shiho: lmao sure

akechi: I don't believe I've met either of you! I'm Akechi Goro.

mishima: mishima's fine

shiho: suzui shiho

akechi: Ah, that name does sound familiar! But I can't put my finger on it.

shiho: the girl who jumped off shujin's roof

akechi: Oh.

akechi: I apologize, I shouldn't have mentioned anything.

ryuji: lets talk about literally anything else

ryuji: how bout that latest manga chapter right

futaba: real smooth skull

ryuji: shut up <3

akira: anyway, welcome to the chat, akechi

akira: this isn't exclusive to business, so you'll see quite a bit of pointless nonsense too

akechi: That makes sense. It would feel rather impersonal if it was only a place to talk shop.

akechi: You all are friends, are you not? Surely you'll want to chat more casually as well.

makoto: That certainly is one way of putting it.

akira: If you guys keep repeating that, it'll stop being effective.

makoto: Oh I'm sorry, leader, would you like to explain to Akechi here how exactly we are friends?

akira: Aw, but why take the fun from you <3

makoto: By all means.

akira: yeah we're dating

akechi: No yeah I gathered.

akira: All of us, I mean.

akira: Well not all to all but it's tangled enough that we can say we're all dating.

akira: I think Futaba has the least, right now?

futaba: guess again

makoto: There have been some developments.

ryuji: INTERESTING

ann: WHY WAS I NOT INVOLVED

makoto: Sometimes. Having others present for a confession. Is worse.

shiho: can't relate

akira: And that's why you're the one who has the least.

shiho: do i? i'm p sure im tied for last

mishima: on number of partners yeah but i've actually

mishima: nope nvm im not typing that out

shiho: GOOD

ann: i cannot beliEVE you'd even dare

ann: and you akira how dare

akira: i stand by it

mishima: wait do you not have me on last bc of the reason im implying or is this bc of the

mishima: the thing

mishima: with ryuji

ryuji: what th

ryuji: OH THE THING

akira: maybe :3c

mishima: god i fucking hate you

ryuji: its okay we love you too <3

akira: <3

mishima: you're insufferable <3

akechi: Is this how regular interaction usually goes?

futaba: more or less

futaba: lemme get the last two online so they can say hi

makoto: I'll get Haru, don't bother.

yusuke: I'm online already.

yusuke: Welcome to the chat, Akcehi. I'm sure our cooperation will be fruitful.

akechi: I am certain of that as well.

haru: Akechi! Hello! Welcome!

akechi: Hello!

akechi: It's good to be welcomed. Thank you, everyone!

haru: Let's make this a good job!

makoto: I mean, I'd sure hope so. That's my sister.

haru: Yes. The last thing we want is a repeat of the last job's ending.

akechi: So that wasn't your doing, after all?

yusuke: Indeed. You were right in supporting the possible involvement of a third party. We have no idea how things turned out the way they did.

akechi: It's good to know my theory was right, after all. But such misfortune...

haru: This time we'll keep our eyes peeled.

akira: With a group like this, there's no way we'll make any mistakes.

ann: yeah man were gonna get it done and were gonna look badass doing it!!!

ryuji: HELL YEAH

makoto: Thank you, everyone. It means a lot to me.

akechi: It means a lot to me, as well. This distortion of my friend and coworker pains me.

akechi: I want her safe.

yusuke: You mentioned there was another reason.

akechi: Not for Sae-san, specifically. More for the general idea of supporting your practices.

akechi: To take justice into my own hands, to make change through my own action... It hits close to home. It's selfish, but I can't help but crave it.

akechi: I can't help but admire your work, even though I don't condone it.

haru: Kind of an oxymoron, there.

akechi: Perhaps.

akechi: I admit I'm conflicted on the matter. Here I am, joining the Phantom Thieves that I so badly wanted brought to justice.

akechi: I have made up my mind on the course of action I will follow, but I can still have my doubts!

akira: As long as it doesn't affect your performance on the job, none of us really care what you think about our morals or whatever.

ryuji: yeah tbh your opinion is kinda low on the list

akechi: And that's fine, really.

ann: speaking of jobs tho, what even is your persona? it's got a name, right?

akechi: Indeed.

ann: mine's hecate

akechi: The Greek Goddess?

ann: ya

akechi: That sounds more sophisticated than mine. I'm afraid my idea of justice is rather simple...

akechi: It's Robin Hood.

ann: IDHLHAKDHF

ryuji: M GONNA EFFIN LOSE IT

ryuji: at least better than kinky right

akira: RYUJI SKULL SAKAMOTO I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD

ryuji: dude i'll give you head for free you don't gotta go feral

futaba: keep it pg guys we have a new guy were trying to impress

ryuji: are we tho?

ann: are we tho?

haru: Are we, though?

akira: we're definitely not trying to impress

akechi: Even if you were, I'm afraid that ship had sailed already.

ann: there see even akechi is telling us to get dirty

akechi: I didn't say that.

ann: do you expect a pg13 here?

akechi: Honestly? I'm surprised there haven't been any pictures exchanged yet.

yusuke: You only think that because you only have access to the group chat.

akira: yeah dms are kind of a separate deal

yusuke: No holds barred there.

ann: im naked right this moment

haru: Yes, we know. I doubt you only sent that to me!

akechi: Oh dear. I may have made a mistake.

futaba: welcome to the shithive

akechi: Yes, I... suppose that's one way of putting it.

  


* * *

 

  


haru: We have yet to have an onesie sleepover at my place.

ryuji: haru you know what you're absolutely right

makoto: It would be a good bonding event with Akechi. To welcome him.

akechi: I'm not sure how good of an idea that would be...

haru: Don't worry! My house is very large, I could host each of you in a separate room if I had to!

ryuji: aw come on but the fun is being in the same room

akechi: You don't mean all of us together, do you?

ryuji: i do

ryuji: why not?

makoto: Maybe Thieves only.

ryuji: i can ask them

akechi: That's not the issue here...

ryuji: dude, TELL me you're not the kinda person who thinks girls and boys should be separated in sleepovers

ryuji: lie if you have to

akechi: No, of course not. It's only that, by gathering the entire group at the same location, you're becoming a target.

akechi: You do realize I found you guys out because too many people related to Phantom Thieves cases kept hanging out together?

haru: I am beyond caring for such nonsense. You have already found us out, it can't get much worse. So I invite you to join us, just as we invited you to join our team.

haru: If our deal holds, this'll be our last job together, will it not?

haru: So you're the last person to find us out.

akechi: The first and the last? Eerie.

makoto: No, Futaba was the first.

ryuji: technically you were the first, makoto

makoto: Was I?

ryuji: ehhh kinda. you got that recording and everything

makoto: That was technically illegal.

ryuji: yeah well futaba's mics in leblanc weren't any more legal

haru: Are you two sure you should be discussing this with Akechi present?

akechi: I'm not the police.

akechi: And if we're going down that path, those pictures I took of you were...

akechi: Well, technically they were legal, since I took them as evidence for an active investigation.

akechi: But the spirit of them was foul.

akechi: And anyway I don't care much about that.

haru: You don't?

akechi: No, not really.

akechi: Mostly I'm disappointed that I wasn't the first to figure you out. And to think that the group had to get this large for me to find out... There were fewer of you before Niijima-san and Sakura-san, and they still got you.

makoto: We just got lucky.

ryuji: did you? not so much of a coincidence, we go to the same school

makoto: Yeah well.

ryuji: i'll say it

ryuji: futaba got lucky

futaba: are you talking shit about me skullboy

akechi: Skullboy?

ryuji: oh right, code names

ryuji: for when we're there

ryuji: im skull

akechi: Skull, huh? Pretty badass.

ryuji: thanks it's just the mask i happened to get

akechi: Oh? Interesting.

akechi: Mine looks like a bird's beak.

haru: Oh! Is it a plague doctor mask?

akechi: Haha, not quite. It doesn't cover my mouth.

haru: Mine is black! My code name is Noir.

futaba: oracle

futaba: not cause of my mask tho thats dumb

futaba: its cause im a navigator and i cant fight so a navi is all i am

akechi: What a clear definition!

akechi: What about you, Niijima?

makoto: My code name is Queen.

akechi: Is that so? How come?

makoto: I'm not too sure. I didn't pick it.

makoto: I suppose it might be because I provide tactical support during battle. I'm not as much a strategist as our leader, but it seems to be enough to lend to a nickname.

makoto: Or maybe it was just the first thing that popped into Mona-chan's mind because I style my hair with a braid crown.

makoto: Also, Ryuji liked it.

ryuji: hey

makoto: He really liked it.

ryuji: HEY

akechi: I see.

akechi: Mona-chan?

haru: Mona-chan is Akira's cat! He's actually a human, but something messed him up in the Metaverse and now he's stuck in this form and without any memories.

haru: When we're on the other side, he can change forms! It's quite a sight to behold.

futaba: mona says thanks

haru: He's welcome!

akechi: He can speak, too? And you can hear him?

futaba: yeah anyone whos been in the metaverse can hear him but everyone else just hears meowing

akechi: Odd. Perhaps it's a defensive mechanism of the Metaverse?

akechi: I wonder what my code name should be. What's everyone else's?

ryuji: ann's panther cause she got a cat mask and tail, yusuke's fox cause he got a fox mask and tail

akechi: Oh.

akechi: And Kurusu?

ryuji: joker

futaba: joker

makoto: Joker.

haru: Joker.

akechi: Joker?

ryuji: he has a domino mask

haru: He's rather charming in his Thief outfit!

akechi: Hmmm, so most everyone picked their code names based on appearance. Perhaps I should do the same, then...?

haru: By all means!

makoto: We don't know what your outfit is like, apart from the mask. You can take your time thinking about it, or we can figure it out when we go to my sister's palace and we see you.

akechi: Maybe it'd be more organic to do the latter. I feel like such an outsider, having to have everything explained...

makoto: Nonsense, so far you've only asked us things that are specific to our particular group. You couldn't possibly know that. I'm sure you'll figure the Metaverse out easily enough.

akechi: Thank you, that does make me feel a little better.

ryuji: so name on the spot, right? we all got our codes just a bit after we awakened, so it was mostly rushed naming

futaba: eh we did okay

ryuji: could've done a lot worse oh man

ryuji: oh btw akechi, whatever you do, don't comment on anyone's outfits in there, got it?

akechi: I'm not in the habit of commenting on people's appearances in general, I'm sure I'll be able to contain myself.

ryuji: okay good

futaba: thinking about ann arent we

futaba: hehehehe

ryuji: dude, shut the fuck up, i'm a good boyfriend

futaba: sure you are

ryuji: are you sure you want to argue this point in a group chat futaba because i have no shame and i will spill everything if you give me half an excuse to do so

haru: Oh? What is there to spill?

ryuji: yeah futaba what is there to spill

futaba: NO

haru: Please, do tell!

ryuji: if you insist

futaba: DONT YOU DARE

haru: I will not insist, then.

haru: On one condition!

futaba: damn it

futaba: okay fine name your price

haru: We shall have a Phantom Thieves sleepover with onesies at my house after our first infiltration of Sae Niijima's Palace!

futaba: deal

ryuji: hell yeah

makoto: That's actually a good idea, Haru. That way we'll be sure to already have everyone present without having to clear out a second day on our schedules.

haru: I can even arrange for everyone to get lifts to school tomorrow!

haru: And a lift home, for Futaba-chan.

akechi: I'm still not sure about the sleepover idea...

makoto: It will be fun, I promise.

futaba: oh wait

futaba: its not an euphemism dude dw

akechi: That... was not what I was worried about.

futaba: suuuuuuuure it wasnt

ryuji: wait shit did we say infiltration tonight

makoto: Yes, Ryuji.

ryuji: oh eff i forgot

makoto: I believe it will only be a quick one. Just to get the layout.

ryuji: yeah with yusuke and out two navs in the team we'll only need to be there for like ten minutes before we have the full layout right

makoto: We'll have to figure out the keywords first.

akechi: There will be a lot of heads thinking together, so we're bound to make quick work of...

akechi: Keywords?

akechi: Oh, for the MetaNav.

makoto: See? It's easy enough to figure out, for a detective such as yourself.

akechi: Thank you.

akechi: I need to go, but I'll see you all tonight.

  


* * *

 

  


ann: so

akechi: So.

ann: crow

mishima: crow?

akechi: My code name.

ann: cause he wears all white

mishima: huh?

ann: i don't know either

mishima: how's your sleepover going?

ann:

mishima: hella

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at [these tweets,](https://twitter.com/hawberries_/status/1140269276760137729) cute art and cute eeveelution/thief matchups


	24. an ADULT??? in the PHANTOM THIEVES???

akechi: It has occurred to me that I don't know Mishima-san's first name.

mishima: good, then

akechi: Is it something bad?

shiho: oh leave him alone akechi

akechi: I won't push. It just occurred to me.

mishima: good

mishima: then

shiho: don't be like that

mishima: i'm fine

shiho: are you tho

mishima: how was the sleepover everyone

akechi: Oh, they're all still asleep.

akechi: Except for Sakura-san. I think she might be awake. I'm not sure...

shiho: how come you're up then

akechi: I have to go to the station before school.

akechi: If I'm lucky, I'll catch Sae-san as she comes in for work.

akechi: We went into her Palace yesterday, just for a little bit. It was... worrisome, in many ways.

akechi: I hope speaking with her this morning will put me back at ease.

shiho: let's hope so, yeah

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


akechi: That was even more worrisome.

makoto: What happened?

akechi: I tried to start casual conversation and she would only respond in monosyllables. I had to offer her coffee before she'd consider talking to me.

makoto: That doesn't sound like her.

makoto: Maybe I should've been home last night.

akechi: I asked her about you as if I didn't know where you were. She didn't seem particularly concerned with your whereabouts.

makoto: I suppose not...

akira: man that sucks

akira: if futaba hadn't been home all night i'd be yanking all my hair off along with sojiro

futaba: if im not home all night its prolly cause im with you

haru: Yeah, I was gonna say. She wasn't home last night, and you were with her, Akira-kun.

akira: oh ugh i guess im not the brother in the situation

akira: man we suck so bad at being siblings. what the hell were we thinking?

futaba: idk you said it first

akira: and why did you let me go with it? do you know how many makeouts we've missed bc of this shit?

futaba: DLJSGJDKDLKHSGHL AKIRA

akira: dont boo me im right

haru: Hm... Indeed, now that I think about it, I can't seem to recall an occasion that had you two interacting with sibling-like behavior!

haru: If I had to guess, I'd say it must be because of Boss-san.

akira: yeah coffee dad

akira: oh well. father-in-law is still a father figure

futaba: AKIRA IM GONNA PERISH

haru: Did Boss-san know that you'd be gone for the night?

akira: yeah we told him. barely took any convincing

futaba: when we said that mona would be there to keep us safe he didnt ask any more questions

haru: Makes sense! I would worry about the safety of no one, if Mona-chan were there.

haru: What about you, Mako-chan? Had you told your sister?

makoto: Yes. She wasn't particularly against the idea either, since I framed it as a study session that was planned to turn into a sleepover.

akira: nice

makoto: But I doubt she would've objected much in general. I'm an adult, she's not too worried about me anymore.

akira: you're WHAT

makoto: Akira, no.

akira: AN ADULT?????

makoto: Yes, Akira, sometimes teenagers grow into adults.

akira: an ADULT??? in the PHANTOM THIEVES???

akechi: I am also 18.

akira: T W O ADULTS??????

haru: I only have a few weeks left!

akira: WHAT IN THE ENTIRE F U C K

makoto: We hate to burst your bubble, Akira, we really do. But get it the fuck together.

akira: that's IT you two are FIRED

akira: haru you can stay but youre on thin ice

akira: NO adults in my thieves!

haru: I guess I shall start packing my stuff!

makoto: It's too late now, you can't get rid of us.

akira: I can try!

makoto: Can you? You had your tongue down my throat just minutes ago. Are you sure you want me gone?

akira: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ugh okay fine

akira: We're breaking up the Thieves anyway, ugh.

futaba: there there

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: fools what is a good coffee to get

akira: get it black you coward

akechi: Don't bother making yourself suffer like an idiot, get a latte mocha.

akira: that's not even coffee at that point you might as well order chocolate milk

shiho: nvm fools are no help at all

shiho: babes what coffee should i get

ann: almond milk

ryuji: coffee is gross get a soda

mishima: cream and one sugar

shiho: k 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: i got almond milk and one sugar so ann and yuuki win

mishima: <3

ann: <3

 

 

 


	25. keep it the fuck decent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the chat is not kept decent and i throw akechi to the wolves

 

akira: fellas is it gay if i see some absolute territory and i just want to put my mouth there

haru: Everything's gay with you, dear!

futaba: keep it the fuck decent akira

akira: i'm talking about you

futaba: CHAT CANCELLED

akira: aw but why

futaba: YOU KNOW THE FUCK WHY

haru: Akira-kun...

akira: fine, fine, i'll keep the chat decent. i didnt mean to fluster you like that

futaba: IM NOT FLUSTERED SHUT UP

akira: i'm shutting up! i'm shutting up. the chat is safe.

akira: but if you want to stay over after leblanc closes then we could look into how gay it can get while the chat remains pure

haru: Get it, babes!

futaba: C A N C E L L E D

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ryuji: i will beg. i will literally beg. please send me some pictures.

akira: get your own

ryuji: PLEASE

akira: i would much rather slit open my own throat than attempt to take pic of futaba rn

ryuji: IM DYING

akira: GET YOUR OWN

futaba: i can get you some pics of akira if you want

akira: yeah i can work with that

ryuji: PLEASE

futaba: damn you a thirsty ho huh

ryuji: you're telling me this? you, of all people? you're judging my thirst?

ryuji: at least i get some on the regular

futaba: say bye to these pics

akira: you brought this to yourself

shiho: hey folks, it's me. today im looking at this chat and trying to find where the alleged pureness is

futaba: it doesnt count if im the one doing it

ryuji: it does and one of these days we're gonna get to go wild and you won't stop us

futaba: sure keep dreaming

akechi: You mean to tell me this isn't even going wild?

shiho: i know right

ryuji: aw honey. awwwwwwww honey. aw honey. honey aw.

ryuji: you think this is wild?

akechi: Rather.

ryuji: i am so fucking tempted to flirt with you in the meanest way possible but i won't bc my good girlfriends are watching

shiho: good girlfriends?

ryuji: you and futaba couldn't beat me up

futaba: couldnt or wouldnt

ryuji: both

futaba: implying ann makoto or haru would beat you up

ryuji: hey futaba check your dms real quick. no reason.

futaba: WOW OKAY

futaba: YOURE OUTING YOURSELF NOW HUH

ryuji: beat you to it

akira: no hold on how would you flirt with someone meanly how the FUCK can you be flirty and mean at the same time

ryuji: ask me how this isnt the wildest

akira: This isn't even your wildest?

ryuji: if your knees are up for it you can come over here and i'll show you my wildest

akira: WOW OKAY you're just gonna snatch my wig like that huh

ryuji: i started typing it out when akechi asked. be glad i didn't hit send then

akechi: I am glad in his stead.

akira: Aw, what's the matter, Crow? Jealous?

akechi: Of you? Please.

akechi: Sakamoto was right to characterize that as the meanest kind of flirting. I personally would call it something much uglier, but I can see why you wouldn't want to call it something like that in this chat.

shiho: bitch

ryuji: bitch

akechi: Excuse me?

ryuji: did just fucking call me a harrasser

shiho: are you so fucking dumb to think ANYONE in this chat wouldn't call shit out for sexual harrassment

shiho: and did you fucking DARE to compare what ryuji said to that

shiho: bitch?

akechi: Oh, do enlighten me.

ryuji: i fucking ASKED

ryuji: i fucking ASKED akira to set up the joke for me

ryuji: and it's motherfucking AKIRA

ryuji: he's my goddamn datemate if i want to talk dirty to him then i damn well will

akira: did you not read the part where i asked ryuji to elaborate, akechi? or did you conveniently skip over that on your way down to bitchtown?

shiho: i thought you were some big shot detective, did you or did you not find the thieves out because you realized they were all connected to the cases? did you not fucking stop to consider that three of them were literally in the first one?

ryuji: point, and you fucking KNOW shiho and yuuki are in this chat too. who the fuck do you think you're talking to??

akechi: I stand corrected, it seems.

akechi: I had assumed you all banded together through a shared sense of trauma and helplessness, but it seems you don't lack in anger as well.

akechi: Perhaps I have misjudged you, in the past.

akechi: I apologize, Sakamoto. I was wrong to imply such a thing.

ryuji: whatever man as long as you get it

akechi: I had been thinking of it in a different context. You said what you said to Kurusu, but mentioning that you would've said it to me made me a little nervous, and I may have gotten a bit defensive.

ryuji: oh dude no sorry i didnt mean it like that

ryuji: id never like,,,,, say or do something like that if i wasn't sure it'd be well received

akechi: So it would seem.

akechi: And you are correct in that you did ask first.

akechi: I won't bother you with a second apology. Let's talk about something else.

ryuji: hold on

ryuji: ladies we good?

akira: im good

shiho: gimme like five minutes

ryuji: take your time

futaba: im still here am i included in this vibe check

ryuji: ya of course

futaba: im good

ryuji: akechi you good?

akechi: Yes? As thoughtful and touching as this interaction is, I don't see how you'd need to ask me if I'm good. I was the one who started it, wasn't I?

ryuji: all the more reason to ask! you took part in the fight

akechi: That was a fight?

ryuji: you made a lot of us real mad real fast, yeah it was a fight

akechi: I see.

akira: ryuji you good?

ryuji: not sure. let me eat some chips and i'll let you know

akira: do you still want these pics

ryuji: save them for another time

futaba: sure

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ryuji: i am good babes

akira: im p sure im the only one left

ryuji: i literally just ate some chips what happened to everyone

akira: an alien took them

ryuji: futaba, give them back

futaba: jokes on you its prometheus now

akira: oh there she is

akira: what up

futaba: are any adults watching

ryuji: suddenly im back in my room i guess

ann: hello

futaba: did you really just call ann to log on

akira: im a good boyfriend

futaba: everyones taking their boyfriend duties super seriously lately and i dont trust that

ann: i did them a favor the other day and they're still trying to make up for it

futaba: what favor

ann: a girlfriend favor

futaba: eyes emoji

ann: the favor includes not telling anyone about it

futaba: i like that they both stopped responding once you mentioned it

ryuji: SO WHATS UP FUTABA

futaba: right yeah so i was checking on some porn

ann: what do you mean you were "checking on" some porn

ann: like are you friends with it, do you just pop in from time to time to see how it's doing?

yusuke: Why did you call me?

yusuke: Oh. Forget I asked.

yusuke: Do go on.

futaba: did you literally just call him for this

akira: yes

akira: im contemplating haru but im pretty sure that if i invite her, the rest of the third-years will follow

futaba: ah yes of course because suddenly we care that we have adults in the chat

ryuji: you did ask if any adults were watching

yusuke: Is there a point to any of this?

futaba: right right yeah

futaba: so i was looking through some porn and my question is why do they bother to pixelate peoples junk

futaba: like WHAT could possibly be there

futaba: or do they really think that censoring it suddenly makes it sfw

ryuji: that's what ive been asking for years!!

ryuji: like what does that even accomplish???? why??? what's the point???

futaba: especially when its like a super closeup shot of it right

ryuji: right!!

akira: shots that go all the way up in someone's junk are the worst ugh

ann: idk i kinda like them sometimes

futaba: or shots that focus on someones face what the fuck is up with that

akira: right like do i LOOK like i wanted a portrait of someone looking wrecked? gimme the juicy stuff

ann: i like those too

ryuji: i cant believe akira and futaba have the same taste in porn shots

futaba: also what the shit is up with porn plots

akira: oh man i love me a whack porn plot

futaba: this is where we part ways

ryuji: tbh i never got the point of a plot in porn. like?? just get to it?? i clicked on this vid bc i saw that it was ten minutes long, why are you making me skip through seven of them

ann: i'm pretty sure setup should be short enough that you won't actually get bored watching it.... that's just bad directing

ann: in fact if you're gonna bother with a setting at all, make it easy to tell through costume or prop or decor! those should be more than enough

futaba: youre such a model

akira: yeah god that's so valid

ann: <3

ryuji: yusuke what's your artist's take on this

ryuji: porn plots: yay or nay?

yusuke: I believe I have not watched enough porn to be a fair judge of that.

yusuke: Or maybe it's that I just skip over the plot so much that I've never bothered to think there even is one.

yusuke: I'll have to say nay. Like you said, porn is, for the most part, enjoyable for the pure sexuality of it, not for any of the other artforms that usually go into fim making.

yusuke: I do think a porno can be art, but in that case I wouldn't be watching it to get off, I'd just be appreciating the effort and the result. We're talking about getting off here, aren't we?

ryuji: yeah

ryuji: that is indeed what we're talking about in this fine chat isnt it

futaba: wait

ryuji: you know what that means?

yusuke: Yes.

futaba: waiT WAIT FUCK

ryuji: TOO LATE NOW YOU LET THIS CHAT GET DIRTY AND NOT ONLY DID YOU LET US RUN WILD BUT YOU PARTICIPATED

futaba: IT DOESNT COUNT IF I DO IT

akechi: I'm scared to ask what I just walked in on.

ann: i guess we're getting exposed folks it was nice knowing you

akira: no shame i will continue this conversation myself if i have to

akechi: Are you guys seriously sharing tastes in pornography?

ryuji: "tastes in pornography" jfc get off your high horse man, and join in

ryuji: porn plots: yay or nay

akechi: I'll have to side with Takamaki and Kitagawa.

ann: THANK you

ryujI: censoring?

akechi: I see no point to it. In fact, I find it off-putting.

akechi: Especially when it's so crude as to censor one person's face, but not another's.

ann: oh right FUCK i HATE that

ryuji: that's the absolute worst

futaba: ughhhhhhhhhhh

akira: oh my fucking god yeah like is there a more obvious way of saying that you didn't fucking ask before you put the video up??

yusuke: I have to admit that it's incredibly disquieting.

ryuji: setting through acting or prop work?

ann: prop

akira: acting

ryuji: neither, fuck setting

futaba: prop

yusuke: Both.

akechi: Both.

futaba: how about vids that cut off before anyone comes

ann: boo, nay

ryuji: eh, it's me i'm trying to get off, not the actors. i can just click on the next vid

akira: i don't care really

akira: and they have to make money by getting you to click on more stuff so good for them

yusuke: I suppose it would depend on how the cut is made. An artful cut might elevate the quality of the work, but it would be just as easy to make a terrible cut.

akechi: I am officially signing off on this conversation.

yusuke: This is the kind of cut I would call terrible, for example.

akechi: What? Why?

yusuke: You were only here for such a short while that if you left now, it would feel like you weren't here at all. Or worse, like you only logged in to read through our porn habits before the three-hour limit purged it all.

akechi: Oh, that does sound pretty bad.

akechi: But I'm afraid I'm not as comfortable as you guys are, talking about something like this.

ryuji: s ok dude don't worry about it

ryuji: you don't have to say anything you dont want to

akechi: Thank you.

ann: what do yall usually look up when you're looking for porn? cause i can just search lesbians and i'll be there

akira: will you though

akira: every time i look up lesbians i have to go cryptid hunting bc somehow all the top results are always terrible

ann: ugh yeah

ann: like, i can see your acrylics from the thumbnail, who do you think you're fooling

akira: or when it's like "hold my hair" and that's supposed to be hot?? like?? put it up if it's a bother or ask for it to get pulled if you have a kink for that??? why hold it up???

futaba: oh my god the absolute worst is when theyre trying to make eating out look sexy for the camera like BITCH both of those parts go inwards it is not a photogenic activity

ann: i found the peak of dumbassery recently and i literally turned my entire computer off when i came across it

ann: the vid was going decently until one of the ladies tried going down on the other and she just. stuck her tongue out and licked horizontally along the other's pubic bone? like not ever teasing around her clit, she was just going for that woman's lack of pubes

ann: while making terrible, broken eye contact with the camera, might i add, and politician-smiling all the while

ann: it was absolutely horrid

ryuji: i got goosebumps just reading that, it sounds like a nightmare

ann: it was

futaba: well im thoroughly turned off now

ann: sorry but if i had to suffer then so do you

futaba: fuck you

ann: you can and it'll be great

futaba: i changed my mind

ryuji: i'll fuck you ann

akira: i'll fuck you ann

yusuke: I'll fuck you, Ann.

ann: i'll take yusuke

yusuke: Lovely!

ryuji: is this still about the favor

ann: yes

ann: babe do you wanna come over right now? you might be able to catch the last train

yusuke: I'm actually close to the station, as it happens. I'd be glad to come over now.

ann: oh great! i'll be waiting!

yusuke: <3

ann: <33333

ryuji: deep sigh

ryuji: hey akira futaba can i get those pics now

futaba: ill dm them to you

ryuji: thanks

akira: akechi you there?

akechi: Yes.

akira: We didn't scare you off or anything, right?

akira: I swear this isn't usually what the chat is like.

ryuji: debatable

akira: We don't have a habit of going this explicit.

ryuji: oh true that

futaba: i usually try to keep the chat pure just cause i get flustered easily

ryuji: plus shiho and yuuki, you know?

akechi: I understand.

akechi: It might have made me uncomfortable, but I can see how this may be a fun conversation to have with one's datemates.

akechi: Thank you for trying to include me, even if I was not very prepared for it.

futaba: ok hand emoji

ann: just send the emoji

futaba: shrug emoji

ann: dont type it out

futaba: cry laughing emoji

ann: we are breaking up

futaba: sadface emoji

ann: somebody help me here

akechi: You're on your own.

ryuji: yeah this is too hilarious

ann: i am breaking up with you as well

ryuji: you wouldn't dare

ann: wouldn't i? give me one good reason

ryuji: this dick

ryuji: HA

futaba: DAMN IT

ryuji: I WAS FASTER THIS TIME HAAAAA

futaba: ILL BAN YOU DONT THINK I WONT

ryuji: but i'm such a good boy!

futaba: you are not

ryuji: am not what

futaba: ugh

ann: oh don't say it, please leave him hanging

ryuji: ann i changed my mind we're breaking up

ann: well now i've changed my mind too

yusuke: I am begging you two to stop.

ann: no

ryuji: no

yusuke: Do you want to fuck or not?

ann: wow okay i guess im fucking ryuji instead

yusuke: Why instead? There's room for three in your apartment.

akira: for four?

ryuji: yeah for four? please?

futaba: oh my god oh my god oh my god

futaba: for five

futaba: ?

ryuji: OH MY GOD

akira: OH MY GOD

ann: OH MY GOD

futaba: SHUT UP IM FREAKING OUT ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU GUYS FREAKING OUT TOO

yusuke: I feel like I'm having a stroke - Futaba, you mean it?

yusuke: Right now?

yusuke: With all of us?

futaba: i mean

futaba: if

futaba: if you guys want to

yusuke: We do! We really do!

akira: yeah yeah yeah yeah

ryuji: IT'S HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM

ann: CAN YOU GUYS MAKE THE LAST TRAIN

yusuke: I'm almost at your place, Ann.

ryuji: FUCK i can ask my mom to take me??

akira: we can ask sojiro???

futaba: akira i will literally die if you dare to ask my dad to drive us to our girlfriends house for a fuck

ryuji: i'll tell ma to swing by leblanc so we can pick you up

futaba: oh my god oh my god oh my god

futaba: do i need to bring anything

futaba: snacks extra clothes underwear condoms

akechi: Condoms are typically common practice.

futaba: youre still here

ryuji: what, you wanna join?

akechi: Not for love or money.

akira: that's a you problem, ryuji get going

akira: futaba do bring extra undies. a toothbrush too, if you want? clothes optional, you can borrow ann's

ann: wow rude you're not even gonna ask me before you lend out my jammies

akira: ann would you like to see our girlfriend looking tiny in your own clothes?

ann: you know the way to my heart

ryuji: WE'RE GOING

ann: WAIT what did you tell your ma

ryuji: that you're not feeling well so me and a bunch of friends are coming over to your house to have a movie marathon and a sleepover

ryuji: but i think she saw through me. she knows me too well

akechi: How would you know?

ryuji: "yeah so, that's why i need you to drive us." "You and Akira, hm?" "and futaba, you know, boss' daughter." "Uh-huh." "what?" "Oh, nothing. Take your toothbrush with you, honey. And be careful, be smart, I love you. I'll get the car. Meet you downstairs."

ryuji: the combination of toothbrush careful and smart makes me think that she was telling me to grab protection on my way out.

akechi: Ah, I see.

futaba: im outside leblanc

akira: dont you have keys

futaba: i forgot them

futaba: i was looking for my cutest underwear

ann: which isssssss?

yusuke: Which is?

futaba: i went with plain black panties

ann: oh big same

ryuji: OK WE'RE ALMOST THERE TO GET YOU

 

 


	26. Give her a little kiss for me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we be soft in this house tonight ladies

 

makoto: I sleep early one time, and I miss this.

akechi: You see it?

makoto: Ann sent me some screenshots before the three-hour mark. Usually Futaba is the one to take and share anything even remotely embarrassing, but it seems she was too flustered this time.

makoto: Or maybe distracted, hehe.

akechi: I must say, it was almost scary to watch. Organized and put into action so quickly...

makoto: Well, we are quite the number, so when so many agree on what to do at the same time, it's important to jump at the opportunity before anyone's mood changes.

akechi: Still. Admirable.

makoto: Thank you. It's deliberate and it takes a lot of effort.

akira: you know what takes a lot of effort

akira: this dick

akira: ryuji's asleep

makoto: Good morning.

akechi: Good morning, Kurusu.

akira: Morning.

makoto: I'm sure Ryuji appreciates the dick lovin even though he's not here.

akira: He sure did appreciate it last night.

makoto: Nice!

akechi: Is Sakamoto the only one who gets an honorable mention?

makoto: Ryuji is just the one who brags about it the most.

akira: I mean, I would brag about my own dick if I had one.

makoto: Or you can just come out like that, sure.

akira: Hey Akechi, I'm genderfluid.

akechi: I don't care.

akira: Good.

makoto: So was everything alright yesterday?

akira: Ryuji's ma definitely saw through us.

makoto: RIP.

akechi: R.I.P.

akira: Thanks.

akira: Sup with you guys?

makoto: Sis looks very tired this morning. Right now she's dissociating by the coffee machine.

makoto: I think I'll grab her coffee while she's still like that and bring it to the table so she has no choice but to sit with me and eat.

akechi: That sounds like a good plan.

akira: Yeah, go for it.

makoto: Right.

akechi: But I do feel like this is a good time to ask when we are next making a move.

akira: I can't today. I have plans.

akira: But tomorrow should work. So if you can clear out the day, do that.

akechi: Hm, it might be tough... But for Sae-san, I'll manage.

mishima: morning

akira: Morning, my dear.

akira: whats up

mishima: the baby didnt cry at all last night so i got a blessed full 7 hours

akira: nice!

akechi: Nice!

mishima: what's up with you

mishima: oh you're moving tomorrow? i don't have any phansite requests

akira: that works for us. we can focus on sae

akechi: Phan-site requests?

akira: As admin, Mishima combs through the Phan-site comments for any requests for changes of hearts that we might be able to do.

akechi: Changes... of Hearts?

akira: It's our M.O.

akira: It's probably best to see it in action. Phan-site requested targets usually don't have Palaces, so they're much quicker to do than Sae is going to be. We just have to find them.

akira: Sae's Palace looks tough, so it will probably take us long enough to finish that we can do a Phan request or two.

mishima: i'll keep an eye out

akira: <3

akechi: I didn't really get all of that, but I'll trust that I'll see it happen at some point.

akechi: I have to go.

akira: Right yeah I have to wake up Yusuke.

mishima: are yall still at ann's?

akira: yeah

akira: i think i'll leave morgana with futaba, just cause she's gonna have to take part of the transport by herself

mishima: giving her a guide

akira: hehehehe a navi for navi

mishima: hehehehe

akira: yusuke: awoken

mishima: shouldn't you wake up everyone else too

akira: how do you think i woke him up?

mishima: ,,,,,,,,,,,banging pots and pans?

akira: cute but no

mishima: bj

akira: closer

mishima: tickling

akira: yeah it was tickling

mishima: a legend

yusuke: I am at the station and I am not happy.

akira: dw love we forced some food on him before he left

mishima: i wasnt worrying

akira: sure

yusuke: Curse the dorm room sizes at Kosei.

yusuke: We could have done this at my dorm, and I wouldn't have to wake up this early or leave you all so soon.

yusuke: Hell, Futaba could probably stay the whole day at my dorm!

akira: patrols

yusuke: Point but she could hang out at Kosei.

akira: point

mishima: is she awake?

akira: barely

yusuke: Give her a little kiss for me.

akira: you kissed her before you left

yusuke: Kiss her again.

akira: Done.

yusuke: Did you mention that it was from me?

akira: ye

yusuke: Good.

futaba: hey inari

futaba: '3'

yusuke 'ε'

mishima: the fuck is that

akira: it's a smooching emoji

mishima: no i know that i meant the character

yusuke: It's an epsilon.

mishima: wow i hate it

yusuke: That sounds like a you problem.

akira: she passed back out

yusuke: Kiss her again.

akira: i think i'm gonna tickle her

yusuke: Don't you dare.

yusuke: Akira she's actually ticklish.

yusuke: Don't do it, Akira.

yusuke: Akira.

yusuke: Akira she won't react like I did she's actually ticklish.

yusuke: ONE OF YOU WILL DIE AKIRA DONT DO IT

yusuke: THERE WILL BE CASUALTIES AND IM NOT READY TO BE DOWN A GIRLFRIEND

futaba: you are down a girlfriend

yusuke: NO

futaba: rip akira you were an okay leader

yusuke: SAY IT AINT SO

futaba: fine she was a better than average leader

yusuke: FUTABA

akira: stop telling people im dead

yusuke: Akira!

futaba: sometimes i can still hear her voice

akira: boo

futaba: AH

yusuke: Ah!

mishima: AH

akira: i'm here to haunt you

akira: with memories of how good that fuck was last night

futaba: NOPE NONE OF THAT go back to being dead

yusuke: Aw, come on.

futaba: NO

akira: fine

yusuke: Are you all awake yet? It's getting late-ish.

akira: yeah we're almost ready to go

futaba: i cant find mona

akira: i have him

futaba: HAND HIM OVER

akira: oh shit right yeah

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: oh to be young and unaware of cruelty

haru: Oh, to be loved, and untouched by violence.

makoto: Oh, to be soft, and to remain that way.

ryuji: oh to be with you, and to forget all else

haru: I love you so much!

makoto: I have missed your touch. In my head I know we were together just a couple of days ago, but in my heart I have not held you since I first met you.

haru: That is horrible, but it's exactly how I feel, as well.

ryuji: kinda same? feels like everything i think is just......... shallow, with all the stress choking me from the inside

haru: Oh. To be with you...

ryuji: and to forget all else, yeah

ryuji: that's kinda why i've been trying to get with everyone lately

ann: i read somewhere that stress either skyrockets or completely plummets sex drive

ryuji: yup sounds about right

makoto: Haru, can I ask you to follow me home after school?

haru: What about your sister?

makoto: ...She has been returning later and later these days, if she returns at all.

ann: right, you did say she's spent the night at work a couple of times.......

makoto: This isn't a booty text, Haru.

makoto: Well,

makoto: Okay, but at least it's not a booty text in its majority.

haru: I feel the same way.

haru: I really do mean that I want to hold you. It doesn't have to be more than that.

haru: It could end up so. But it doesn't have to be.

makoto: I bought some new tea the other day. I haven't had the chance to open the package yet.

haru: That sounds lovely. Alright, it's a date.

makoto: <3

makoto: Ann, I'm sorry, I'd like you to be there too.

makoto: But just Haru today, if that's okay with you?

ann: of course love, of course

ann: i mean, kinda jealous, but i get it

haru: Thank you, my dear!

ryuji: i think

ryuji: i think im gonna log off for the day

ryuji: i wanna be alone for a bit

ann: is your ma home?

ryuji: she will be when i get back, but she's gonna leave for the night and be back tomorrow

ryuji: she'll probably be back before i wake up

ann: okay.

ryuji: okay.

makoto: Lunch break is almost over. Don't be late to class.

haru: Ah, wait, Ann! Did Akira mention what she's doing today?

ann: no idk

ann: she does a fuckton of crazy shit on the daily, i would not be surprised if she somehow ends up reverse-mugging some thug under a bridge

akira: no, that was last week

ann: what

akira: don't worry about it

ann: wait come back the fuck was that

makoto: Class.

makoto: Now.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


mishima: akira says to tell everyone he/him

futaba: yall at shinjuku again

mishima: it's where i usually am

futaba: what's he doing there

mishima: he went into a bar

shiho: yikes

mishima: i wonder if he'll come out soon. sometimes he'll just go in for like five minutes and then he'll come hang out with me

akira: sorry, not today

akira: we can go to akihabara tomorrow tho if you want

futaba: sae tomorrow

akira: day after

mishima: that works for me

akira: great

akira: now excuse me i have to get back to work

shiho: y

shiho: you what

mishima: you WORK in that bar?????

futaba: google how many part time jobs can one teenager have

futaba: answer me google

shiho: if he works there then how can he be coming out after only five minutes sometimes.....

mishima: im kinda scared to ask

futaba: fine ill ask for you you coward

shiho: wait you can ask morgana

shiho: he's with you, isn't he?

futaba: oh shit you right

futaba: he gave me a look like i didnt want to know

mishima: ah i was right to be scared then

 


	27. we were not gone that long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i went to a con this weekend! it was real fun and there were more couple cosplays than i could keep track of, hell yeah! shippers unite!

 

yusuke: siljver ww

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


futaba: okay what does that mean

yusuke: I had a very clear vision in a dream and I noted it down so I would remember when I woke up.

futaba: what was it

yusuke: I have no idea.

yusuke: Something about silver weapons, apparently.

futaba: how did you get weapons from ww

yusuke: I remember that I saw a sword, but I don't remember seeing it.

futaba: wow

yusuke: Indeed.

yusuke: We are meeting at LeBlanc after school, yes?

futaba: yeah

yusuke: I'll be seeing you later today, then. <3

futaba: yeah yeah

futaba: <3

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: are they back?

mishima: not from what i can tell

shiho: aw

mishima: you good?

shiho: yeah, im fine. you?

mishima: something came up with the phansite

shiho: what did?

mishima: i'm not sure yet. i'll look into it

shiho: be careful

mishima: thanks, you too

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: now?

shiho: ann? ryuji?

shiho: no?

shiho: yuuki?

shiho: what's happening today

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


mishima: sorry i was uh

mishima: calling it hacking would be an insult to hackers so

mishima: idk i was definitely working on it

shiho: did you figure anything out?

mishima: yeah

mishima: i have a request for the thieves i guess

shiho: cool

mishima: nobody's back yet?

shiho: doesn't seem so

mishima: mmmm

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ryuji: wow okay we were not gone that long

akechi: To be fair, time seems to warp very little in Sae-san's Palace. It must have been as much as we feel like it was.

shiho: w

shiho: it warps?

ryuji: usually yes

ryuji: akechi when did you ever get to see it warp before now??

akechi: The first time I fell into the Metaverse, by accident, I was there for what I'm certain was two hours. When I came out, only a quarter had passed.

akechi: Typically I have a good sense of the time, so I was intrigued by that.

ryuji: anyway shiho what's up

shiho: hmmm not sure if i wanna chat with you or ann

ryuji: oh ann is uh

akechi: Takamaki is most likely not in the mood for casual conversation.

ryuji: shit man that's not a terrifying thing to say at all

ryuji: dont worry shiho, she's just sleepy

ryuji: there's this magic spell that makes people sleep and she got hit with it but she had a buff that

ryuji: you know what nevermind

ryuji: she's just too sleepy to look at a screen

ryuji: will i do?

shiho: of course! it's not like ann is the only person i've ever spoken to in my life!

shiho: dms?

ryuji: already there

akechi: Anyone else online?

akira: I have like five minutes before I'm home and Morgana forces me to sleep.

akira: Shoot.

akechi: About your weapons...

akira: Yeah I'll be picking up new ones for everyone real soon.

akira: Do you have any preferences? I noticed yours look like children's toys. It must take a lot of effort to keep your cognition so they can still cause harm.

akechi: I'd rather that than accidentally injure myself or one of the team. I suppose I don't have any preferences.

akechi: Except that if whatever you're picking up isn't symmetrical, you'll need to get me a left-handed version.

akira: Oh shit, you're a leftie?

akira: I didn't notice.

akechi: I was... literally standing to your right. I was holding a lightsaber. I almost burned you a couple of times. You commented on it. How did you not notice.

akira: Whoops.

akechi: I suppose even the great leader of the Phantom Thieves isn't above a little forgetfulness, haha. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels silly in there sometimes.

akechi: Though I guess your occasional forgetfulness isn't as bad as my rookie inexperience.

akira: Sure.

akira: Now 'scuse be but I'm in sight of my bed, which means Morgana is about to strongarm me into it.

akechi: Have a good night's sleep, Kurusu.

akira: I have no say in the matter.

akechi: Die, then.

akira: k gn

akechi: Goodnight.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


futaba: tis the cursed hour kids

mishima: tis the cursed hour

futaba: what the FUCK are you doing awake

mishima: baby crying

mishima: parents decided to do all the calming down right outside my door, sounds like

futaba: rip in pieces

mishima: i just might

mishima: why are YOU awake

futaba: i passed out as soon as i got home

futaba: i got my six hours so i woke up

mishima: six hours are enough for you?

futaba: ill sleep again if i have to but i cant sleep longer than that

futaba: im not comfy lying still that long so i just wake up every six hours

futaba: also hungry

futaba: hey did you know that in order for a coma to be diagnosed as such you need to remain unresponsive for more than six hours

futaba: thought that was interesting

mishima: i am now terrified

mishima: didn't you say you stayed out cold for several days when you were having your change of heart?

futaba: yes

mishima: im shaking

futaba: good morning

 

 

 


	28. you got a date tonight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHEN I SAY POLY, YOU SAY THIEVES.  
>  **POLY!**

haru: Anyone wanna come in early to help me with the roof garden?

ann: how are you still gardening in this weather?

haru: There are plants that can survive even the harshest of winters!

haru: And it's not that bad.

akechi: You garden, Okumura?

haru: Here and there! I've been trying to develop new kinds of plants with specific properties.

akechi: That's a rather difficult goal.

haru: I have time.

akechi: It's good to have that kind of determination. Maybe I should pick up a hobby like that as well...

ann: dont you garden in this weather too

akechi: Haha, no, not gardening in particular. I meant a hobby that allows for such ambitious goals.

akechi: I suppose gardening must feel really rewarding as well.

haru: Absolutely! I can't recommend it enough!

akechi: That's what anyone would say about their hobby.

ann: yeah i guess that is in the definition of hobby, huh

ann: i was about to say something like "oh modeling is so tough sometimes" but like,,,, i get paid for that, it's a job

ann: you got any hobbies, akechi?

akechi: I do like chess.

haru: How lovely! That sounds like it would suit you.

akechi: Haha, is that so? How come?

ann: smart

akechi: I see.

haru: You're a logical thinker, and you have a pretty good grasp of strategy, a game like chess sounds just up your alley!

akechi: Thank you! I'm afraid I can't return the analysis, I was not anticipating you to garden at all!

akechi: But then again, I suppose that is my own fault. It is one of the activities I don't expect people to do.

ann: what about me and modeling then?

akechi: Oh, but I knew about that, and it's your job! It doesn't count. Don't you have any hobbies?

ann: shopping!

ann: hmmmm video games?

ann: oh im also working on doing my own hair nails and makeup, professionals are super expensive and i wanna look bomb for my selfies, not just paid photoshoots!

ann: and going on dates, of course!! <33333

haru: <3 <3 <3!!

haru: Those all seem very in character for you as well, Ann-chan!

akechi: Indeed, I'm sure we could have guessed at least three of these with just a bit of time.

ann: oh hush you two <3

ann: speaking of dates, haru when are we going on the one we missed out last time?

haru: We can go right before school if you come in early to help me with the garden!

ann: sorry babe i am not leaving my bed just yet and i still have to shower

haru: That's okay! You're the one who's missing out on all these kisses I have to give.

ann: THATS NOT FAIR

ann: okay fine are you free tonight?

haru: Not tonight, sorry! I'm going out with Akira. Tomorrow evening?

ann: can we go tomorrow after school?

haru: I have a meeting right after school.

ann: uhhhhhhhh day after tomorrow?

haru: This is why I said to go today.

haru: But okay, day after tomorrow.

ann: great!

ann: so you have a date tonight huh

haru: Oh, I'm not sure if it's going to be a date! There's just some stuff I need help with.

ann: so a date

haru: Why don't you get your own date for tonight, then? You have your pick.

ann: im not sure

ann: oh i might be able to rope ryuji and makoto into a study date

ann: i wonder if yusuke can make it

ann: what about you, akechi?

akechi: Pardon?

ann: you got a date tonight?

akechi: As it happens, no.

ann: wanna join me and mine? i'm sure you're super busy, it's a good chance to do some homework together!

akechi: I'd feel awkward intruding on your date.

ann: it's no problem! we're in the same team, aren't we?

haru: Indeed! The Thieves were always very kind to me and offering me all sorts of opportunities to hang out with them, even before I started dating anyone!

akechi: I hate to break it to you, but I believe they might have been flirting.

ann: can't speak for everyone but i sure was ;p

haru: Oh!

akechi: So, I'd rather not.

ann: even if i promise im not flirting this time?

akechi: I do prefer to study alone.

ann: so does makoto, but even she agrees its good to study together!

ann: just this once! please!!!!

haru: I know I won't be there, but please, Akechi-kun! I promise it's fun!

akechi: Okay okay fine.

akechi: But only this one time, got it?

haru: Yay!

ann: you won't regret it!

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


akechi: I regret it.

ryuji: aw but why

akechi: Because I'm actually studying better than usual and I hate it.

ryuji: aw <3

akechi: Fuck you.

ryuji: what, right here in front of the girls?

akechi: I was promised no flirting.

ryuji: i was straight-up hitting on you

akechi: Sakamoto.

ryuji: come ooon, ann was the one who said she wouldn't flirt!

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


futaba: im scared to ask what happened to the rest of this conversation

mishima: they were in the same room, weren't they? they probably finished it in person

futaba: then why start it in the chat

futaba: something fishy is afoot

mishima: makoto probably took their phones away

futaba: i see

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ryuji: WOW OKAY WAY TO HIT AND RUN, ASSHOLE

akechi: You were the one who started it.

ryuji: COME BACK HERE AND MAYBE I'LL FINISH IT

akechi: Bold words.

futaba: what

ryuji: THIS ASSHOLE

futaba: uh huh

ryuji: HE JUST

ryuji: LDKHSLGHHHHHHHHHHH

futaba: interesting

ryuji: PIECE OF S H I T

futaba: youre doing so good explaining everything honey

akechi: Wait, let him struggle a little more.

ryuji: FUCK YOU

akechi: Bold words.

futaba: oh shit

shiho: oh shit

ann: AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHA

ann: I KNOW I SAID NO FLIRTING BUT HOLY SHIT WHAT AN ASS

ann: oh man what an evening

futaba: does anyone care to give like a quarter of context here

futaba: i mean i can guess but

shiho: where's makoto?

akechi: Oh, still commuting, probably.

ryuji: FUCK OFF

akechi: Are you going to tell them or are you going to keep making it sound like I ran you over with the car I don't have?

ryuji: YOU SURE TOOK TO THIS OVERSHARING WITH THE THIEVES THING HUH

akechi: I won't tell if you won't.

ryuji: FUCK YOU

ryuji: you ASS

ryuji: fuckin

ryuji: shit

ryuji: goddamn effing HELL man

ryuji: i can't believe you just ran like that

akechi: I was maybe a little nervous. I didn't want to do any more than what I did do.

ryuji: oh

ryuji: yeah youre in the right then

ryuji: i pr

ryuji: i probably would've kept kissing you

futaba: A KISS HUH

shiho: RYUJI WOW

akira: i know i'm on my own date but WOW MAN WOW

haru: Yeah! Get it!

ann: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

akechi: Ugh grow up.

ryuji: i mean

akechi: Don't you dare.

ryuji: if you wanted we could definitely do some grown up stuff

akechi: I retract my kiss.

ann: AHAHAHA HELL NO BUDDY YOU'RE STUCK NOW

akechi: I don't need the peanut gallery commentary, thanks.

makoto: Good evening, what in the fresh hell?

futaba: akechi made out with poor ryuji then ran the fuck away

akechi: I did not. I just stepped off the train.

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

makoto: He's not stopping, huh?

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: well at least not right away

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

shiho: ryuji pls

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

FORREALBOT: --72--

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

akechi: OKAY! FINE! I GET IT! YOU CAN STOP NOW!

ryuji: okay

akechi: Jesus Christ, you're really going for it, huh?

ryuji: you tall

akechi: What.

ryuji: tall boy.... hot

akechi: Cease.

ryuji: make me

futaba: ryuji as your friend and girlfriend im gonna have to ask you to stop outing yourself and leave some blackmail for me

ryuji: ,,,,, make me

futaba: youre a mess

ryuji: but im your mess

makoto: You're doing great, sweetie.

futaba: is he tho

makoto: Yes! He even finished all the homework he set out to do today.

futaba: homework gross

makoto: But boy hot.

ann: and me hot!

makoto: And Ann hot.

futaba: you hot too

makoto: Yes, me too, fine. Anyone else?

akira: Haru in this hairdo!

haru: Akira in this jacket!

ryuji: AKECHI HOT

futaba: yes ryuji we get it you think akechis hot

ann: but he is

akira: I wasn't gonna say anything but...

haru: I'm sure he's to a lot of people's tastes!

akechi: Okay, okay, stop.

makoto: Surely you must be used to the attention. This must be dull to you.

akechi: Not like that!

ryuji: like what? from people you know? from someone you kissed and ran from, you coward?

ann: from hot people your age?

akira: From people who you are actually in a team with and who are willing to please you if you return the favor?

futaba: i shouldve censored you the moment i saw you start typing

ryuji: akechi?

ann: we broke him

akechi: I'm here.

ryuji: you good bro?

ryuji: this isn't too much, is it?

haru: Don't mind them, Akechi. They feed into each other's shenanigans to no end, especially when it comes to this kind of stuff. You can ignore them if they're making you uncomfortable.

akira: called out by my own date

ann: tell us to stop

akechi: No, it's...

akechi: That's not the reason I'm being quiet.

akechi: I'm just... flustered I guess, haha!

akechi: You all are correct, I'm not used to this kind of attention from someone so close to me... much less so many people at once!

akechi: A crowd of fans is much too different from a group of friends.

ryuji: is that why you ran?

akechi: Again, it was my stop. I was going to step off the train either way.

ryuji: okay lemme rephrase: is that why you waited until the absolute last possible minute to kiss me before you ran?

akechi: ...Yes.

akechi: I got flustered.

ryuji: okay great now IM getting flustered

ann: YOU TWO ARE ADORABLE

akechi: And getting real sick of the peanut gallery.

ryuji: come into dms with me

ann: boo

makoto: Don't be like that, Ann. It's their private business.

ann: they started talking in the gc!

makoto: Ryuji started yelling, and Akechi simply responded. We don't know that Ryuji meant for it to go into this chat rather than their DMs.

ann: fine

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry @ forrealbot i keep forgetting you exist it's just that my brain is full of polythieves


	29. ann the hair tuck thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> several mood whiplashes and we're caught up on my backlog, i now have to actually write as i go.

mishima: what a lovely day

mishima: look at that sunshine wow

mishima: ah and it's sunday too, no school! great!

mishima: everything is great!!!

akira: you good babe?

mishima: i am wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!

haru: This sounds rather stressed, I have to say.

mishima: oh great just GREAT you two are JUST the people i wanted to talk to today GREAT

akira: yuuki...

mishima: no everything's FINE

akira: is this a dysphoria problem or a "the world sucks in general" problem

mishima: nope. nope. none of that im not talking about it certainly not with you two

mishima: where's ryuji when you need him

mishima: i'll even take yusuke right now fuck give me a guy

haru: Mishima-kun!

mishima: nope nope nope nope

akira: its fine haru

haru: It's not!

akira: i know what he meant dw

mishima: RYUJI RYUJI RYUJI RYUJI

haru: He's not online, Mishima-kun! He probably won't be until later today.

mishima: great great excellent

akechi: I'm here, if there's anything I can help with?

mishima: fuck it i'll take it

mishima: where you at

akechi: At... my apartment?

mishima: cool cool cool im taking this to dms

haru: I'm sure you can talk in the group chat just as well...

akira: let them be

akira: whatever works

haru: Are you really not offended? You're just as much a guy as the others...

akira: Yeah but it's not all I am, unlike them.

haru: Oh, that makes sense.

haru: Alright.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


mishima: ok i'm better now

mishima: sorry about that

akechi: It was pretty bad, I couldn't blame you for how you were acting.

akira: i'll take akechi's word for it. you good now tho?

mishima: yeah

akira: k cool bc i was thinking of holding another thieves meeting later today and i wanted to ask after the phansite

mishima: OH SHIT YEAH THE PHANSITE

mishima: i have a request for you guys!

akira: nice! i was wanting to take akechi into mementos

akechi: Into what now?

akira: you'll see it when we get there

akechi: Get... where?

akira: it's got a lot of entrances thankfully

ann: are we meeting up at leblanc or shibuya

akira: hmmm shibuya probably

akira: to save yusuke the train fare, if nothing else

ann: cool i have a thing for another couple of hours

akira: let's say around five

ann: works for me

akechi: I'll be available as well.

mishima: are you guys going into mementos or having a meeting?

akira: meeting first, then mementos

akechi: Sounds like a plan.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: shiho remind me later about the hair tuck thing

shiho: i will

mishima: what

shiho: i don't know either but i will remember

mishima: oh shit i love you

ann: we all love you shiho!! <333

shiho: get back to the meeting, dear

ann: right away! <3 <3

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: ann the hair tuck thing

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: ann

shiho: the hair tuck thing

ann: right thanks

ann: AKIRA

akira: ya

ann: hey. hey. where were you looking.

akira: ??

ann: during the meeting. where were you looking.

akira: at all of you? that i was having the meeting with?

akira: i guess i was checking my phone more than often

ann: hmmmm didnt feel like you were looking at ALL of us

ann: and i have a witness!

futaba: hi im here with receipts

akira: what

futaba: did you know buddy that you looked at me only when i was tucking my hair behind my ears

futaba: do you know why i did that

akira: the fuck are you two on about?

futaba: well some of us noticed that you werent quite looking at everyone with much attention

ann: in fact, you seemed rather distracted by a certain thing!

ann: and what better way to test it than by replicating it?

akira: get to the point

futaba: i tucked my hair behind my ears a lot this meeting bc we noticed that you were only looking at akechi when he was doing it

futaba: on that subject AKECHI

futaba: thats a lot of hair tucking you were doing buddy

ann: oh so now neither of you are responding huh

futaba: we have cowards on the team it seems

ann: literally no one is going to give you shit for this guys

akira: you are giving us shit right now

akira: just handing it over on a piping hot plate with no remorse or self-consciousness

futaba: so you admit it

akira: yes fine i was eyeing akechi lay off of me

futaba: and you tall boy

futaba: ?

akechi: Alright, I plead guilty as well. I was messing with my hair to catch attention on it.

akechI: I... just might have been aiming for Kurusu's attention specifically, yes.

ann: there! now was that so hard?

akira: it will be now once i take it to dms

akechi: I'd really rather you didn't.

futaba: tall boy are you trying to drag your dirty laundry all over my clean group chat

akechi: No, I'd never.

akechi: What I meant was that I don't want it to escalate right now so I'd rather stay within the safe space you have so tirelessly created in the group chat, Sakura.

akira: that's okay

akira: i have homework i should be doing anyway

ann: we have homework?

akira: for wednesday

ann: oh it's fine then i'll do it tuesday night

akechi: You should do it earlier than that.

ann: you're not my dad

akira: unless you have a kink for that

ann: nope no none of that this chat has enough daddy issues to drown a herd, we're not getting into daddy kinks

ryuji: i heard daddy issues and came running who do i have to punch

akira: me, i think?

yusuke: Why are we punching who?

yusuke: Oh, okay.

futaba: YUSUKE

ann: YUSUKE!

yusuke: Futaba, Ann.

futaba: YOURE ALIVE

yusuke: We met not an hour ago.

futaba: weve missed you in the chat tho

yusuke: I admit I might have misplaced my phone charger.

yusuke: I had to borrow my dorm neighbour's...

ann: rip

yusuke: So why are we airing our daddy issues again?

haru: Did someone say daddy issues?

makoto: A full house, how rare.

makoto: But also, as Yusuke so wonderfully said already: Why.

akira: i mention a daddy kink ONE time

ryuji: seriously dude? you mention it now and not during the kink bingo?

akechi: I'm sorry, during the WHAT

akira: not me! i was flirting with akechi

ryuji: akechi look me in the eye and tell me you dont have a daddy kink

akechi: I would literally rather die, but thank you for asking.

akechi: It's... good to know I'm not alone on the matter.

makoto: Sorry to unload this on you, Akechi. I guess it's just been a while since we talked about our collective daddy issues, and it kinda blew up...

akechi: No no, I get it.

akechi: I... might have thoughts to contribute, but you'll have to forgive that I'm not comfortable with discussing specific experiences.

ann: oh good god another one

ryuji: what is it with the thieves and daddy issues

futaba: hey speak for yourself i have mommy issues ONLY

ann: like those are any better?

akechi: I have my fair share of both, and I can assure you they're both equally despicable.

haru: Oh, what a mood! Finally! We now have three!

yusuke: Is that something to celebrate, really?

haru: Isn't it? Misery loves company, after all!

yusuke: I love you, I do, but seeing you hurt does hurt me. You know that.

haru: I am not hurting right now, my dear.

akira: false

haru: Not another word.

akira: your call

yusuke: What do you mean?

makoto: Haru, is there trouble?

haru: I have it handled.

haru: And even if I didn't, Akira and Mona-chan are helping me.

haru: Let's go back to talking about how Akira and Akechi-kun were flirting during the meeting.

akechi: Let's not.

ryuji: then what are we talking about? our horrible parents and parental figures?

futaba: fuck that lets talk about the good ones instead

ryuji: fuck yeah let me tell you about my ma

ann: oh me too! ryuji's ma is amazing!

futaba: and let me tell you about sojiro

akira: yes let's talk about sojiro

makoto: Please do, good God I've missed my sister and she's sitting right next to me on the couch.

ryuji: ma caught a cold the other day and i made her some soup and she straight-up started crying when she ate it? then hugged me for ten minutes straight weeping how much she loves me?

ryuji: and i love her so much too but i hate that her standards are so low. i want to give her the world guys shit

yusuke: Your mother does deserve the world.

haru: Maybe we can give it to her together, one day.

akira: of course we'll help you with it, ryuji 

ryuji: shit man now im crying

ann: but you and her both deserve it! she's always so kind to me and she's always wanted us to get together, i think?

ryuji: kinda yeah

ann: see she knows you

ryuji: yeah

ryuji: she does

ryuji: enough of my sobbing shit tell us about sojiro

akira: sojiro

akira: is so good

akira: like, he could hate me. he could be hating me right now, and he'd be right. he didn't like me to begin with, and he didn't trust me until like AFTER futaba started hanging out with me

akira: but he, like, does shit for me now? he taught me the curry recipe? the madman?

futaba: can you blame him you brought his daughter out of her room that she hadnt left in years

futaba: he wouldnt have taken you in if he hated you

futaba: i mean you did get arrested for assault so he couldnt trust you but you helped him out a lot too you know

akira: not as much as he's helped me

akira: parole would've been hell without him, i'm coming to realize

futaba: the house situation was kind of hell without him

futaba: sojiro fuckin treats me like a person

futaba: god thats so shitty that i have to say that

futaba: this is why i dont have daddy issues people who the hell would have daddy issues with sojiro as their dad

akira: yeah he's kinda great

akira: and i think you've just started a race to your hand in marriage bc we all want sojiro for our dad

futaba: no hes mine back off

akira: come on, you can share

akira: you share with me and morgana already! we'll just make it official

ryuji: come on futaba think of our daddy issues

futaba: actually you know what ryuji you can stay in the race everyone else is rejected

ann: COME ON

haru: Aw! But why?

futaba: cause i can be considerate and allow a race for your daddy issues but did yall think of my mommy issues

makoto: Does my sister count?

makoto: Please, I really need that curry recipe.

futaba: i knew it you only want my dad for his food

makoto: The coffee is good, too.

yusuke: Damn it.

haru: ?

yusuke: I have nothing to bribe her with! The closest I have to a mother figure is a portrait that is already hung up in Futaba's home.

yusuke: How will I marry her?

ann: ugh EXACTLY throw us a bone here

haru: Yes, please, we don't all have enticing mother figures to bribe you with!

makoto: I'm not sure if mine got accepted...

futaba: oh no you guys are all out of the race ryujis the only one allowed to participate for parent reasons

futaba: yusuke ill marry for the usual wedding reasons

yusuke: GOD IS REAL

akira: and he is not a kind one it seems

ryuji: speak for yourself man WHOO

makoto: I am so glad these get deleted after three hours. I don't want to even imagine what it'll be like to read this weeks down the line.

futaba: bold of you to assume i havent already screenshotted all of this

makoto: Our God is not a smiling one.

akira: no i think thats whats worse the bastard smiles all the time but its at our expense

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of the exchanges in this chapter is part of another fic i'm writing. it was just too good a line to only be in one fic so i'm putting it in both


	30. a rare and exciting booty text by yusuke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i may have caught up on my backlog but im also almost done with my internship so this is good timing

yusuke: I have good news.

yusuke: I've been informed that there will be no patrols in my wing of the dorms for the next few days.

akira: oh right yeah i heard something like that

ryuji: interesting

yusuke: Interesting, indeed.

ann: it's a rare and exciting booty text by yusuke, hell yes!

yusuke: Is it really that rare?

ann: i dont hear you questioning the exciting bit

yusuke: Oh, no. I understand why you would be excited.

ann: im swooning

ryuji: im swooning by proxy wow

akira: it might be so rare just bc of the dorm situation

ryuji: i booty text yall to crash at your places all the time

yusuke: And it is rather crude. Where's your class?

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

futaba: i fucking knew it oh my god

yusuke: In any case, I find it rude to invite myself to somebody else's home.

ryuji: i would literally hand you a copy of my keys if i lived alone but go on

ann: uh

yusuke: Hm.

ryuji: what

ann: well

ann: you know who of us lives alone?

ryuji: you didn't

ann: i did?

akira: what a fuckin power move

yusuke: I wasn't going to say anything, but yes...

ryuji: come on man for real???

FORREALBOT: --73--

ryuji: it took you like two years to give me keys to your place and yusuke gets them in six months?

ann: let me grab a shot for that forrealbot ping and i'll be right back with you

ann: okay so that's cause i didn't fucking know you ryuji

ann: it's different in the thieves, okay?

ann: you're the only one i knew before

ryuji: yeah

ryuji: i mean

ryuji: yeah

ryuji: you're the only one who's ever seen me with a skull mask and also with black hair

akechi: Your hair used to be black?

ryuji: didn't yours?

akechi: No, mine just grows like this.

akechi: It used to be a little darker when I was very little, but lightened up over time. This is my natural color.

ann: a third one! welcome to the club

akechi: Third one?

ann: of bright natural hair colors

ann: haru's the other one

akechi: Between this and the other club I joined last time I opened up in this chat, I'm starting to worry about my coincidences with Okumura...

ryuji: wait what other club did you join???

yusuke: The both-daddy-and-mommy-issues club, with me and Haru.

ryuji: ah yes that one

ryuji: yikes

yusuke: Indeed.

yusuke: That is not what I came here to discuss.

yusuke: Free passing to, from, and through the Kosei dorms for three days, people.

ann: why three days?

akira: and why now? mid-week?

yusuke: A handful of staff members are taking leave for a trip, but it seems none of you are focusing on the main message of what I'm saying, so nevermind.

ryuji: WAIT NO I'LL SLEEP AT THE DORMS

yusuke: Oh now you're interested.

ryuji: IM INTERESTED IN GENERAL

ryuji: come ooon i'll stay there the whole three days if you want!

yusuke: You do have to go to sch

ann: yusuke?

ann: did he get sniped

ryuji: uh, buddy? you there?

ann: the others aren't responding either what is happening

ann: h

ann: OH

ann: OH SHIT OKAY NOW I GET IT

ryuji: wh

ann: reread what you sent

ryuji: that i'd stay all three days?

ryuji: why woul

ryuji: oh

ryuji: okay that's super kinky and i'm kinda worried your mind went there right away but also now im chub so thanks for that assholes

yusuke: I can assure you it is not a lonesome problem.

futaba: IT WILL BE IF YOU FUCKERS KEEP THIS UP IN MY GOOD CLEAN GROUP CHAT

futaba: that was NOT an invitation to send nudes holy shit guys

ann: yeah i got one from all three of them what'd you get

futaba: same

akira: same

ann: w

ann: you're one of the three how did you also get three

akira: do you want to guess

ryuji: here's a hint i got three too

akechi: Okay, we get it, you can stop talking now.

akira: it was akechi is what we're saying

akechi: OKAY WE GET IT

futaba: is that so

ann: and here i thought you didnt want it to escalate

akira: to be fair it didnt escalate much

ryuji: yeah it was just shirtless

ryuji: which is still a lot mind you but it wasn't a full-on dick pic

ann: unlike yours

ryuji: unlike mine

yusuke: Guys.

yusuke: Dorms.

yusuke: No patrols.

yusuke: Are we figuring out dates or should I expect you to show up at random times and in random combinations?

ryuji: unless we're still not talking about you keeping me like a pet then probably dates

futaba: one of these days im gonna leave you on censor and youll just be mute to this chat forever

ryuji: i would not mind that kind of death

futaba: look now you broke ann too shes not responding either

ryuji: how come YOU're still responding? i'm doing my best here

futaba: im sure youre a delicious sub but im still ace

ryuji: that's not what you said the other day

futaba: it felt good

futaba: that doesnt mean i suddenly want to fuck people all the time

ryuji: you are pretty thirsty though

futaba: yeah for the aesthetic

futaba: i dont really see the appeal in seduction

ryuji: like, in this one in particular or just in general?

futaba: both

futaba: oh dont get me wrong youre doing great sweetie im sure if i swung that way i would be absolutely drooling at the idea of keeping you in my room like a pet for three days straight

futaba: but i dont so i dont

futaba: did you break too

futaba: oh my fucking god i can hear you thinking about it from all the way in leblanc

futaba: fuck all of you

yusuke: I mean, you can.

futaba: ah yusuke youre alive

yusuke: Barely.

yusuke: It is not helping that both my room and your room could be the rooms referred to.

futaba: ?

yusuke: Okay, think about it this way: my dorm has the appeal because no one would interrupt for three days, right?

yusuke: Your room has the appeal of that big desk.

futaba: what

yusuke: I'm saying I want to eat you under your desk.

\-- MESSAGES HAVE BEEN BANNED! --

  
  
  


~~~

  
  
  


\-- MESSAGES HAVE BEEN UNBANNED! --

haru: Futaba-chan, we can't keep doing this.

futaba: no yeah i realized that banning msgs locks the last thing sent into being the thing everyone sees when they try to send anything

yusuke: You just realized that now?

futaba: youre on thin ice tall boy

yusuke: Three days starting tomorrow people, let's get it together.

haru: The most direct subject change I've ever seen!

haru: Would it be alright if I visited you tomorrow and the day after?

yusuke: That would be lovely, thank you.

ann: i can make it all three days

ann: hell i can just not step foot in my own house for three days

ann: except maybe to shower and get fresh clothes

yusuke: I'd love that, thank you.

futaba: ill swing by today then

futaba: dont wanna actually stay overnight

yusuke: Whatever works best for you, love. Thank you.

makoto: I... just might be able to make it on the last night, but I'm not sure.

yusuke: Let me know once you have more details, thank you.

ryuji: i'll come by second day after school and till next day before school?

akira: then i can visit tomorrow and day after, like haru

haru: I think I'll only be spending the nights.

akira: oh im thinking any time i have free so i guess i'll be there more than you?

yusuke: Those both sound great, thank you.

mishima: i'll drop by with everyone on the second day after school, then. won't stay the night but it'll be fun to get there with everyone else

yusuke: Nice! Thank you.

shiho: this sounds like a hell of a gathering and i for one am glad to be excused from it just by sheer distance

yusuke: Your absence will be noted, but not so much that it might bring down everyone's spirits, since it sounds like we won't be able to get everyone together at once anyway. Thank you.

akira: sounds like second day is the busiest huh

yusuke: Did I get it through that I am thankful? Because I cannot stress this enough, thank you so so much, everyone. It does mean a lot.

yusuke: Akechi?

akechi: Wait, seriously?

yusuke: Of course. You're part of the team, now, and I wouldn't mind spending the night with you, if that's something you're interested in.

akechi: Oh!

akechi: Haha, caught me by surprise there... I just assumed I'd be excluded since I'm not dating anyone here, but it'd be wrong to assume in this situation, huh?

akechi: I'd love to visit... oh, maybe tomorrow? Who else did we say was going to be there tomorrow?

ann: akira haru and me

akechi: And second day is busy, and third... Niijima and Takamaki, right?

ann: looks like it

akechi: Hm. I think I'll visit tomorrow, then, if that's alright.

yusuke: That would be lovely, thank you.

yusuke: I do mean it, everyone. I'm truly thankful for this.

yusuke: This might sound silly, but it's something that's been on my mind a lot lately... I don't really get lazy mornings?

yusuke: That's terrible. Every single time when I've woken up with one of you and I've had the chance to just go back to sleep and keep cuddling with the sun dripping in through the curtains has been nothing short of heaven.

yusuke: That's why I like planning for Saturdays. No school on Sunday means I can stay in bed all day if I wanted to.

yusuke: But any other day I have to either catch the last train of the night or wake up super early and leave in a hurry just to get to class, since none of you live near Kosei.

mishima: i live near kosei

yusuke: You do?

mishima: yeah

mishima: i would've gone if i could've gotten into any of its programs, but i had to pick a school that focused on its sports program

mishima: look how well that turned out

ryuji: ><

ryuji: let's not bring down a good conversation

ann: i second that ><

akechi: What's that?

ryuji: ?

akechi: The greater than less than symbols. 

ryuji: oh we kinda uh

ann: we have them for trigger symbols? they kinda look like eyes squeezed shut, right?

akechi: Isn't that emoticon, uh >.<

ann: yeah but we might want to use the emoticon, we dont wanna confuse it with the trigger

akechi: Oh, that makes sense. That's really smart of you.

ryuji: anyway yusuke that sounds lonely as hell and it is now my mission to find a way to stay overnight at your dorm on the regular

yusuke: Believe me, I have looked and looked, and no answer has appeared.

ann: we'll MAKE one if we have to

haru: And if we can't stay in secret, we'll find a way to get you someplace that will work for you!

yusuke: There's no way we can afford an apartment just for the cuddle factor of no patrols.

haru: Do you know who you're speaking to?

yusuke: I'd rather you buy me a particular sketchbook set that I've been eyeing for a while now.

haru: I could buy both.

yusuke: This is a pretty expensive sketchbook.

haru: It can be your Christmas present.

yusuke: Great.

yusuke: I suppose I'll see some of you tomorrow, then?

futaba: but you have me before that

yusuke: Of course, I have you before that!

yusuke: <3

futaba: <3

  
  
  


~~~

  
  
  


futaba: anyone wanna explain sexual attraction to me

ann: i see ryuji and i immediately go "let me sit on your face"

ryuji: i see ann and and i immediately go "please sit on my face"

futaba: thats the least helpful thing anyone has ever said to me but okay

ann: does this have anything to do with your dorm date with yusuke?

futaba: not really

futaba: well maybe kinda but im not gonna say it

yusuke: Ryuji phrased it wonderfully earlier today, let me find it.

yusuke: Ah, yes. I'm chub.

yusuke: The height of eloquence, thank you Ryuji.

ryuji: laugh all you want but it's still the best way to say it while being funny without being dirty

ryuji: but also how is the situation an issue

futaba: hes painting me

futaba: and i mean im not really doing anything im just on my phone and stuff

futaba: so the concept of sexual attraction is wild i thought it was just when people were being sexy

ann: nah, it's kinda all over the place

ryuji: and you can get a chubby from literally any random thing ever, doesn't have to be a sexy thing

futaba: i think this time it is one

futaba: hes kinda blushing

ann: he's always kinda blushing when he's painting, he's passionate

futaba: yeah but hes not blushing like he wants to make out with the sketchbook hes blushing like he wants t

futaba: theres a desk in here

futaba: interesting

ann: oh my fucking god keep us updated

  
  
  


~~~

  
  
  


futaba: update

futaba: uh

futaba: god no i cant do this in my clean chat

futaba: who here and wants some dms

ryuji: yo

ann: yeah yeah

haru: Me!

  
  
  


~~~

  
  
  


akira: are you telling me futaba sexted about getting eaten under yusuke's desk and i wasn't here to witness it?

futaba: you snooze you lose

akira: haru you traitor why didnt you say anything

akira: is this why you kept looking at your phone

haru: It was a lovely recounting, Akira.

haru: And thank you for tonight. I'll see you tomorrow at school?

akira: sure

futaba: you two okay

haru: Yes. It's nothing much, not to worry.

akira: hm

haru: Akira.

akira: fine

futaba: that does not seem like its nothing much

futaba: you guys arent fighting are you

akira: no

haru: No, of course not.

haru: It's just a little thing I might need some help with. Akira and Mona-chan are working hard to keep me company while I work through it!

haru: Their contributions are much valued and I appreciate that they. don't. talk. about. it.

akira: i said fine already

akira: listen futaba it's really nothing serious, it's just taking more time than i thought it'd take to get to the root of the problem

akira: why dont you tell us about your dorm escapades instead

futaba: hell no

futaba: ask yusuke tomorrow when you go for your own turn

yusuke: Bold of you to assume I'd say a word about something so precious.

futaba: g

yusuke: It was! And I want to keep that all to myself. Sorry, Akira.

futaba: hhhhhhhhhhhh

haru: Oh! Is your painting finished?

yusuke: For now. These are oils, so I'll let it sit for a few days before I come back to it.

yusuke: Akira, are you at LeBlanc?

akira: ya

yusuke: There's a chance Futaba might swing by your place on her way home.

akira: ??

futaba: listen its one thing to hurry up the stairs with my hair fluffed around my neck and another to shuffle up with my hands covering my thighs

haru: Sorry, I lost you?

futaba: some tall boy decided it was hickey time

haru: Oh!

yusuke: Excuse you, there's not a single mark on your neck, I paid particular attention to that.

futaba: exactly theyre all on my thighs

futaba: i shouldve stolen some pants from you that outta show you

yusuke: I'm fairly certain you could fit my pants all the way up to your neck

futaba: listen here tall boy

yusuke: Tell me, short girl.

futaba: WOW OKAY THIS CHAT IS CANCELLED

akira: i have some sweats that would fit you futaba

futaba: youre tall too man

akira: then perish

futaba: i probably will

futaba: is this punishment for going absolute territory in the winter

futaba: what crimes am i paying for

futaba: nobody answer that

futaba: im almost home akira

akira: im about to sleep so dont expect any curry from me

futaba: oh please like i need curry from you when i have sojiro at home

futaba: god i hope hes alseep already

akira: i believe in you

haru: You can do it!

yusuke: I'd say wear pants tomorrow but I literally cannot be mad at you for wearing shorts.

futaba: yeah okay can you stop being hot for like two hours

yusuke: Not around you.

futaba: fair

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yutaba rights


	31. who has the gloves today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy new year, by my word and in every thought the effort of existance is only to bring myself and others joy and health. this year and this decade will be better than the last, happier, healthier, more creative and more thoughtful beacause i said so, and so it will be!  
> have some polythieves!

 

yusuke: Who left their gloves here?

ann: color?

yusuke: Black. They're fingerless.

ann: oh, mine. whoops

yusuke: Was that really a whoops or did you just want me to wear your gloves to class?

ann: '3'

yusuke: Answer the question.

ann: :*

yusuke: Ann.

ann: mwah

yusuke: If I stretch these out I will not be held responsible.

ann: smooch

yusuke: That's it, I'm taking them to class.

yusuke: Your hands are tiny.

ann: thats your own fault tall boy your hands are too big

yusuke: Not you too. You're tall girl.

ann: oh god oh geez nevermind

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: okay who has the gloves today

ryuji: me

ann: how did i not see you taking them

ryuji: pockets

ann: you sly son of a gun

ryuji: '3'

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


futaba: are yall keeping track of the three days through glove

ann: they're comfi

futaba: that sounds like a challenge

ann: you'd have to steal them from akira if you're not coming yourself

futaba: im not telling you who im gonna steal them from you need to be unprepared

futaba: ryuji has them today right

ryuji: i did until lunch period

futaba: what happened then

haru: You're welcome to try and take them back :)

ryuji: maybe i will

makoto: I've just decided that I'm definitely coming tomorrow. I can't miss this.

ryuji: HARU I NEED THOSE GLOVES BY TOMORROW

haru: You'll have to loot my dead body for them!

ryuji: NO HARU YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

ryuji: MAKOTO

haru: Exactly! I'm just as invested. Makoto.

makoto: Oh hush you two. You're making me blush.

ryuji: haru pls

futaba: ok then ask yourselves this question who are you most invested into at this time

ryuji: yusuke no hesitation

makoto: Yusuke.

haru: Yusuke, of course!

yusuke: I've just decided I need to host more often.

futaba: last night wasnt enough for you to decide then

yusuke: I thought it was just that everyone was together at my room. Turns out they're willing t

yusuke: Don't censor me here.

yusuke: But it turns out they're willing to have me in the middle whenever I host, so I'm more inclined to do that.

ryuji: that's such a pillow princess thing to say

yusuke: You weren't complaining last night.

futaba: second strike

makoto: Maybe it's because you're both pillow princesses.

haru: Everyone likes being a pillow princess at times!

makoto: I'm not sure I've ever seen Akira do it.

ryuji: akira is service power he doesnt count

ryuji: last time we managed to get him to just lie down and take it was like three months ago and it took far too much time

akira: THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN

ann: did too, i have pictures

akira: NO YOU DONT I DELETED THOSE

ann: i have them copied to my computer, cry about it

akira: ANN

yusuke: I don't see why you'd be upset. It was fun.

yusuke: Though it did indeed take like three hours to get you to relax enough to even consider it.

akira: PEOPLE READ THESE YUSUKE

futaba: and i am screenshotting all of it

akira: NO

haru: Yes! Tell us more, Yusuke!

yusuke: Ah, no, I think I've said enough.

haru: Aw.

haru: That's alright. I'll see you in just a bit! <3

yusuke: I'll be here. <3

akira: fuck all of you ugh <3

ann: <3 you're about to hehehe

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


futaba: is no one gonna tell me who has the gloves today

akechi: I do.

futaba: what the fuck

akechi: I ran into Kurusu on the way to school. They were half hanging out of his pocket, I couldn't not.

ryuji: why the fuck weren't you wearing them?

akira: it's hot in the trains leave me alone

ryuji: but now akechi has them and how will i get them so makoto can take them from me?

akechi: You'll have to get creative.

akechi: Or you could simply ask. I'm sure I could be persuaded if you asked nicely enough.

ryuji: is that a jab at my manners or are you inviting me to get on my knees

futaba: im this close to banning you

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ryuji: GOT EM

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


makoto: Got them.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


haru: Hmmm. Astrate.

shiho: ???

futaba: that looks like a name

makoto: Dare I say, it looks like a name from a story.

haru: Does everyone remember the trouble Akira kept alluding to, even when I told them to keep quiet?

makoto: Yes.

shiho: no?

haru: It was my fiancé. He was being a bother and a half.

haru: Ever since my father died.

haru: While I had to overlook the company's handling now that it's missing its head.

makoto: And did you gift him a necklace made of his own intestines?

haru: I did not. I did, however, vividly imagine it.

makoto: Very well. Go on.

haru: I refuse to burden you all with details, but I'm happy to announce that the engagement has been called off, and that man will never be a bother to me or the company ever again, for as long as I draw breath.

haru: In fact, the company is in good hands while I'm still finishing my education. A trusted family friend and businessman has been placed in charge, and he will help me when it's my turn.

shiho: nice!

haru: It is.

haru: It was... far messier than I thought it'd be, but in the end, Akira and Mona-chan came through.

haru: And now, I am Astrate.

shiho: who?

futaba: whats she like

haru: Oh, she is amazing. I've never felt like this before.

haru: It's like I hold infinity within me, and I can simply hand it out to whomever I please.

haru: Was it like that for you, Futaba-chan?

futaba: i think its different for everyone

futaba: mine is more like

futaba: i had endured and endured and then i was free with my past with me but without any of the bad stuff like the pain or the fear but i kept everything ive ever done and ever given and i was just no longer being tortured for it

makoto: I wonder what Johanna might have in store for me.

haru: I'm sure it will be something wonderful.

futaba: maybe shell evolve into a tank

makoto: A tank?

futaba: i mean yeah what would a bike evolve into

futaba: mine went from ufo disc to a sphere with the best face ever known to man on it

shiho: oh! so a bike would become like

shiho: a hoverbike

futaba: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH

makoto: Ooooohhhh!

haru: Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

shiho: thank you thank you ill be here all night

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


akira: did someone frickin

akira: wh

akira: hm..

akira: ok there was a book on the bar at leblanc, did someone see it or take it?

futaba: i moved it to the bookshelf by the stairs

akira: wh

futaba: i picked the book up looked you dead in the eye and asked you where this goes and you said in the bookshelf

akira: when did that happen

futaba: like seven minutes ago

futaba: i literally just left do i need to come back

futaba: isnt morgana keeping an eye on you

akira: ,,,,,,,,,,,,no

futaba: jfc dude you gotta stop working thirty jobs

akira: i'm sure they're not thirty yet

futaba: YET

futaba: OK I JUST SAW MORGANA IM SENDING HIM OVER

akira: oh my god

futaba: ITS WHAT YOU DESERVE

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ryuji: i know im not usually That Guy but palace run when

makoto: I was just thinking about that...

ryuji: i said it so you won't have to

makoto: Thank you, Ryuji.

ryuji: np

yusuke: It has indeed been a while since the last run. I assumed we'd go yesterday, but nothing like that happened.

haru: I'm sorry, everyone. I've been occupying our leader's time with my own troubles.

haru: But at the same time, I'm not sorry in the slightest.

ryuji: yeah i saw the screenshots

ryuji: you should've let me punch him when i had the chance

haru: As satisfying as I'm sure it would be to see that, I can think of a few more satisfying things I'd rather see you do with a fist.

futaba: ET TU HARU

futaba: OUT OF EVERYONE I DIDNT THINK ID EVER HAVE TO CENSOR

futaba: WHAT NEXT MORGANA GETS HIS OWN PHONE

ryuji: where would he keep it

futaba: FUCK YOU WHY IS IT ALWAYS YOU WITH THE FILTH

ryuji: it's bc i brag about my dick all the time

ryuji: but also hey i didn't do anything this time around

futaba: IT WAS AIMED AT YOU

ryuji: im innocent yell at haru

haru: You're a far cry from innocent, baby.

futaba: HARU YOU TRAITOR

haru: Freedom must stem from betrayal for me!

futaba: STOP

makoto: So, palace run.

yusuke: Yes, I do believe we need to ask Akira for a run today.

futaba: I DONT TRUST THAT SUSPICIOUS DROP OF SUBJECT

ryuji: check these dms out

futaba: id rather eat my own hair

akira: im here im here what are we talking about

akira: futaba don't eat your hair morgana assures me hairballs are fucking awful

akira: m "They're like a scraping sponge crawling up and down your throat, you think it's EASY to throw up a hairball?"

akira: anyway palace run

makoto: Yes.

makoto: The sooner, the better, I believe. Today would be best.

ryuji: i'm available

haru: I need to be home by nine, but other than that I'm available as well.

akira: great meet back at leblanc after school

ryuji: ah wait shit i think my class has a quiz tomorrow

yusuke: There is some work I need to get done, as well.

akira: ok folks here's the schedule - meeting at the courthouse right after school, running into sae's palace right away, then we split up and whoever can and wants to comes back to leblanc for a group study session

ryuji: man i love you this is why you're leader

akira: i love you too and this is why you're charge commander. no hesitation

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: you know, that one felt quicker than it was

makoto: you think so? i thought it was quicker than it felt

akechi: But it was still rather quick, either way.

ann: yeah

ann: that was the quickest it's been since.... like, august?

ann: there was one time in futaba's palace that the run went for like an hour

makoto: I remember that.

akechi: It's been that long? Really?

makoto: With the way time warps in the Metaverse, it's more efficient to do fewer and longer runs, rather than shorter and plentier ones.

akechi: Oh, that makes sense.

akechi: I'm sorry to have caused you to cut that run short, then.

ann: ah no, no, everyone has a busy day. i'm surprised we managed to to squeeze that much in at all!

akechi: I suppose you two are free, then?

makoto: I have some housework to tend to.

ann: uhhhhhhh

ann: yo akira do we have hw for tomorrow?

akira: yes

ann: which is?

akira: the history is the hard part

akira: the math is easy

ann: ah when you say the math is easy

akira: do you just want to come to leblanc

ann: no i have a shoot in like two hours and my hair desperately needs some love before that

akechi: A photoshoot during night?

ann: we wanna catch those tokyo street lights

akechi: Ah, I understand. Best of luck.

ann: thanks

ann: babe can i copy your hw tomorrow

akira: mmm

makoto: Do you want to try that one again?

ann: i meant can i call you later tonight if i have any question with my studies

akira: why of course you can sweetheart

makoto: Last chance.

akira: no i think we had it with that one

makoto: I will personally come into your class first thing in the morning to check if you have done your homework.

ann: it will be done dont you worry

makoto: I will also check Akira's homework.

akira: it will also be done

makoto: And they better be done independently.

akechi: I don't think you can win this one.

makoto: That's what I'm afraid of, as well.

 

 


	32. It's always personal.

 

akira: okay folks i just got a real good tarot reading who wants to do another run tomorrow?

makoto: Why not go now?

akira: I'm on a date.

makoto: With the fortune teller?

akira: No, with Mishima.

akira: I might invite him over to Leblanc after this.

akira: futaba s cool with you if i send morgana over?

futaba: sure

akira: great thanks

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


mishima: i love one leader

akira: thanks

makoto: What's this about?

mishima: that depends on whether sakura is online

akira: she's not, dw

mishima: how can you be sure sometimes she just hides herself

akira: trust me

mishima: okay

mishima: anyway niijima it's about fucking

makoto: Is that the end of your sentence or is there more?

mishima: nah that was it

makoto: I see.

mishima: it's so good! and i dont even know how to describe it without sounding like an idiot!

makoto: No I know that fucking feels good, you don't have to describe it.

mishima: i mean like

mishima: specifically

akira: transmasc solidarity

mishima: ye

makoto: Oh, I see.

makoto: Or rather, I don't see.

makoto: I'm happy for you. If it's nice enough that it has you rambling in the group chat, it must really be something special.

mishima: it isssss

mishima: no offence to ryuji or ann but akira's the absolute best

akira: hush

mishima: niijima i have to let you know that he said to stop in the chat but in real life he rolled over onto me and nuzzled into my neck with the dumbest giggle i've ever heard

akira: don't expose me like this

mishima: you're pretty exposed tho

makoto: You can't just say that and not follow through.

akira: it's too dark for pics

makoto: Spoilsport.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: akira we need to have a fuck-off again

akira: that's the best thing i've ever seen written but also you do know that that last convo was about transmasc solidarity and not fucking prowess, right?

ryuji: no we need to have a fuckoff

akira: you can just invite me to a threesome like normal people

akira: we can make it a foursome, even

ryuji: you know what you're absolutely right

ann: this is why you're the leader akira we love you

akira: does tonight after the palace run work for everyone?

ann: are we still doing the palace run?

akira: yes

mishima: i have today free either way

ann: i was going to redo my nails but for you guys i'll put it off

mishima: put it off to get you off

ryuji: hehehehe

ryuji: so tonight at ann's?

ann: sure

ann: yuuki we'll text you once we're out of the palace, meet you here?

mishima: sure! see you tonight <3

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


makoto: It has been fifty hours since I last saw my sister.

akechi: I barely manage to get her to have lunch at work. I'm not even sure she eats any time I'm not there.

makoto: Please, everyone, let's put effort into today's run. I'm getting very worried about her...

akira: Of course. Anything.

akira: Is there any chance you might skip Council stuff for today?

makoto: Yes... I should be able to manage that.

akira: Great. That way, we can all take the same train over to the Courthouse, have an early Thieves meeting. We can catch Yusuke, Futaba and Akechi up once we're there. Should save us some time.

akechi: Should save us a lot of time.

akechi: Sounds good. See you there.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ryuji: yuuki we're out of the palace and on our way

mishima: kk

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: I LIVE

haru: Suzui-chan! We've missed you!

shiho: yeah i lost my phone

shiho: it almost got put in the washing machine but thankfully my dad is great and also careful and he saved it from an early death

haru: Thank goodness!

shiho: so how's everyone

haru: We're very close to changing Sae-san's heart! In fact, all that's left is the final run!

shiho: ohhh with the calling card right? nice nice

shiho: where's everyone

haru: They had a dispute recently and now they are settling it the old-fashioned way.

shiho: oh no! what happened?

haru: It was a dispute of horizontal nature, so they are settling the old-fashioned, horizontal way.

shiho: oh lmao you scared me for a moment there

haru: Yeah, I re-read what I sent and it sounded far too ominous. Nope, they're just getting laid!

shiho: hehehe good for them!

haru: Good for them!

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: makoto, haru, futaba

makoto: Yes?

ann: men are cancelled lets all go out tonight

haru: Let's do it!

haru: Why are men cancelled?

ann: does anyone want to come forth and confess his crimes or do you want me to drag you myself

futaba: give us the tea

ann: i'll let them have one chance but don't worry, the tea is coming

ann: no one?

ann: real solidarity there huh

ann: you do know that's what got you here in the first place right?

ann: i see you reading these

ryuji: i've never read anything in my life

akira: im innocent

yusuke: I don't even know what we're talking about.

mishima: who is this ann person?

ann: okay i see

akechi: I actually, genuinely, don't know what we're talking about.

shiho: spill the tea, ann

ann: these motherfuckers right here have been having secret candy runs for their secret candy stash that morgana is stealth-keeping for them!!

shiho: no!

haru: Mona-chan! How could you?

futaba: FOR FUCKING SHAME

ann: you DARE keep sweets from ME????

makoto: I thought this would be something less joking.

ann: i am dead serious

mishima: sweets who? there is only one flavor and it is salt

ryuji: who the hell is morgana

yusuke: What's a candy?

akira: fuck ow abort abort

akira: my fucking hand ow

akira: FCUK

akira: m "Lady Ann! I didn't mean to hide anything from you! They made me! It wasn't my fault!"

ann: YOU

ryuji: ah shit

ann: CANCELLED

futaba: consider them all cancelled

makoto: Wait, was Akechi-kun part of this, too?

akechi: I have never seen any stashes in my life ever.

futaba: he is also cancelled

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

shiho: girls call me when you go on your date

mishima: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

mishima: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

ann: we will, honey!

haru: Oh! Maybe we can do a video call!

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

shiho: let me check if my phone can handle video calls between multiple people

ryuji: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

akira: -- MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED! --

makoto: I don't think you'll have to check. We will all be together, so we can call you from the same device.

shiho: oh nice!!

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: okay you have my permission to uncensor them

futaba: done

akechi: And to what do we owe that grace?

ann: haru brought snacks

akechi: I hate this fucking team.

ann: REVENGE

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


makoto: Are we really going to wait until the end of the month before we send the calling card?

ryuji: im ready over here

yusuke: Yes, we've completed the calling card. There's no need to procrastinate on that front.

akechi: It's best that we wait until the last minute, when she will be most desperate. The more pressed for time she is, the more mistakes she will make.

makoto: Mistakes?

akechi: I know Sae-san. She's careful and decisive, and has a mind for long-term thinking. That she would push for an investigation that'd give her quick and dirty points instead of working on slow, steady, clean progress, it means she really has become corrupted.

akechi: But I don't think that's enough for us to actually take her on in her own head.

akechi: The more stressed she is, the better for us, from what I understand of your previous fights? You all said that your last run into a Palace involves defeating its ruler in mental combat.

akechi: I'll be honest.

akechi: I don't think I can win Sae-san in mental anything.

akechi: She's older, smarter, more experienced, more thoughtful and more ruthless than me.

akechi: I'm kind of scared.

akechi: I don't think I'd ever do this, on my own. My only hope is that I will have a team with me.

makoto: I guess I see your point...

makoto: She really has changed. I feel like she's not there, when she's next to me. She barely talks to me anymore.

makoto: She's definitely not in her right mind.

akechi: And that's the reason we can't risk her getting defensive in her own brain.

makoto: It feels risky.

akechi: We've discussed this in person.

ryuji: it didnt make much sense then either

ryuji: i don't really get it, so i left it up to akira,,,,,,

yusuke: I think I see Akechi's point. Niijima might feel like she has room for error if we send the card with time to spare, yes?

akechi: Yes, exactly that.

yusuke: Hm, I see. We need the element of surprise. She wouldn't expect the Phantom Thieves to target her, when our previous targets have been corrupted men in power.

ryuji: and it's not like she knows about medjed

ryuji: or shit, the principal. they think we might've been the ones to kill him, right?

yusuke: Right. From her perspective, she's a rightful representative of the law, fighting for justice. She's doing what's right - she's not in the category of possible targets.

makoto: Yes...

makoto: Yes, it would really be out of left field if she suddenly got a calling card.

makoto: Especially if it comes in her own home, the space she's supposed to be safe and comfortable in...

makoto: I'm sorry, Sis...

ryuji: shit.

ryuji: you really gonna give her the card yourself?

makoto: Yes. She'd get suspicious of her coworkers if we had Akechi deliver it to her at work.

makoto: If I tell her it came in the mail... If her little sister delivers the call, it will feel like a true and personal attack.

akechi: This feels wrong. I know I said we want her to be stressed, but.

ryuji: yeah

makoto: Yes...

ryuji: this is the first target whose mental health we want to not break, huh

haru: Cough.

ryuji: but we knew your dad was already broken. we were trying to unbreak him

makoto: Cough.

ryuji: is sae broken?

akechi: Holy fucking shit, I can't take this anymore.

akechi: That's my friend you're talking about, and that's her sister and that's her father.

akechi: Watch your fucking mouth sometimes.

ryuji: shit man okay!

akechi: My apologies.

akechi: I have to go.

ryuji: wait

ryuji: ah fuck

makoto: Ryuji.

ryuji: i know

ryuji: im sorry

ryuji: but we never had to go out of our way to push okumura to his mental limits or whatever

yusuke: Now that I think about it, Okumura-san never even met us, did he? From his point of view, he was doing business as usual until one day he received a calling card.

haru: Now, you think about it?

yusuke: It was never really about him, was it? He was corrupted in his work practices, but it only got personal because of the vile man he wanted you to court. If he hadn't gotten you involved, would we ever have targeted him?

haru: Why does it need to get personal? Can't we do good for the sake of good? Can't we change people's hearts just because they need to change? Why do we need to be personally involved before we do something to fix things?

ryuji: why didn't we change sugimura's heart?

haru: What?

ryuji: we make a move when it gets personal because making a move is personal. we jump into people's heads, haru. it hurts. it's weird as shit. and it's dangerous, actually physically dangerous.

ryuji: and you know what? i was gonna keep enduring. i was gonna let the scum be, when i found out how dangerous it was, even after everything, after all the abuse, and all the shit i saw in his palace, and all the shit i knew he did and thought he might have done.

ryuji: it was very, very personal, for a long time.

ryuji: and i was still going to let it go, because doing something about it meant making it more personal. it might have meant hurting or even killing the guy.

ryuji: but then, shiho.

ryuji: it always comes back to shiho.

ryuji: because it does not get more personal than that.

yusuke: For me, it was an entire lifetime's worth of poor treatment that just barely bordered on abuse. The plagiarism wasn't even an issue, it never would have been an issue, if one of the kids I consider my siblings hadn't succeeded where Suzui failed.

yusuke: I say this with as much love as I can, Haru, but there is nothing, nothing more personal than death.

ryuji: makoto won't say it but the threat to her was maybe the most terrifying one

makoto: It was nothing.

ryuji: was too

makoto: He had no power over any of us. He wasn't threatening, he was some dirty little fly trying to be scary by hiding behind his money.

makoto: Just because his threat was the most personally violent does not mean that it's anywhere near what you all have had to endure.

makoto: In the end, no harm came to me.

makoto: And even if he'd tried, there's no way he'd actually have managed to kidnap me and force me to spend the rest of my life in drugged servitute for money.

ryuji: see when you put words to it i actually want to scream

yusuke: All of this. All these threats. And we still targeted Okumura, rather than Sugimura?

yusuke: Did we really think Okumura compared to any of this, and Sugimura didn't?

haru: Stop. Please.

haru: I get it. I...

haru: I've been thinking of the hypotheticals ever since that day.

haru: What we might have done wrong, and what we might have done different...

haru: But my father is dead, and there is no reason to be so cruel.

yusuke: I'm sorry.

yusuke: But you see our point, don't you? It's always personal.

haru: Yes. I understand.

haru: And I know what you mean.

haru: Faceless good isn't nearly as tactile as personal good.

haru: And Sae-san could use some good, right now.

makoto: She very much could.

haru: Let's give her the best.

ryuji: it aint just about her, makoto. she's your sister and you're one of ours. you know that, right? she's our sister.

makoto: But you've never met her.

ryuji: have you ever met my ma?

yusuke: Or mine?

yusuke: And yet her portrait watches over all of us.

ryuji: yeah

makoto: Oh.

yusuke: This is what thick as thieves means, love. We all grieve when our father dies. We all bleed when our sister hurts.

ryuji: we all fight when one of ours jumps off the roof.

yusuke: And it is always, always personal.

makoto: Thank you.

haru: Thank you, everyone. We can do anything, together.

yusuke: And we will.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: im gonna write some cute fluff!  
> the thieves, with trauma up to their ears: yes, let's have a heartfelt conversation  
> me, with a handful of angst, a solid chunk of cruel foreshadowing and with _someone_ on the brink of snapping: ah fuck
> 
> anyway happy birthday to me!


	33. yallressholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which akira can't sleep, OR CAN HE? no, he can't. OR CAN HE?

 

akira: that's it im getting my ears pierced

ann: you are not

akira: PLEASE

ann: it's like 10pm nothing is open and you should not be making big ass decisions at this time of night after such a long day

akira: i barely worked three jobs it wasnt that long of a day

ann: if morgana doesnt do it i will suffocate you with a pillow myself if it means getting you to sleep

akira: passing out isnt sleeping

ann: and piercings isn't exercising control

akira: control over my own body

ann: go cut your hair

akira: my hair is a fucking gift

ann: if you dont sleep enough, your hair will be shit

ann: trust me i'm a model

akira: shit

ann: dude, tell me you've had at least two full night's sleeps in the past week

akira: um

ann: oh my fucking god

ann: where's morgana

akira: he's working on something with futaba! i don't know, it's a stupid app or something

ann: if it ends up being the next big popular gacha im screaming

akira: they've been at it since we came back from the last palace run

ann: deep sigh

ann: just go to sleep

akira: ,,, in a bit

ann: akira

akira: i think i have it in me to watch a movie before i sleep

ann: and good luck staying awake through it

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


akira: shit

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


futaba: ive been informed that someone looked like shit this morning

akira: fuck you

ann: he does look dead inside and outside and sideways

futaba: sojiros exact phrasing was

futaba: "

futaba: he looked so dead on his feet i half a expect a call from school to go pick up my sick kid

futaba: "

akira: im fine

futaba: you left morgana here

akira: SHIT

futaba: IM KIDDING

ann: he's looking through his bag. morgana hangs out under the desk in class. he's just looking at him struggle.

ann: petition to get our leader to sleep more

akira: yallre assholes

akira: yallressholes

ann: hmmmm Don't Like That

ann: i am taking you to a nap at lunchtime

akira: fight me

ann: i'll win

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


ann: yuuki can you take akira and get him to leblanc and to sleep

mishima: sure?

mishima: i know he looks tired but he can probably get himself to sleep?

ann: if morgana couldn't do it then our only hope is to get someone with opposable thumbs to tuck him in

futaba: if you can get him to leblanc i can help out

mishima: cool

akira: fuc yu

futaba: we might have to enlist the doctor for help

ann: would she hand out sleepy stuff just like that?

futaba: i think shes a little expensive but shell give akira pretty much anything she has in stock

ann: nah she's made stuff custom for him without a problem

akira: shhhhh

ann: i mean she will most definitely only sell things she knows will work

akira: shhhh

ann: she'll,,,, sell only her own stuff?

akira: s

ann: okay i dont know what you want me to do

akira: dnt

akira: ont tell abt the medicne

akira: cant hve peple flooding th clinc

ann: yuuki i am begging you get him home

mishima: we're on the train

ann: thank god

ann: i'll go tell everyone

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


shiho: good morning! it's raining so hard over here that they cancelled class

shiho: so what's up

ann: we still have class ugh

ann: it's just overcast tho, it's not raining

akechi: It might rain later today.

akechi: Usually this kind of weather makes me nervous, since I often bike to school. But it's too cold to bike so I'm taking the train either way.

shiho: we had to sell my bike :( it didn't fit in our car and we couldn't just leave it loose in tokyo so we sold it on our way out

shiho: we're waiting for spring to get a new one

akechi: Best of luck with that.

ann: so is today a school day, mr ace detective?

akechi: Aha, I still have to go to work today. After lunch, probably, but maybe earlier if I can bargain with my teachers.

akechi: It's been hectic. Thief work takes up quite a lot of time of which I have very little to begin with.

akechi: I'm almost relieved we won't have to do a Palace run until the end of the month.

akechi: On the other hand, I have to work with Sae-san every day.

akechi: Just seeing her is making me shake with the urge to run to her Palace and end this whole thing...

ann: that must be hard

ann: just be patient, okay? there might be a phansite request or something. we can go for a mementos run

akechi: It might help. To feel like I'm actually doing something...

akechi: Very well. Let me know if you need me.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


akira: i feel great what the hell happened

mishima: you slept

akira: ah makes sense

shiho: d

shiho: did you seriously sleep for sixteen uninterrupted hours only to wake up fully rested and be confused by the fact?

akira: ,,,,,,, no,

shiho: how do you function

mishima: the good news is kawakami totally bought that you were sick and didn't even suggest you might be skipping

shiho: to be fair, he was indeed sick

shiho: sleep deprivation is a hell of an ailment

akira: i've had worse

shiho: HAVE you?

akira: there's an ailment in the metaverse called despair and it's literally a spell eating away at your soul until eventually you pass out or straight-up die

shiho: holy shit

akira: yeah

akira: even watching it on someone else is painful

shiho: holy, and i can't stress this enough, shit

akira: yeah

mishima: uh you wanna talk or?

akira: no, im fine. better than fine. i haven't felt this good in weeks

makoto: Have you not been sleeping well in weeks?

akira: ah shit

akira: i'm doing great babe really

makoto: Mhm.

akira: anyway what'd i miss in class today

mishima: i got some notes for you but they're probably not much good

mishima: lemme upload them somewhere so i can send you a link

akira: cool thanks

akira: i can ask kawakami for extra info if i have to

mishima: you have kawakami's number?

akira: next question

shiho: what's the plan now that you're rested?

akira: homework then probably a visit to the good doctor cause it's been a while

akira: i might be able to fit in a quick stop by my politician friend or the weapon shop before bed but i'm not holding my breath

akira: morgana'll keep me on track

makoto: Good.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


akira: ah. now i remember why i didn't listen to morgana.

akira: it's early as hell.

akira: someone tell him something

ann: keep up the good work, morgana!

akira: ann you're dead to me

ann: <3

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


akira: good morning and what the hell how am i still rested i didn't even get 8 hours

futaba: its bc you were rested yesterday too

futaba: and you went to bed early

akira: witchcraft

futaba: no

akira: magic

futaba: yeah its magic

akira: the fuck is the difference?

futaba: witchcraft implies intention

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall finals are soon and this is almost finished, can i finish it before finals get here? stay tuned

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://thephilosophah.tumblr.com/) [twitter](https://twitter.com/thephilosophah)  
> drop me a nice word in the comments


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